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‘The One with the Kips’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Kips

505. The One with the Kips

Aired October 29, 1998

When Ross finally tells Rachel that Emily doesn't want him to see her any more, Rachel worries that she will be phased out of the group like Chandler's old roommate, Kip. Meanwhile, Chandler and Monica's romantic weekend away ends in an argument and leads Joey finding out about their relationship.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change. So I should be the one to, you know, step back.
Rachel: No, Ross.
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. There are plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving, and just see their college roommates at reunions, and just see Joey at Burger King.

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Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.
Rachel: It's LaPooh!
Phoebe: I know, it's LaPooh right now but it'll get better.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were stuck in here all night with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said "Rachel" at the wedding, I figured it was going to happen again. So I hid this in here.
Monica: Candy bars, crossword puzzles-
Phoebe: Ooh, "Mad Libs"! Mine!
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: Hey, you don't know how long we're going to be in here. We may have to re-populate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Quote from Joey

Joey: What are you guys woofing about?
Monica: Chandler stole a 20 from my purse.
Joey: No! You know what? Now that I think about it I constantly find myself without 20s, and you always have lots.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You told me the story. He and Monica dated. When they broke up, they couldn't even be in the same room together. And you all promised you'd stay his friend. And what happened? He got phased out.
Monica: You're not going to be phased out.
Rachel: Of course, I am. It's not going to happen to Ross. He's your brother, your college roommate. Oh, you know, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the groom. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Phoebe: Uh!
Rachel: Honey, come on. You live far away, you're not related. You lift right out.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Oh, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.
Monica: Yeah, saw him waiting for an elevator. Hey, Rach, can I use your eyelash curler? I think lost mine.
Joey: [gasps] Oh! Oh! Oh!
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second?
Joey: Ooh, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
[in Monica's bedroom]
Chandler: Yes. Yes.
Joey: You? And you?
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone. No one knows.
Joey: But how? When?
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: In London!

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Chandler: Yes, that was mine.
Joey: Because I figured you hooked up with some girl and she left it there.
Chandler: Yes, that would have made more sense.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Chandler: Uh, nine.
Joey: But it's dark out.
Monica: Well, that's because you always sleep till noon, silly. This is what nine looks like.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I'm really getting tired of always sneaking around.
Chandler: I know. Me too. Hey, you know what, what if we went away for the entire weekend? We'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lot of naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I could say I have a conference and you could say you have a chef thing.
Monica: Oh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair they have in Jersey.
Chandler: Ooh-hoo, okay. You know you're not, though.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend. I'm going to this culinary fair in Jersey.
Phoebe: How weird. Chandler just told us he's got a conference there.
Monica: Wow, that's funny. Seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hey, Joey's ass. What are you doing?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows. I love that.
Chandler: You should live with Joey. Rolos everywhere.

Quote from Rachel

[Rachel has her head back because of a nose bleed]
Rachel: I'm sorry. What did you want to tell me? [Rachel snorts] I'm sorry. Sorry.
Ross: Okay. I can't see you anymore.
Rachel: Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous. I can't see you, either.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Can I talk to you over here for just a second? Chandler! Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not going to let them. Now, we're not a couple of suckers.
Chandler: I hear you, Mugsy.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Okay, this one I like.
Chandler: Nothing. It's over. Damn it, this is regularly scheduled programming!
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay, do we really have to spend the entire weekend like this?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of the room-switching fun?
Monica: Hey, don't blame me for ruining tonight.
Chandler: Well, who should I blame? The nice bellman who had to drag our luggage to ten different rooms?
Monica: Oh, I don't know. How about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on half a tank of gas?
Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: It's awful, I know. It's- I mean, I feel terrible. But I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do. I have to make this marriage work. I have to. But the good thing is, we can still see each other until she gets here.
Rachel: Oh! Lucky me. Oh, my God, that is good news, Ross. I think that's the best news I've heard since LaPooh died.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, really? Is it, Ross? Yeah, okay? Let me make this a little easier for you.
Ross: What? What are you doing?
Rachel: Storming out.
Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.
Rachel: Yeah? Well, that's how mad I am.

Quote from Joey

Ross: You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me. I don't know what to do.
Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes. Please.
Joey: You're not going to like it.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: You got married too fast.
Ross: That's not advice.
Joey: I told you.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Oh, God, it's already started. I'm Kip.
Monica: Oh, honey.
Joey: Yeah, you're not Kip.
Rachel: Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You know, I don't even feel like I know you anymore, man. All right, look. I'm just going to ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe you. Were you or were you not on a gay cruise?

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Phoebe, I'm sorry about the whole "lifting out" thing. You got to come with me.
Phoebe: Come where?
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on, you and me, we'll start a new group. We're the best ones.
Phoebe: Okay, but try to get Joey too.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Is that better?
Rachel: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.
Ross: Well, what would you do, Rach? If you were me, what would you do?
Rachel: [sighs] Well, for starters, I would have said the right name at my wedding.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: So I guess this is over?
Monica: What?
Chandler: Well, you know, you and me. I mean, it had to end sometime.
Monica: Why exactly?
Chandler: Because of the weekend. We had a fight.
Monica: Chandler, that's crazy. If you give up every time you had a fight with someone, you'd never be with anyone longer than- Oh.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone is because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal. I have to tell someone.
Chandler: No, no, no. You can't.
Monica: Please. We just don't want to deal with telling everyone. Please just promise you won't tell.
Joey: All right. Man, this is unbelievable. I mean, it's great. But ...
Monica: I know. It's great. [Monica kisses Chandler]
Joey: Aw, I don't want to see that!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: We're so stupid. Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: "The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe." "If you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, 'Hi, Phoebe'!"
Monica: That's cute. We really all enjoyed it. But you know it doesn't count.
Phoebe: Count for what?
Monica: Doesn't count in our heads as good Mad Libs.
Chandler: I guess fun time's over.
Monica: No, wait, wait, guys. If we follow the rules it's still fun and it means something.
Chandler: I'm going to take off.
Monica: Guys, rules are good. Rules help control the fun.


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