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‘The One Where They All Turn Thirty’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where They All Turn Thirty

714. The One Where They All Turn Thirty

Aired February 8, 2001

Rachel struggles with turning thirty, prompting the group to reminisce about their thirtieth birthdays.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Would you put that back on. Monica is going to be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's apple.
Chandler: Okay, for the last time, it's not named after each individual man.

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Quote from Joey

Chandler: Well, here we are. Just a bunch of 30-year-olds.
Ross: Wow. Do you realize in 10 years we're gonna be 40?
Joey: Why, God? Why are you doing this to us?

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Oh, come on, you guys, is it just me? Am I overreacting?
Chandler: No, Rach, it's not just you. My 30th birthday certainly wasn't that much fun.
[flashback:]
Joey: And now Chandler! We're all getting so old. Why are you doing this to us?

Quote from Ross

Tag: This one's from me. It wasn't on your list, but hopefully you'll think it's really fun.
Rachel: A scooter.
Ross: Stick to the list. Always stick to the list.

Quote from Rachel

Tag: This is just because you're turning 30.
Rachel: Yeah, it is. But you're just a kid. I mean, you're 25.
Tag: Twenty-four, actually.
Rachel: Oh, God. You know what I wish? I wish you were six years older. Well, actually, if I'm wishing for stuff, I wish I was six years younger.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Okay, is everybody clear? We're gonna pick it up and move it. All we need is teamwork, okay? We're gonna lift the car and slide it out. Lift and slide.
Rachel: Ross, I really don't think this-
Ross: Lift and slide.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Come on, Rach, look turning 30 is not that big a deal.
Ross: Oh, really? Is that how you felt when you turned 30?
[flashback:]
Joey: Why, God, why? We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: You've done a wonderful job with this party, Chandler. Everything looks so lovely.
Chandler: Well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I can't believe you would have a thirty-year-old daughter. And you, I can't believe you would have a tux that's 30 years old.
Jack Geller: It's older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Will you just go help her get changed?
Rachel: Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman seems like a job for Joey.

Quote from Joey

Tag: Ms. Greene would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you didn't use the words "old" or "downhill" or "They still look pretty damn good."
Joey: They do.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Rachel, come on out. Monica made breakfast.
Monica: Chocolate chip pancakes.
Ross: We've got presents.
Rachel: Good ones?
Monica: They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.
Rachel: Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?

Quote from Joey

Monica: Rach, you're in a great place in your life. You have an amazing job, good friends.
Joey: Your roommate's a soap opera star.
Rachel: Your character is in a coma.
Joey: I promised myself I wasn't going to cry at this one.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I did it. One mile on a Hippity Hop. That's it. That's everything I wanted to do before I was 30. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. Oh, well. But, yay! And girls, this thing is a godsend if you know what I mean.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Happy 30th birthday! Here. It's for the child in you. And the woman.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Do you have mine?
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, we are 31.
Ursula: Yeah.
Phoebe: I just lost a whole year of my life.
Ursula: Okay.
Phoebe: Your middle name is Pamela?
Ursula: Yes.
Phoebe: I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is?
Ursula: Yes. Phoebe.
Phoebe: That's my first name.
Ursula: Right. Okay. Then, no.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Open ours next. Open ours next.
Joey: Now that you're a couple, we don't get two presents from you guys?
Chandler: For my last birthday, you gave me a hug.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: All right, read the card. Read the card.
Rachel: "Happy birthday, Grandma. It's better to be over the hill than buried under it. All our love, Monica and Chandler." That's funny.
Chandler: No, no. That was a joke.
Rachel: No, I know, I get it. It's funny.
Chandler: No, because you're not a grandmother-
Rachel: I know, because to be a grandmother, you have to be married and have children and
I don't have any of those things. That's why it's so funny.
Monica: All you had to do was buy the card.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: As I was saying, I should probably have the first one by the time I'm 35. Which gives me five years. So if I want to have a kid when I'm 35, I don't have to get pregnant until I'm 34.
Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes. Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant.
Monica: Really? That long? Look all you want, it's happening.
Rachel: So I don't have to get married until I'm 33. That's three years. That's three whole years.
Wait a minute, though. I'll need a year and a half to plan the wedding. And I'd like to know the guy for like a year, year and a half before we get engaged. Which means I need to meet the guy by the time I'm 30.
Ross: Which is fine because you just turned 28!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: I lost a whole year. I can't believe it. This is so unfair.
Joey: Come on, Pheebs, it'll be okay.
Phoebe: Will it? Will it? How would you feel if you found out you were 31?
Joey: That's not gonna happen. Because we have a new deal.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Plus, it totally ruined my schedule. I haven't done any of the things I wanted to do by the time I was 31.
Joey: Like what?
Phoebe: Like, okay, I haven't met any Portuguese people. I haven't had the perfect kiss. And I haven't been to sniper school.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Phoebe, why don't we just go upstairs and have some birthday cake?
Phoebe: No, I just feel like being by myself for a while. I'll see you guys later. Thanks.
Rachel: Oh, Poor Pheebs.
Joey: Hey, you know what, you guys, I think I'm gonna walk her home.
Monica: Oh, man.
Chandler: What?
Monica: He's gonna eat the cake.

Quote from Rachel

Tag: Look, Rachel, I know what you're going through. I'm totally freaked out about turning 25.
Rachel: Get out. Get out of my apartment.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: How you feeling?
Monica: You are so handsome. I want to make love to you right here, right now. [growls]
Ross: I really wish that you wouldn't.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: We're going to get you some coffee and they will never know that you're drunk.
Monica: Really? You promise?
Chandler: Yeah, I'll take care of it.
Monica: I love you so much.
Chandler: Okay, we have to do something about your breath.
Monica: What about your breath?
Chandler: That's still yours.


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