TV Quotes

Monica: We need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
Joey: What?
Ross: Are you kidding?
Chandler: Well, it's just with work and the stress of adoption we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Ross: That doesn't sound like you. That's Monica talking.
Chandler: No, no. We made this decision together.
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth.
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths. You put turkey in people's mouths.

Chandler: I'm telling you, it's gonna happen. Next year, it's gonna be you, me and little Hemingway Bing. What? He's my favorite author.
Monica: Name one of his books.
Chandler: [scoffs] ... The Firm?

Ross: Hey, guess what Joey has.
Joey: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!
Ross: Dude, I wanted him to guess.
Chandler: Oh, my God.
Ross: Yeah, they're great seats too. Guess where they are.
Joey: Center ice.
Ross: Did I do something to you?

Chandler: We'll never make it back.
Joey: So we'll leave before it's over.
Chandler: But it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus, Joey could get lost and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
Joey: Dude, two times that happened!

Ross: Let me see this. "Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division"?
Rachel: That's me.

Ross: You entered Emma in a beauty pageant?
Phoebe: And it looks like she put makeup on her.

Ross: I can't believe this. She's our daughter. That you would treat her like some kind of show dog is inexcusable.
Rachel: She won a thousand dollars.
Ross: So this is an annual thing?

Monica: Oh, they are in for a world of pain.
Chandler: Ross's shirt is torn.
Monica: They're late and they're sloppy.

Rachel: What happened to your shirt?
Ross: I got mugged and they stole my pocket.

Ross: "We know you're out there."
[Rachel gasps]
Joey: Who do you think it's from?

Rachel: Why don't we play rock, paper, scissors, and whoever loses, goes in first.
Joey: All right, I'm in.
Rachel: Ready.
Joey: Ha, ha! I win.
Ross: What is that?
Joey: That's fire. It beats everything.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon?
Joey: Well played, Phoebe Buffay. Well played.

Phoebe: It's locked.
Ross: What? Oh, sure, now they lock it. But when they're having sex on the couch, it's like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy!"

Rachel: All right, you guys, we're so sorry we're late. Please let us in so we can have dinner together.
Monica: No, everything's cold. The turkey's dried out and the stuffing's all soggy.
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that's- What happens to cranberry sauce?
Monica: Nothing, it's fine.
Chandler: Oh, thank God.

Ross: Come on, you guys, we're sorry. Our subway broke down.
Chandler: That's a lie! You went to the game. I can see Joey's hand.
Ross: For the love of God, take it off!

Ross: How are we gonna decide who gets this?
Joey: Water balloon!

Rachel: I just remembered, we do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.
Monica: You touch that, and you will be sorry.
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it.

Rachel: Oh, my God, it's Brussels sprouts!
Ross: That's worse than no food.
Chandler: Ha, ha. All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts.
Monica: Stinky?
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.

Monica: Okay, you two go get the dessert, and I'll let you in.
Rachel: Dessert?
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
Phoebe: Pies. Oh, we thought you said "prize." Here.
Monica: "Grand Supreme Little Darling"?
Rachel: Congratulations!

Phoebe: Come on, you guys, let's just do our own Thanksgiving.
Rachel: Yeah, I'll cook.
Ross: Yeah, let's go out.

Joey: I'm stuck.
Monica: Joey, that is not gonna work.
Joey: No, seriously. I'm really wedged in here.
Phoebe: I'll pull you through.
Joey: Okay. [screaming] Stop, stop, I'm worried about damaging my head.
Chandler: It's a little late for that.