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‘The One with Ross's Sandwich’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One with Ross's Sandwich

509. The One with Ross's Sandwich

Aired December 10, 1998

After somebody at Ross's work eats his Thanksgiving leftover sandwich, he turns to Phoebe for advice on how to appear threatening. Meanwhile, Phoebe regrets inviting Rachel to a literature class when she doesn't bother to read the book, and Joey gets fed up of covering for Chandler and Monica.

Quote from Ross

Donald: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Ross: Oh, no. Uh, you don't understand. Uh, this is so silly. This is all just because of a sandwich.
Donald: A sandwich?
Ross: Yeah. You see, my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts an extra slice of gravy-soaked bread in the middle. I call it "The Moistmaker." Anyway, I put my sandwich in the fridge and-
Donald: Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. I believe I ate that.
Ross: You ate my sandwich?
Donald: It was a simple mistake. It can happen to anyone.
Ross: Oh- Oh, really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moistmaker?
Donald: No, I-
Ross: Do you, perhaps, remember seeing a note on top of it?
Donald: There may have been a joke or limerick of some kind.
Ross: That said it was my sandwich!
Donald: Now, now, calm down. Look in my office. Some of it may still be in the trash.
Ross: What?
Donald: Well, it was quite large. I had to throw most of it away.
Ross: You threw my sandwich away? My sandwich?! My sandwich?!

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Quote from Phoebe

Teacher: What do you think? Uh, you in the blue shirt?
Phoebe: I think that yours is a question with many possible answers.
Teacher: Would you care to venture one?
Phoebe: Would you care to venture one?
Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
Phoebe: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
Teacher: All right. Let's move on.
Phoebe: Okay, then.

Quote from Rachel

Teacher: Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did you think of Jane Eyre?
Phoebe: Rachel and I were discussing it, and she actually had some very interesting insights.
Teacher: Well, go ahead, Rachel.
Rachel: Um, thank you, Phoebe. What struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was how the book was so ahead of its time.
Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Well, feminism, yes. But also the robots.

Quote from Ross

Ross: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone just ate it.
Chandler: Ross, it's just a sandwich.
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, okay? I'm going to be divorced twice and I just got evicted. That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life. Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right. Now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Unbelievable. I mean, you really kept Joey's underwear? Why? Why would you do that?

Quote from Monica

Monica: I know! I know! I know!
Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hey, everybody. Everybody, guess what. I just convinced Carl to give us a test. Test? Come on. Tests make us all better learners. Oh, yeah. We should have essay questions!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Oh, ew, undies!
Rachel: All right. Whose are they? Whose are they?
Ross: Not mine.
Chandler: Well, they're Joey's. They got to be Joey's.
Joey: Yeah, they're mine.
Chandler: See, Joey's. They're Joe-Joe-Joey's.
Ross: Why are they here?
Joey: I don't know. I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting. I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Rachel: Well, get them out of here. What's wrong with you?
Chandler: Yeah.
Monica: Yeah.
Rachel: Take them!
Joey: I got them.
Rachel: Joey, you can touch them. They're your underwear.
Joey: Chandler? A word?

Quote from Joey

Joey: That's it. I'm tired of covering for you two. This has got to stop. Argh! And tighty-whiteys? What are you, 8?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Look, I hate this. You guys keep embarrassing me. Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom. I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine, and that I was playing a woman in a play. And, well, then one thing led to another, and ...
Monica: Wow. And around the ankles, you know that is a tough spot.
Joey: Yeah, it was.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, what are you reading?
Phoebe: Wuthering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the new school and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler: I didn't know you were taking a class. That's so cool.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took. You know, and I thought this time I'd go for something more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: [depressed] Hi.
Chandler: Hi.
Joey: What's wrong, buddy?
Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich.
Chandler: Well what did the police say?

Quote from Joey

Ross: Look, I left a note and everything.
Chandler: "Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ross Geller's lunch."
"Ross Geller's lunch, who?"
"Ross Geller's lunch. Please don't take me. Okay?"
Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Okay, look. You want to hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Ross: Really? So what would you say, Phoebe? Stuff like: "Keep your mitts off my grub."
Chandler: Say, Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: So, Pheebs, what is the book about?
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school?
Rachel: Well, yeah. But then I remembered I started it, and then there was this pep rally and I was on top of the pyramid. But anyway, what's the book about?
Phoebe: Okay. It's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff. And, um, it takes place on these, like, really creepy moors in England. Which I think represent the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.

Quote from Phoebe

Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book? Let's see. Rachel Green?
Rachel: Ahem, um, well I would have to say that it's a tragic love story.
Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given but, yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Symbolism! And the wildness of the moors which I think, is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
Teacher: Excellent. What Rachel has shrewdly observed here-
Phoebe: You completely stole my answer.
Rachel: Well, honey, that was pretty obvious.
Phoebe: How would you know? You didn't even read it.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Okay, why didn't you just say you hadn't read the book?
Rachel: Because I didn't want him to think I was stupid. I mean, that was really embarrassing, what happened to you.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Phoebe, Phoebe. Your note? Amazing. Not only did no one touch my sandwich but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me "Mental." "Mental Geller." I've always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was "Wet Pants Geller."
Ross: It was the water fountain, okay?!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Anyway people are writing reports for me, uh, pushing back deadlines to fit my schedule. I'm telling you, you get tough with people and you can get anything you want. Hey, Tribbiani! Give me that coffee! Now! [Joey pushes Ross over the couch]

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