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‘The One After Ross Says Rachel’ Quotes

Friends: The One After Ross Says Rachel

501. The One After Ross Says Rachel

Aired September 24, 1998

After Ross mistakenly said Rachel's name at his wedding, he tries to patch things up with Emily. Meanwhile, Chandler and Monica are desperate to hook up again while they're still on foreign soil, and Rachel wonders whether she should talk to Ross about him saying her name at the altar.

Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: Boy, a bad time to say the wrong name, huh, Ross?
Ross: That's true. Thanks, Dad.

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Quote from Ross

Joey: Hey, Ross, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily.
Ross: Oh! Oh. The band's ready. Well, we've got to do what the band says, right? I don't care about the stupid band!
Joey: You spit on me, man.

Quote from Judy Geller

Judy Geller: This is worse than when he married the lesbian.

Quote from Phoebe

Andrea Waltham: Yes, Waltham lnteriors.
Phoebe: This is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Phalange.
Andrea Waltham: Who?
Phoebe: Yeah, I discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine. Now, without it, in the brain of Ross women's names are interchangeable. Through no fault of his own.
Andrea Waltham: Oh, my God. Phoebe.
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe. Dr. Phalange. Oh, no. You have it too!

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: So, what happened?
Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. But I don't think that means anything.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, let's look at this objectively. Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right, summer after ninth grade, he sees me in a two-piece for the first time. His obsession begins to grow, right?

Quote from Ross

Emily: Yes. Do go on.
The Registrar: I think we'd better start again. Repeat after me. l, Ross-
Ross: I, Ross-
The Registrar: Take thee, Emily-
Ross: Take thee, Emily. Ha, ha. Like there'd be anybody else.
The Registrar: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till death parts us.
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily.
The Registrar: Do you have the rings? Emily, place this ring on Ross' finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting.
Ross: Ah.
The Registrar: Ross, place this ring on Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Ross: Happy to.
The Registrar: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Well, that went well, yeah.
Chandler: It could've been worse. He could've shot her.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I know we had plans to meet up tonight.
I'm worried about what it might do to our friendship.
Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?
Chandler: Seven times.

Quote from Monica

Monica: You know, look. We were away.
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country.
Monica: I blame London.
Chandler: Bad London!
Monica: So look while we're still in London, we can keep doing it, right?
Chandler: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But when we're back home, we don't do it.
Monica: Only here.
Chandler: You know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs.
Monica: I'll meet you there in two minutes.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Rachel, no. He's married. Married. If you don't realize that, I can't help you.
Rachel: Okay. You're right. You're right. You can't help me.

Quote from Judy Geller

Judy Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?
Steven Waltham: Yes.

Quote from Joey

Jack Geller: Oh, yeah? Well, who serves steak when there's no place to sit? I mean, how are you supposed to eat this?
Joey: Hey, what's up? [Joey's holding a steak in his hand, eating it]

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar.
Chandler: Forget it. That's off.
Monica: Why?
Steven Waltham: The next tour of the wine cellar will commence in two minutes.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't have meat until she has the babies.
Joey: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count.
Monica: That's true.
Chandler: The man's got a point.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Emily is taking kind of a long time, huh?
Rachel: Heh. You know, when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame to get the hell out of there, you know.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, dude. Let me in. I got a girl out here.
Chandler: Well, I've got a girl in here.
Joey: No, you don't. I saw you go in there with Monica.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: You didn't find her?
Ross: No, I've looked everywhere.
Chandler: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere, or you would've found her.
Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking.
Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes?
Monica: Or 45?
Chandler: Wow. In 45 minutes, you could find her twice.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: We have to leave in an hour.
Monica: I know. I've been looking at those doors. They look pretty soundproof, don't you think?
Chandler: We can't do that. That's insane. I mean, A, he could wake up. And B, you know, Iet's go for it.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Where is she?
Steven Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again.
Andrea Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But I think you're absolutely delicious.
Steven Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here.
Andrea Waltham: Oh, yes. There you are.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Can I ask you something?
Chandler: Uh, uh. No.
Joey: Felicity and I were watching My Giant and I was thinking: "I'm never going to be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Chandler: No.
Joey: I mean, the giant's like five years younger than me. You think I'll ever get there?
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Thanks, man.
Chandler: Okay, man.
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me? ... I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now. And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular-size man?

Quote from Monica

Joey: Hey, Monica. Wow, you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
Monica: I know.
Joey: Had the beef tips, huh?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You ate meat! You had sex!
Chandler: No, we didn't.
Phoebe: I know you didn't. I was talking about Monica.
Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.
Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.
Chandler: Yes. Good thing we have that "not New York" rule.
Monica: Right. Listen, since we're on that subject I just wanted to tell you that. Well, I was going through a really hard time in London, with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother.
Chandler: Right.
Monica: Well, anyway, I just. That night meant a lot to me. And I guess I'm trying to say thanks.
Chandler: You know, that night meant a lot to me too. And it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything. It just meant a lot because ... you're really hot. Is that okay?
Monica: That's okay.
Chandler: And I'm cute too?
Monica: And you're cute too.
Chandler: Thank you. All right, I gotta go unpack.
[Chandlers leaves the apartment, then returns]
Chandler: I'm still on London time. Does that count?
Monica: Oh, that counts!
Chandler: Oh, good.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Yes, I will have a glass of Merlot and he'll have a white wine spritzer. Oh, look at that. The airport's moving. Wait. Are we moving? Are we moving? Why are we moving? Does the captain know that we're moving?


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