TV Quotes

Joey: Rachel and Phoebe are already there, so they probably started without us. We could just slip in, and no one needs to know where we were.
Ross: You may want to lose the foam finger.
Joey: Oh, no, no, no. You just want to put it on your hand.

Phoebe: Well, personally, I think it's great you're giving yourself a break.
Monica: Thank you, Pheebs.
Phoebe: It's just as well. I mean, last year wasn't very good. I think she's losing her touch.
Monica: What? You are way off, lady.
Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong. Well, think about it. Think about it. You'd be trying to top what you did last year. You'd be in competition with yourself.
Monica: That's my favorite kind. Okay, we are doing this.
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way.
Monica: Stay out of this, Chandler. This is between me and me.

Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together. Did you not watch the Dr. Phil I taped for you?

Rachel: Happy Thanksgiving.
Phoebe: Yeah. Happy Meatless Turkey-Murder Day.

Monica: No, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger, I entered into this pie-eating contest and I ate so many that just the thought of them makes me sick.
Rachel: Did you at least win the contest?
Monica: Two minutes, twelve pies and a part of one tin.

Monica: This dinner is gonna be so great. In your face, last-year me.

Rachel: Why?
Phoebe: I want to enter her in a baby pageant.
Rachel: Oh, my God. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard.

Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy-
Phoebe: And a thousand dollars.
Rachel: Is something I'm very interested in.

Rachel: Oh, please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that what's on the inside is important.

Phoebe: And Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
Rachel: Where am I gonna get a cowgirl outfit on Thanksgiving?
Phoebe: Well, I was thinking-
Rachel: Take the clothes off Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid.

Monica: I don't get older. I just get better.

Chandler: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year.
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you to do.

Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something. Just not the turkey or the stuffing. Nothing high-profile.
Monica: Okay, let's see. Oh, the cranberry sauce. It's easy to make, and no one really cares about it.
Chandler: Tell me more.

Monica: I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these. Not with soap!
Chandler: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes.

Chandler: So we'll see you at 4.
Joey: Okay.
Chandler: And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say "Chan-berries"?
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude.

Rachel: Phoebe, listen, I think we gotta go. This place is freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there. I don't think he came with a kid.

Phoebe: But we can't leave now. There was this one baby, Haley, who was favored to win she got croup, so she had to stay home. This competition just blew wide-open, folks.

Phoebe: Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. My God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms. Hello, Michelin Man.

Phoebe: Emma's gonna need some makeup.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: She's gonna look washed-out next to the others.
Rachel: Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby.
Phoebe: Why not?
Rachel: Because I already did.

Ross: I can't believe Chandler's missing this.
Joey: I'm sorry he's not here. But I gotta say, I am really enjoying nacho chair.
Ross: Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't keep batting my hand away.

Joey: These seats are great.
Ross: I know, I know. When I was here for "Holidays on Ice" I was sitting so far away, Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner.

Monica: Where is everybody? They're 45 minutes late.
Chandler: I can't believe they're not here. I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined Cranberry Day.

Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time.
Phoebe: Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani.

Ross: Yeah, what's with the trophy?
Phoebe: Well, we were at a spelling bee.
Rachel: And I won.
Ross: You won an adult Thanksgiving Day spelling bee?
Rachel: Yes. Y-E-S. Yes.

Joey: Wait a second. Wait a second. Where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before?

Chandler: Everything's so distorted. It looks like Joey has a giant hand. ... That says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game.

Phoebe: We're just trying to figure out an excuse. Hey, ooh, how about this? We could say that Monica told us 5:00, not 4:00. That way we're right on time. Or! Or we could plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Ross: That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around.

Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Phoebe: I'm not going in first. I bet that vein on Monica's forehead is popping like crazy.
Joey: I hate that thing. It's like a bolt of lightning.

Rachel: Guys, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now. Please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey.
Joey: [laughs] I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that.

Joey: If I could just get in there, make a face-to-face apology Iook them in the eye, I could get them to forgive us.
Ross: I don't know.
Joey: I'm telling you I can do it.
Ross: Yeah, he can do it.

Joey: It all looks so beautiful. The turkey, the stuffing.
Chandler: The cranberries.
Monica: Enough! A monkey could've made them.

Joey: Hey, listen, guys, we feel really terrible.
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye-contact thing. Don't look at him. Don't look at him.

Joey: Hey, I'm getting a little tired of this. We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving, for Pete's sakes. A day of forgiveness.
Ross: It's a day to be thankful.
Joey: Don't make me come up there!

Joey: Yeah, you three have a nice Thanksgiving.
Monica: The three of us?
Joey: Yeah. You, Chan and the vein.

Joey: Hurry, I can't feel my ears.
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Joey: Interesting.

Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
Chandler: Oh, I left them on my bulldozer.

Chandler: I don't have tools.
Monica: Well, I do, but Rachel borrowed them.
Rachel: I lent them to Ross.
Ross: I gave them to Joey.
Joey: I left them at the park.

Chandler: My cranberries!

Monica: Thanksgiving is over. The vein has spoken.

Chandler: Look! Look! Look what the Look what the floating heads did!
Monica: I don't care.
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: That was the adoption agency.
Chandler: And?
Monica: We're getting a baby!

Ross: I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid.
Phoebe: I know. Have you considered pageanting?

Monica: Did someone drop the baton again?
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?

Rachel: I can't believe this. This is Emma's first Thanksgiving.
Monica: No, it's not.
Rachel: It's not? When was she born?

Phoebe: What's Emma doing today?
Rachel: Well, let's see, I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop.

Phoebe: Okay, but before you say no, my friend Suzanne is entering her kid. And compared to Emma, she's a real dog.

Rachel: Phoebe, it's just too weird. I just saw a 1 -year-old with pantyhose on.
Phoebe: Oh, I know. We should've been more prepared.

Ross: I'm finding it really hard not to mess with him.
Phoebe: I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussels sprouts down his pants.