TV Quotes

Monica: You broke a little girl's leg?
Ross: I know. I feel horrible, okay?
Chandler: It says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night. Where exactly were you around 10-ish?

Ross: Hi. I'm an honorary Brown Bird. [blows whistle]
Woman: What does that mean?
Ross: Well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm not invited to the sleepovers.

Chandler: Oh, I don't know.
Rachel: What?
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?

Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Gunther: Remember when you first came here and you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?
Rachel: Sure. Oh, do you need me to train somebody new?
Gunther: [laughs] Good one. Actually, Terry wants you to take the training again. Whenever.
Rachel: [scoffing] Do you believe that?
Chandler: [scoffing] Yeah.

Phoebe: How do you sleep at night?
Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around. Hey, Phoebe, listen. You got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees. They're fulfilling their life purpose by making people happy.
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Yes! Yes, and the trees are happy too because for most of them, it's their only chance to see New York.

Gunther: After you deliver the drinks, take the tray-
Rachel: Gunther, please. I have worked here for two and a half years. I know the empty trays go over there.
Gunther: What if you put them here?
Rachel: That's actually a good idea. That way they'll be closer to the mugs. You should have the other waitresses do that, too.
Gunther: They already do. That's why they call it the tray spot.
Rachel: Geez, I always heard them talk about that and I sort of just thought it was a club they went to.

Ross: Say, how many more boxes would you have to sell in order to win?
Sarah: Well, the girl who won last year sold 475. So far, I've sold 75.
Ross: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds doable. How much are the boxes? [gets wallet out]
Sarah: Five dollars a box.
Ross: [closes wallet] And what is second prize?

Ross: Mon?
Monica: I'll take a box of the Mint Treasures. One, and that's it. I started to gain weight after I joined the Brown Birds. Remember? Dad bought every one of my boxes and I ate them all.
Ross: No, Mon. Dad had to buy every one of your boxes because you ate them all.

Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need The Fear.
Rachel: The Fear?
Chandler: He's right. Quit this job, and you'll have motivation to go after a job you really want.
Rachel: The how come you are still at a job that you hate? Why don't you quit and get The Fear?
Chandler: Because I'm too afraid.

Chandler: So how many you sold so far?
Ross: Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes.
Chandler: Oh, my God. How did you do that?
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium. Without even trying, I sold 50 boxes. That's when it occurred to me. The key to my success: the munchies. So I started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me ... [stoned voice] "Cookie Dude".