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Quote from Rachel in The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding (Part 2)
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.
Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.
Chandler: Joey? Come on, think about it. First of all, he'll never be President. I mean, there's never going to be a President Joey.
Joey: All right, look, man, I didn't want to bring this up. But Chandler is the stupidest name I've ever heard in my life. It's not a name. It's barely even a word, okay? It's kind of like chandelier, but it's not. All right, it's a stupid, stupid, non-name.
Chandler: So the fact that I'm a doctor and my wife's a reverend, that's important to you?
Erica: Yeah. I read some great applications but I thought, "Who better than a minister to raise a child?"
Erica: Plus, I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor.
Monica: Oh, good hands. Healing hands.
Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the Bible say anything about adoption?
Monica: It says, "Do it." "And behold, she did adopt unto them a baby. And it was good."
Chandler: Yeah, wow.
Phoebe: [talking to Monica's hair] All right, let's see. Now, some of you are gonna get cut and some of you aren't. But I promise, none of you will feel a thing.
Joey: All right, Ross you're in the lead. Would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Ross: The Wheel has not been my friend tonight, Joey. I'll take another question.
Joey: Okay, this is going to be tough. Hold your breath.
Ross: It's okay. I'm ready.
Joey: No, dude, you gotta hold your breath until you're ready to answer the question.
Chandler: This is ridiculous. He's not gonna-
[Ross holds his breath]
Joey: Okay. What do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia? Triska- Holy cow. That's a big word. Tris- Seriously, look at this, Chandler. How do you say that?
Chandler: Let me see that.
Joey: This one right here.
Ross: Fear of Triscuits.
Joey: No. No. Fear of the number 13.
Chandler: Fear of Triscuits?
Ross: It's possible. They have really sharp edges.
Rachel: You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs she looks like a cross between Kermit the Frog and the Six Million Dollar Man.
Ross: Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
Rachel: Oh, I used to do that too.
Monica: Did you also have his album, "It's Not Easy Being Green"?
Rachel: Oh, Mon.
Monica: So Phoebe runs weird, huh?
Joey: Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew. Here come the meat sweats.
Monica: Well, Joey, we're all very proud of you.
Chandler: Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the president any moment now.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Joey: No. Just nobody press on my stomach.
Rachel: You can keep those pants, by the way.
Joey: Ooh, what you got there? What is that, pie?
Monica: Yeah. You want some?
Joey: Yeah, just cut me a little sliver. Little bigger. Little bigger. What are you afraid you're going to run out? Cut me a real piece!
Chandler: Where you going, Joe?
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: You mind if I join you?
Joey: Actually, I'd rather be alone. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Chandler: Your thoughts? Plural?
Joey: All right, fine. I only have one thought. It's about the hot nanny. I gotta see her.
Rachel: I mean, you're not going to be the one worrying about saving for college. Or yelling at them when they're bad. You know? Or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down.
Monica: You'll be the one they come to when they run away from home. The one they talk to about sex.
Rachel: You just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool.
Rachel: And you know what else? Oh, my God, are they going to love you.
Phoebe: They are going to love me. Thanks, you guys.
Chandler: What I mean is, you're Monica. Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Monica: Keep going.
Chandler: So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you.
Monica: Even if I were to shrink down to 2 inches tall?
Chandler: I'd carry you around in my pocket.
Monica: I love you.
Chandler: Skidmark still got a way with the ladies.
Chandler: Solid effort. Solid effort.
Monica: Oh, so who won?
Phoebe: Green Bay.
Phoebe: Well, the Lions technically won. But it was a moral victory for the Green Bay ... Mermen.
Ross: I can't believe Rachel just moved on and didn't say anything to me.
Chandler: Maybe she didn't move on. Maybe that kiss was just an impulsive, one-time birthday thing.
Ross: No, a month ago, she gave her number to some guy in a bar.
Chandler: Did she go out with him?
Ross: No. When he called I threw the message away.
Chandler: Ah, the high road.
Chandler: Why are you all the way over here if Joshua's over there?
Rachel: I'm trying to play hard-to-get. Quick, he's looking. Say something funny.
Chandler: Like what? [Rachel laughs]
Joey: What's so funny?
Chandler: I said, "Like what?"
Joey: Now that's a thinker.
Ross: Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?
Monica: Yeah, I think that's great.
Ross: Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes madeleines?
Monica: Oh. How are they?
Ross: Lighter than air, but that's not the point.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can hear everything.
Phoebe: I can show you. Okay, this'll seem a little weird. But you put your head inside this turkey and then we'll all talk and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler: I'd just like to say I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
Monica: Phoebe, Ross sucks.
Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.
Phoebe: Oh, my God, he's not even appreciated in his own time. I'd give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!
Rachel: Look. Blaire forgot her glasses. She's going to really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend. Who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.
Rachel: What? I don't gossip.
[Chandler and Joey laugh]
Rachel: Maybe sometimes I find out things. Or I hear something and I pass that information on. You know, kind of like a public service. It doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you cal Ted Koppel a gossip?
Monica: Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his coworkers' botched boob jobs, I would.
Rachel: Well, they were like this!
Chandler: You're not still upset about what that guy told you, are you?
Monica: Wouldn't you be?
Chandler: Look, it's been a really emotional time and you've had a lot to drink. You have to let that go, okay? You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight.
Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms-
Monica: There's always gonna be a reason not to do this but I think once the baby comes, we'll forget about all those reasons.
Chandler: I guess. I mean, it's always gonna be scary when we have a baby.
Monica: It's gonna be really scary. I mean, God, when we have a baby there's gonna be so much that we're not able to control. I mean, the apartment's gonna be a mess. I won't have time to clean it. What if the baby gets into the ribbon drawer and messes up all the ribbons? What if there's no room for a ribbon drawer because the baby's stuff takes up all the space? Where will all the ribbons go?
Chandler: Should we go make a baby right now before you change your mind?
Monica: Yes, please.
Chandler: Okay. And I promise I will not fake it this time.
Monica: Well, I wish I could say the same. I'm a little shook up.