TV Quotes

Rachel: Who wrote it?
Ross: Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.
Joey: Hey, do you still have their exams?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Because you could just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and, boom, there's your admirer.
Chandler: A hot girl's at stake, and all of a sudden he's Rain Man.

Phoebe: Oh, Chandler, Monica's looking for you.
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah. She said something about crummies.
Chandler: No, no, no. I was so careful.

Ross: Hey. I just got my teacher evaluations. Check out what this one student wrote. "I loved Dr. Geller's class. Mind-blowing lectures. Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the Paleontology Department."
Chandler: Ah, "Hotties of Paleontology." There's a big-selling calendar, eh?

Joey: Now, listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday, okay, so I gotta get in there by Thursday. Just remember Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Chandler: Yeah, so Tuesday?
Joey: Thursday! Look, if you need help remembering, just think of it like this: The third day. All right, Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when, huh, what day? Thursday! The third day, okay?
Chandler: Thank you.

Rachel: Hey, Mon, I'm gonna check my messages.
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Monica: Sure, nature called. She wants to see who else did.

Rachel: [on the phone] Hello? Rachel. [to the gang] You guys, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops.
Monica: You're on the phone.

Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Phoebe: It's bad, it's really bad. The only thing in there that isn't burned is an ax, which I do not remember buying.

Fireman: So you ladies won't be able to live here for a while. You have a place to stay?
Rachel: Oh! Wow! Okay, look, pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now. But if you give me your number, I will call you some other time.

Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire, Mr. Fireman?
Fireman: Well, do either of you smoke?
Phoebe: No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now.

Monica: Now, this is last-minute, so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
Phoebe: Oh, who cares?
Rachel: Oh, my God! It sure didn't look this way when I lived here.
Monica: I know!

Phoebe: So did you sleep well last night?
Rachel: I did.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Rachel: Monica was so sweet. She left a little mint on my pillow.
Phoebe: Know what Joey left on my pillow? Gum.

Monica: It's the fire inspector.
Phoebe: Hello? Yeah, this is Phoebe. Really?
[across the hall:]
Joey: [on the phone, nasally voice] Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair-straightener
that started the fire. No, no. It was the candles. Yeah. It's very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is ... [Phoebe enters] ... okay, well I have to go now.

Monica: So, it's okay to date a student?
Ross: Well, not really. I mean, technically, it's not against the rules. But it is frowned upon, especially by that professor we ran into last night: "Judgy Von Holier-than-thou."
Monica: Well, Ross. You just be careful, okay? You don't want to get a reputation as "Professor McNails-his-students."

Rachel: Wait a minute. Why are we so sure that this is a girl?
Ross: It's a girl.

Joey: Hey, Chandler, you know your college friend who became a movie director?
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my movement class.
Phoebe: What's a movement class?
Monica: It's Chandler's way of pretending he didn't take mime.

Joey: She's directing a new AI Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition.
Chandler: I don't know. I haven't talked to her in, like, 10 years.
Joey: Please, Chandler, I would owe you so much.
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me 3400-
Joey: Hey, hey. Why you changing the subject?

Phoebe: Oh, my God. How bad was it?
Rachel: I don't know, but it was a fire, so I'm guessing not good.

Chandler: What are you smiling about?
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman. This is so meant to be.

Elizabeth: Want to go out sometime?
Ross: Uh, that's not the best idea.
Elizabeth: Oh, because I was thinking, the semester's over. You're not my teacher anymore.
Ross: What time?
Elizabeth: Oh, you know what? Forget it. I see you already gave me an A.
Ross: Gotcha.
Elizabeth: I'm kidding. God.
Ross: So seriously, what time?

Joey: Hey, buddy, think I could borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Fireman: Excuse me?
Monica: Joey! He's working. [to Chandler] You would look good in that.