Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One Where Rachel Quits’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One Where Rachel Quits

310. The One Where Rachel Quits

Aired December 12, 1996

Hoping to pursue a career in fashion, Rachel quits her job at Central Perk. Meanwhile, Ross tries to sell cookies on behalf of a girl he accidentally injured, and Joey gets a job selling Christmas trees.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: You broke a little girl's leg?
Ross: I know. I feel horrible, okay?
Chandler: It says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night. Where exactly were you around 10-ish?

Rate

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Oh, I don't know.
Rachel: What?
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?

Quote from Rachel

Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Gunther: Remember when you first came here and you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?
Rachel: Sure. Oh, do you need me to train somebody new?
Gunther: [laughs] Good one. Actually, Terry wants you to take the training again. Whenever.
Rachel: [scoffing] Do you believe that?
Chandler: [scoffing] Yeah.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: How do you sleep at night?
Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around. Hey, Phoebe, listen. You got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees. They're fulfilling their life purpose by making people happy.
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Yes! Yes, and the trees are happy too because for most of them, it's their only chance to see New York.

Quote from Rachel

Gunther: After you deliver the drinks, take the tray-
Rachel: Gunther, please. I have worked here for two and a half years. I know the empty trays go over there.
Gunther: What if you put them here?
Rachel: That's actually a good idea. That way they'll be closer to the mugs. You should have the other waitresses do that, too.
Gunther: They already do. That's why they call it the tray spot.
Rachel: Geez, I always heard them talk about that and I sort of just thought it was a club they went to.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Say, how many more boxes would you have to sell in order to win?
Sarah: Well, the girl who won last year sold 475. So far, I've sold 75.
Ross: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds doable. How much are the boxes? [gets wallet out]
Sarah: Five dollars a box.
Ross: [closes wallet] And what is second prize?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hi. I'm an honorary Brown Bird. [blows whistle]
Woman: What does that mean?
Ross: Well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm not invited to the sleepovers.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Mon?
Monica: I'll take a box of the Mint Treasures. One, and that's it. I started to gain weight after I joined the Brown Birds. Remember? Dad bought every one of my boxes and I ate them all.
Ross: No, Mon. Dad had to buy every one of your boxes because you ate them all.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need The Fear.
Rachel: The Fear?
Chandler: He's right. Quit this job, and you'll have motivation to go after a job you really want.
Rachel: The how come you are still at a job that you hate? Why don't you quit and get The Fear?
Chandler: Because I'm too afraid.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: So how many you sold so far?
Ross: Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes.
Chandler: Oh, my God. How did you do that?
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium. Without even trying, I sold 50 boxes. That's when it occurred to me. The key to my success: the munchies. So I started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me ... [stoned voice] "Cookie Dude".

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Who did these resumes for you?
Chandler: Me. On my computer. Yeah. Well, "Waitress at a Coffeehouse" and "Cheer Squad Co-Captain" only took up so much room.

Quote from Monica

Joey: Mon, you want me to decorate the window? Give it kind of a Christmas looky?
Monica: Christmas cookie?

Quote from Ross

Troop Leader: And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller. Eight hundred and seventy-two. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.
Ross: That is because my doctor says that I have a very serious ... nougat ... deficiency.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: I gotta go sell Christmas trees.
Phoebe: Have fun. Oh, wait. No, don't. I forgot. I am totally against that now.
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Phoebe: No, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime and their corpses grotesquely dressed in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Just admit it, Chandler. You have no backhand.
Chandler: Excuse me, little one. I have a very solid backhand.
Ross: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl is not a backhand.
Chandler: I was shrieking ... Iike a Marine.

Quote from Monica

Ross: I'm going to see her tonight. I wanna bring her something. What would she like?
Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll? The ability to walk?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: That one doesn't look very fulfilled.
Joey: That's one of the old ones. He's just taking it to the back.
Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back? That is so ageist.
Joey: Well, we have to make room for the fresh ones.
Phoebe: So what happens to the old guys?
Joey: They go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Why do I have a feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?

Quote from Ross

Ross: And these are shaped like Christmas characters: Santa, Rudolph and Baby Jesus.
Joey: Okay, I'll take a box of the cream-filled Jesuses.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: All right. Do you have any coconut-flavored deities?
Ross: No, but there's coconut in the Hanukkah Menorah-eos. I'll put you down for 8 boxes. One for each night.

Quote from Ross

Ross: But, you know, I'm sure that's not gonna happen this time.
Why don't I put you down for 3 Mint Treasures and a couple of Rudolphs?
Monica: No.
Ross: Oh, come on, now. You know you want them.
Monica: Don't do this.
Ross: I'll tell you what, I'll give you the first box for free.
Monica: Oh, God, I gotta go.
Ross: Come on. All the cool kids are eating them.

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode