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‘The One with Ross's Sandwich’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Ross's Sandwich

509. The One with Ross's Sandwich

Aired December 10, 1998

After somebody at Ross's work eats his Thanksgiving leftover sandwich, he turns to Phoebe for advice on how to appear threatening. Meanwhile, Phoebe regrets inviting Rachel to a literature class when she doesn't bother to read the book, and Joey gets fed up of covering for Chandler and Monica.

Quote from Ross

Donald: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Ross: Oh, no. Uh, you don't understand. Uh, this is so silly. This is all just because of a sandwich.
Donald: A sandwich?
Ross: Yeah. You see, my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts an extra slice of gravy-soaked bread in the middle. I call it "The Moistmaker." Anyway, I put my sandwich in the fridge and-
Donald: Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. I believe I ate that.
Ross: You ate my sandwich?
Donald: It was a simple mistake. It can happen to anyone.
Ross: Oh- Oh, really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moistmaker?
Donald: No, I-
Ross: Do you, perhaps, remember seeing a note on top of it?
Donald: There may have been a joke or limerick of some kind.
Ross: That said it was my sandwich!
Donald: Now, now, calm down. Look in my office. Some of it may still be in the trash.
Ross: What?
Donald: Well, it was quite large. I had to throw most of it away.
Ross: You threw my sandwich away? My sandwich?! My sandwich?!

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Quote from Phoebe

Teacher: What do you think? Uh, you in the blue shirt?
Phoebe: I think that yours is a question with many possible answers.
Teacher: Would you care to venture one?
Phoebe: Would you care to venture one?
Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
Phoebe: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
Teacher: All right. Let's move on.
Phoebe: Okay, then.

Quote from Rachel

Teacher: Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did you think of Jane Eyre?
Phoebe: Rachel and I were discussing it, and she actually had some very interesting insights.
Teacher: Well, go ahead, Rachel.
Rachel: Um, thank you, Phoebe. What struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was how the book was so ahead of its time.
Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Well, feminism, yes. But also the robots.

Quote from Ross

Ross: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone just ate it.
Chandler: Ross, it's just a sandwich.
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, okay? I'm going to be divorced twice and I just got evicted. That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life. Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right. Now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Unbelievable. I mean, you really kept Joey's underwear? Why? Why would you do that?

Quote from Monica

Monica: I know! I know! I know!
Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hey, everybody. Everybody, guess what. I just convinced Carl to give us a test. Test? Come on. Tests make us all better learners. Oh, yeah. We should have essay questions!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Oh, ew, undies!
Rachel: All right. Whose are they? Whose are they?
Ross: Not mine.
Chandler: Well, they're Joey's. They got to be Joey's.
Joey: Yeah, they're mine.
Chandler: See, Joey's. They're Joe-Joe-Joey's.
Ross: Why are they here?
Joey: I don't know. I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting. I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Rachel: Well, get them out of here. What's wrong with you?
Chandler: Yeah.
Monica: Yeah.
Rachel: Take them!
Joey: I got them.
Rachel: Joey, you can touch them. They're your underwear.
Joey: Chandler? A word?

Quote from Joey

Joey: That's it. I'm tired of covering for you two. This has got to stop. Argh! And tighty-whiteys? What are you, 8?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Look, I hate this. You guys keep embarrassing me. Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom. I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine, and that I was playing a woman in a play. And, well, then one thing led to another, and ...
Monica: Wow. And around the ankles, you know that is a tough spot.
Joey: Yeah, it was.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, what are you reading?
Phoebe: Wuthering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the new school and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler: I didn't know you were taking a class. That's so cool.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took. You know, and I thought this time I'd go for something more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: [depressed] Hi.
Chandler: Hi.
Joey: What's wrong, buddy?
Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich.
Chandler: Well what did the police say?

