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‘The One After Rachel and Joey Kiss’ Quotes

Friends: The One After Rachel and Joey Kiss

1001. The One After Rachel and Joey Kiss

Aired September 25, 2003

Rachel and Joey vow to talk to Ross before their relationship goes any further. But when Ross goes first and tells Joey that he kissed Charlie, Joey struggles to find the right time to break his news to Ross. Meanwhile, Phoebe finds out that Mike needs to break up with a woman he has been dating for the past few months, and Monica has her hair done in cornrows.

Quote from Phoebe

Mike: One more thing. There might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.
Phoebe: Her name's Precious? Is she a pure breed, or did you pick her up at the pound?
Mike: I just wanted to give you a heads up.
Phoebe: Okay. And if she gets upset just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snap.

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Quote from Chandler

Monica: Wait a minute. Ross and Charlie. Joey and Rachel. Phoebe and Mike. We're the only ones leaving with the person we came with.
Chandler: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al.

Quote from Phoebe

Precious: Wait. I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on. I mean are you guys getting back together or something?
Phoebe: All right, Susie. Can I call you Susie?
Precious: My name is Precious.
Phoebe: I can't say that. Uh, Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Oh, no!
Rachel: What is it?
Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion!
Rachel: Look, Ross, this really isn't easy.
Ross: Oh, it's all over everything! Why? Why me?
Rachel: Because you took 300 bottles of shampoo?
Ross: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were saying?
Rachel: Well, yeah. Look, it's about me and-
Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh, my God Oh, and this is moisturizer! It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
Rachel: Wow. Well, clearly this is not a good time.
Ross: You think?

Quote from Monica

Monica: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No one is manning that wall!
Monica: I'm on it.
Chandler: Anything?
Monica: I think I hear curtains closing.
Phoebe: We've got shoes being kicked off over here.
Monica: Bedsprings! Unmistakable!
Chandler: You do realize that's your brother.
Monica: Not until you said it. Somebody switch!

Quote from Ross

Charlie: Dr. Geller!
Ross: God, you're amazing. I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Get over here!
Chandler: Whoa.
Monica: Oh, my God! I love how thin these walls are! [after Chandler stuffs Monica's hair in her mouth] Thank you.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Hey, before, you said that nothing could happen between us. What changed?
Joey: Well, I only said that because of Ross. And then I saw him kissing Charlie.
Rachel: What? Ross and Charlie? Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Eh, who am I to talk?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.
Chandler: Okay, Buckwheat.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
Charlie: I completely understand.
Ross: All right, I'm gonna go find him. I just need a second before I can, you know... Grandma, Grandma, Grandma. Okay, I'll see you later.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: That's the door. He's gone.
Chandler: And she's turning on the TV and watching ... Miss Congeniality.
Monica: Honey? If you know it through a wall, you know it too well.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Rach, you there?
Joey: Oh, my God, that's Ross. What are we gonna do?
Rachel: Okay, just be calm. Be calm. For all he knows, we're just hanging out together. All right? So just be nonchalant.
Rachel: That's not nonchalant.
Joey: I have no idea what it means.
Rachel: Okay, just hide.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Have you thought about how complicated this could get? What about Ross?
Joey: Well, he's with Charlie now.
Monica: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?
Joey: You're a pain in my ass, Geller.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Although-
Joey: I like "although."
Rachel: I mean, you know Ross and I haven't dated in, like six years.
Joey: Six years? Wow. That's almost as long as high school.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a good time to talk to him.
Joey: I guess so. I'm just- I'm really nervous.
Rachel: Well, keep in mind that by the time you're done they'll probably be serving dinner.
Joey: Ooh.
Rachel: Still nervous?
Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna.

Quote from Phoebe

Precious: Hi. I'm Precious. Who are you?
Phoebe: I'm Phoebe.
Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend, Phoebe? The love of his life? That Phoebe?
Phoebe: Enchanté.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Mike and I are back together. And unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. He's very sorry about that, and wishes you the best luck in all your endeavors.

Quote from Phoebe

Precious: I just can't believe this. Why?
Phoebe: Well, I don't-
Precious: Why would he do this? What's wrong with me?
Phoebe: There's nothing wrong with you.
Precious: What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Phoebe: Damn it, woman! Pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God! [Precious cries] Okay, not a fan of the tough love.

Quote from Phoebe

Precious: I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning.
Phoebe: But he didn't really know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me.
Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever!
Phoebe: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you.
He was gonna break up with you on your birthday? And I don't like to kiss and tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
Precious: Oh, my God, you know, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect. Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell!
Phoebe: You're welcome.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Now that I untangled you, how about you do a little something for me?
Monica: Sure. What did you have in mind?
Chandler: I think you know.
Monica: Really? I don't- I don't really feel like it.
Chandler: This is what I want to do.
Monica: Okay. I just don't get why you like it so much.
Chandler: She's an FBI agent posing as a beauty contestant!


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