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‘The One with the Videotape’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Videotape

804. The One with the Videotape

Aired October 18, 2001

When Ross and Rachel tell their friends about how they came to hook up, a disagreement over who came on to whom prompts Ross to reveal he has their encounter on a video tape.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: I still don't get why Greg and Jennie would give us a fake number.
Joey: You know, if they knew what they were doing, they didn't give you real names either.
Monica: Okay. Maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don't give out fake names.
Joey: Oh, yeah? Hi. Ken Adams. Nice to meet you.
Phoebe: Regina Phalange.

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Quote from Ross

Kristen: This is great wine.
Ross: It's from France. In Europe. Western Europe. You know, a few years ago, actually, I was backpacking across Western Europe.
Kristen: Really?
Ross: Uh-huh. Wait, it gets better. Yeah, I was in Barcelona.
Kristen: I studied for a year in Barcelona.
Ross: Anyway, um, so I was hiking-
Kristen: I love hiking.
Ross: Oh, that's great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo-
Kristen: I think it's "Tibidabo."
Ross: Okay. Do you want to tell the story?!

Quote from Joey

Rachel: How do you know about that story?
Joey: How do you know about that story?
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.
Joey: Some guy.
Rachel: No, no. She told me that his name was Ken Adams.
Joey: Ken Adams!

Quote from Joey

Ross: You were in Western Europe, and?
Joey: I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing and there was a lake. Very secluded. There were tall trees all around. It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself. But she was crying.
Ross: Why?

Quote from Joey

Ross: Yes, let's. You know what, it's not important. What's important is that we're having a baby. It doesn't matter who came on to who.
Joey: "Whom." That's right.

Quote from Joey

Monica: [on the phone] Hello? 8th Street Deli?
Joey: Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning just talking to that place.
Monica: Sorry, wrong number.
Chandler: Here you go, babe.
Monica: [phones again] Hello? It's the deli again!
Joey: All right, I'll have a sandwich.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: I don't think this number's right.
[Joey and Phoebe laugh]
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: You got fake-numbered.
Monica: What? People don't do that.
Joey: Oh, I think we do.
Monica: They gave us a fake number? Why would they do that?
Chandler: I don't know. You were a delight to talk to. You asked all those insightful, great questions.
Monica: And you've never been funnier. I mean, joke, joke, joke. You were a hoot.
Joey: You know what, don't worry about it. You still got me and Phoebe.
Phoebe: Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even open the door.
Phoebe: Hmm. I wonder why, pervert.
Ross: Okay, listen, I am not a pervert.
Phoebe: That's, like, the pervert motto. Yeah, they have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants and repeat that.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Here's what happened. And Joey, you can back me up on this. All right, about a month and a half ago, remember I came to you with a problem? The personal thing?
Joey: Pers- What personal thing?
Ross: About- About sex? That I hadn't had sex in months?
Joey: Yeah, I knew what you were talking about.

Quote from Joey

Ross: I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sex-wise.
Joey: Oh, for, like, months?
Ross: Five, to be lying. Six.
Joey: Six months? Whoa, that's rough.
Ross: I mean, it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the smaller things in life, like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Joey: The sky's blue, Ross. And I had sex yesterday.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, I got something. Okay, it's this story that I came up with. Very romantic. I swear, any woman that hears it, they're like putty.
Ross: Really? Okay, tell it to me.
Joey: Now, you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it. But you have to remember, it is just the story.
Ross: I'll try to control myself.
Joey: Okay. Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe-
Ross: You were backpacking across Europe?
Joey: Have a nice six more months, Ross.

Quote from Ross

Joey: Whoa. What are you doing here? How'd your date go?
Ross: Great. I'm across the street having sex with her right now.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Your story sucks.
Joey: Hey, look. If the story didn't work, it's because you didn't tell it right. Show me how you did it.
Ross: No. No, I don't want to.
Joey: How long since you seen a girl naked?
Ross: I was backpacking across Western Europe-
Joey: I'm not feeling it.
Ross: I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking-
Joey: No, no, no, Ross. I'm not hot. Are you hot?
Ross: It's been six months. I'm always hot!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Okay, in about 10 seconds, you're going to see him kiss me.
Ross: And in about 5 seconds, you're going to see why.
[on the videotape:]
Rachel: Ross, did I ever tell you about the time I went backpacking through Western Europe?
[present:]
Rachel: Okay. Get ready to see some begging.
Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross!
Rachel: What?
Ross: Now I'm so happy.
Rachel: What are you talking about?
Monica: You used the Europe story.
Chandler: That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: You think it looked amazing?
Ross: I don't know. I mean, I honestly didn't watch it.
Rachel: Yeah, me neither. Yet.
Ross: Uh, that may be weird.
Rachel: Yeah, it would be really weird.
[Ross and Rachel get ready to watch the tape]
Ross: Good luck.
Rachel: Good luck to you.
Ross: Mind if I mute?
Rachel: Oh, please.
Ross: There go the clothes.
Rachel: You are undressing awfully quickly.
Ross: Six months, Rachel. Six months.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: We look pretty good.
Rachel: I was gonna say.
Ross: Ooh, nice tan.
Rachel: Thank you. I'd just gone to the beach that weekend. Have you been working out?
Ross: I have been working out.
Rachel: Well, this is so much better than I ever- Oh.
Ross: Eh. Oh, that's not pretty.
Rachel: Oh, oh. Oh God. Make it stop. Make it stop.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that another joke?
Chandler: Was that another question?


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