Quote from Joey

Ross: Look, I left a note and everything.
Chandler: "Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ross Geller's lunch."
"Ross Geller's lunch, who?"
"Ross Geller's lunch. Please don't take me. Okay?"
Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Okay, look. You want to hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Ross: Really? So what would you say, Phoebe? Stuff like: "Keep your mitts off my grub."
Chandler: Say, Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: So, Pheebs, what is the book about?
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school?
Rachel: Well, yeah. But then I remembered I started it, and then there was this pep rally and I was on top of the pyramid. But anyway, what's the book about?
Phoebe: Okay. It's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff. And, um, it takes place on these, like, really creepy moors in England. Which I think represent the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.

Quote from Phoebe

Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book? Let's see. Rachel Green?
Rachel: Ahem, um, well I would have to say that it's a tragic love story.
Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given but, yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Symbolism! And the wildness of the moors which I think, is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
Teacher: Excellent. What Rachel has shrewdly observed here-
Phoebe: You completely stole my answer.
Rachel: Well, honey, that was pretty obvious.
Phoebe: How would you know? You didn't even read it.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Okay, why didn't you just say you hadn't read the book?
Rachel: Because I didn't want him to think I was stupid. I mean, that was really embarrassing, what happened to you.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Phoebe, Phoebe. Your note? Amazing. Not only did no one touch my sandwich but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me "Mental." "Mental Geller." I've always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was "Wet Pants Geller."
Ross: It was the water fountain, okay?!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Anyway people are writing reports for me, uh, pushing back deadlines to fit my schedule. I'm telling you, you get tough with people and you can get anything you want. Hey, Tribbiani! Give me that coffee! Now! [Joey pushes Ross over the couch]

Quote from Joey

Cynthia: Oh, candles. What is that, a blanket? A video camera? Oh, my God. I can't believe you thought you'd tape us having sex on the first date!
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said- Oh, my God! You're actually going-
Chandler: What is going on here?
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, sick?
Joey: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful. I mean, come on, the good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Okay, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.
Phoebe: No, you should have read it yourself.
Rachel: Come on, Phoebe, don't be such a goody-goody.
Phoebe: Fine. All right. So, Jane Eyre? First of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.
Rachel: A cyborg? Isn't that like a robot?
Phoebe: Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Since that video camera thing didn't work out I thought that I would give you just a little preview.
Chandler: You're naked in this picture.
Monica: I know!

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Ross?
Ross: Hey, Chandler. Monica.
Monica: Ross, are you okay?
Ross: I'm fine. I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica: Why?
Ross: On account of my rage.
Chandler: Which, if I may say, right now is out of control.
Ross: He gave me a pill for it.
Monica: A pill?
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss, I started to get worked up again. So he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought it was a good idea. So I took it.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Wait a minute. They're making you take time off work?
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
Ross: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while. But I definitely don't care about my sandwich.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: That was so embarrassing. I can't believe you let me go on and on like that.
Phoebe: I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you compared Jane Eyre to Robocop.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, my God, that's Monica.
Joey: Oh, no. No, no, no, no-
Rachel: You get away from me, you sick, sick, sicko!
Ross: What's going on?
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole.
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no!
Rachel: Yes, he has a naked picture of Monica. He takes naked pictures of us, then he eats chicken and then he looks at them.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Wait. Just wait. Everybody just calm down, okay? Let's give our friend, Joey, a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: What is the truth?
Ross: Yeah. What's up?
Phoebe: What's going on?
Joey: I slept with Monica.
Chandler: Well, let's see what everybody thinks of that.
Monica: Oh, no.
Ross: You slept with my sister?
Joey: Yes, but it was- We just did it once, in London.
Ross: This is not good for my rage. [gets his pill bottle out]

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Monica, is this true?
Joey: Of course, it's true. How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Monica: Yes, it's true.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey: That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right, Monica?
Monica: I guess I wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
Ross: My God, Monica!

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Are you sure, Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict?
Joey: No! And if anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London.
Phoebe: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.
Joey: That makes sense.
Rachel: And the video camera?
Joey: Uh, Monica?
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Joey: But, sadly, I could not be enticed.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Yeah, you know, I hate it when they make me see the shrink at my office. You know, he's always like "Oh, maybe your colleagues will like you better if you like yourself better." Who needs that?
Monica: You do.
Chandler: I know.


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