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‘The One with the Apothecary Table’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Apothecary Table

611. The One with the Apothecary Table

Aired January 6, 2000

Joey is put in a difficult position when his girlfriend Janine admits she doesn't like Chandler and Monica. Meanwhile, Rachel buys an apothecary table and hides its true origins from Phoebe, who despises mass-produced furniture.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Well, what period is it from?
Rachel: Uh, it's from yore. Like, the "days of yore," you know?
Phoebe: Yes, I do.

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Quote from Monica

Chandler: Okay, one more time.
Monica: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?
Chandler: Perfect decibel.
Monica: I know!

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Another amazing find. I bet this has a great story too.
Rachel: It does. It is a room-separating apparatus from Colonial times.
Ross: Huh. A lot of this stuff is from the Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods, Rachel?
Rachel: Well, there's yore. And, you know, yesteryear.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, cool sheet.
Ross: You like it? You want to know where I got it?
Phoebe: Sure.
Rachel: He got it at a flea market.
Phoebe: You buy your sheets at a flea market? Ross, come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing that's more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it. [mimicking Janine] "Oh, Chandler, I just lost myself in the movement!"

Quote from Joey

Joey: I really helped you out in the start of your relationship. I helped you sneak around for six months. I looked like an idiot. And I was humiliated. And I only made $200.
Monica: We didn't give you any money. [Chandler signalling to Joey]
Joey: You don't think I know that?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Have you kissed her yet? It's awesome. I could do it forever. You know what? She kisses better than my mom cooks.
Monica: I am so glad you said "cooks."
Rachel: Right?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: It's an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?
Chandler: A pharmacist.
Rachel: "A pharmacist."

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?
Monica: Yeah, she hates mass-produced stuff. She thinks all her furniture should have a story behind it.
Rachel: Well, this has a story behind it. I mean, they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.

Quote from Joey

Monica: It's got to be one-of-a-kind. You know, like that God-awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter?
Joey: Hey! I made that for her.
Chandler: You made pottery?
Joey: Yeah. I made it out of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: I'll tell her that it's an antique apothecary table. She doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh, I love these little drawers. Oh, look, look. It says that it holds 300 CDs.
Chandler: Ah, just like the apothecary tables of yore.

Quote from Joey

Janine: How are we going to get out of that one?
Joey: What?
Janine: I can't handle two nights in a row with them.
Joey: What's wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Janine: I don't know. They're just a little ... blah!
Joey: Blah?
Janine: Well, you know, he's blah. She's just... She's very loud for such a small person.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, what a great table. Where, where did you get it?
Rachel: Guess.
Phoebe: A flea market?
Rachel: Ha, see, I knew you would get it on the first guess. Isn't it cool? It's an apothecary table.
Phoebe: Wow. Oh, you can just imagine that this is where they kept all their stuff to make their potions. You know, you can almost smell the opium.
Rachel: Almost.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: How much was it?
Rachel: Just only 500 bucks.
Phoebe: 500 bucks at a flea market?
Rachel: Oh, okay, see. I thought you meant how much was it when it was new, like, back then.
Phoebe: Oh, no.
Rachel: I mean, it was at a flea market, so it was like a dollar.
Phoebe: A dollar?
Rachel: And fifty? So, you know, it was like one and fifty dollars.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. So they gave you the old-time pricing.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I bet it has a great story too. Did they tell you where it's from or-
Rachel: Yes, that I know. This is from White Plains.
Phoebe: [gasps] White Plains. Ooh, it sounds like such a magical place.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn.
Rachel: Ross, get over it. It's not like she hates you.
Ross: Yeah, but Pottery Barn? You know what I think? She's just weird, you know. It's because she's a twin. Twins are weird.
Rachel: Ross, she's not weird. She just likes her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.
Ross: Huh. You know what's not one-of-a-kind? A twin!

Quote from Monica

Monica: I do not like that woman.
Joey: I can hear you!
Monica: I am loud.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: My, God, Phoebe. Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique.
Phoebe: Wow. Oh, my God. Well, if they've ripped off our table, ours must be worth much more than one and fifty dollars. Wow. This doesn't even smell like opium.
Ross: Of course not. It smells like wine, which you spilled. And thanks for wrecking my sheet, by the way.
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, calm down. I'll give you the 80 cents.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: So, I can't decide if it goes better by the new chair, the Sahara desk, or the Parker console table.
Ross: Wow. I didn't know there was a Pottery Barn up here.
Rachel: I know, I went a little crazy.
Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalog.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Pheebs, I don't know what to say. I guess the flea market was just better last time.
Phoebe: Well, at least I got these sheets for Ross.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: No, but I am mad. Because this stuff is everything that's wrong with the world, and it's all sitting up in my living room, and all I can think about is how I don't have that lamp!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Unless. Are you saying you'd move out if I didn't buy that lamp?
Rachel: No, I'm not gonna move out.
Phoebe: But are you saying that you would move out if I didn't buy that lamp?
Rachel: Oh, yes. I would so move out.
Phoebe: Okay. Then I don't have a choice. I have to buy that lamp.
Rachel: That's right.
Phoebe: But at least the apothecary table's real.

Quote from Monica

Janine: We have got to move.
Joey: What?
Monica: I knew it! You know, you're not so quiet yourself, missy!

Quote from Monica

Janine: I know you're talking, but all I hear is blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
Monica: All right, you and me. Let's go, right now.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: You know, I really think you could take her.
Monica: You better hope I don't see you in the hallway!

Quote from Joey

Ross: You know what'd cheer you up?
Joey: What?
Ross: I'm giving this lecture on erosion theories tomorrow night. I think you should come.
Joey: [laughs] You're right, that did cheer me up.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Look, it's, like, imagine your best kiss ever, right? Okay, now multiply that by, like, 10. [To Rachel] No, no, wait a second. You dated Ross. [To Monica] And you date Chandler. Okay, multiply it by, like, 50.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Why does she not want to hang out with us?
Joey: Because she thinks you are blah. And that you, Monica, are too loud.
Monica: What?! [whispering] What?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: And I am not "blah." I am a hoot!

Quote from Rachel

Ross: [to Joey] So you ended up with Janine. Well, congratulations you won fair and square.
Rachel: Yeah, it was real neck and neck there for a while.


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