Joey: Anyway, I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. You want to hear it?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Listen, this is just the first draft, so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." Eh? "It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Should we call the spitter?

Rachel: Well, now that everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Phoebe: Aw. What?
Rachel: No. No, Emma dropped her sock.
Monica: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.
Phoebe: It's a good toast.
Rachel: Look, will you please get her attention?
Ross: Oh. Mommy? Mother. [mouths] Sock.
Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake. Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.

Joey: Well, it's good you got out, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
Ross: The volcano?
Joey: And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Rachel: What?
Joey: Yeah. Lava spewing, hot ash. Of course, some are dormant.
Monica: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?
Joey: We can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The vas deferens? The Vietnam War?
Monica: Oh. Did anyone see that documentary on the Korean War?
Phoebe: Oh, God. Korea's a beautiful country.
Ross: With such a sad history.
Chandler: Could there be more Kims?
[Joey laughs at Chandler's joke, looks disappointed]

Ross: Her cousin has this great place to sublet. It's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Joey: That's way uptown. That's like three trains away ... [Phoebe pinches on Joey's neck] ... which is great. I love to ride that rail.

Rachel: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Which one?
Joey: Well, it's one of her favorites. "Riding the Storm Out: Coping With Postpartum Depression." Eeesh. "Love You Forever". Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly Books. Printed in Mexico. Ahem.
A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang, 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.'...
And while he rocked her, he sang: 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.'
Rachel: Oh, wow! That was amazing.
Ross: Thank you so much for that gift.
Chandler: I was not ready for this today.
Ross: Amazing. Amazing.

Ross: It is time for you to give your maid-of-honor speech.
Rachel: Oh, wait a minute. We haven't even prepared-
Ross: Go.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay. Webster's Dictionary defines marriage as- Okay, no. Forget that! That sucks! Okay, never mind. Forget it. I met- I met Monica when we were just a couple of 6-year-olds, and became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a 6-year-old. Thank you. Thank you very much. I've known them separately and together. And to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.

Monica: Okay, what's up?
Chandler: Okay. You know we always said it would be fun to move to Paris for a year? And you could study French cooking, and I could write and we could picnic along the Seine, and go wine-tasting in Bordeaux.
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay. You know how people say that Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma?
Monica: What? Who says that?
Chandler: People who have never been to Paris?
Monica: Well, what's going on?
Chandler: We're moving to Tulsa.
Monica: Excuse me?
Chandler: Okay. Ms. McKenna, she kind of works above my boss. She asked me to move to Tulsa and be the president of our office there. And I was sleeping and apparently said yes.
Monica: Tulsa, Oklahoma?
Chandler: The Sooner State. Whatever that is.

Emily: It's time to go.
Ross: See, that clock's a little fast. We still have 17 minutes. What can we do in 17 minutes ... twice?

Rachel: Why don't we play rock, paper, scissors, and whoever loses, goes in first.
Joey: All right, I'm in.
Rachel: Ready.
Joey: Ha, ha! I win.
Ross: What is that?
Joey: That's fire. It beats everything.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon?
Joey: Well played, Phoebe Buffay. Well played.

Monica: Wow. Isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Yeah. You know, and given my lifelong search for irony you can imagine how happy I am.

Phoebe: So what's going on with you?
Ross: Well, I've been doing a lot more of my karate.
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: How long has it been since you've had sex?
Ross: Well, last weekend-
Phoebe: Oh, that's not so bad.
Ross: Will be two months, since I stopped trying.

Chandler: You know what, I'm gonna go home, before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life.
Ross: I do have a newfound respect for life.
Chandler: Oh, my God!

Rachel: First, I would like to say thank you for seeing me again.
Mr. Zelner: That's quite all right. But I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped.
Rachel: Okay. Well, first, I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and for yelling at you.
Mr. Zelner: Fair enough.
Rachel: Now, you're probably going to hire one of the people who, uh, did not yell at you and storm out. And I think that's a big mistake. And here's why. I made a huge fool of myself, and I came back. That shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. Okay, ahem. Now, I know that I've already said courage but, you know, you've got to have courage. And finally, when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace I said no, and I was not litigious. So there you go! You got courage, you got integrity, you got courage again, and not litigious.

Chandler: All right. Ten bucks. Fork it over. Cough it up. Pay the piper. Give me it.

Rachel: Did you or did you not tell him I was interested in a serious relationship?
Chandler: I did! I absolutely did.
Rachel: You idiot!
Chandler: I'm sure you're right. But why?
Rachel: You don't tell a guy that you're looking for a serious relationship. You don't tell the guy that. Now you scared him away.
Chandler: I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.
Rachel: You should never be allowed to talk to people.
Chandler: I know, I know!

Ross: How sad are we?
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Chandler: You know what? We're not sad. We're not sad. We're just not 21 anymore. You know? I'm 29 years old, damn it! I want to sit in a comfortable chair, watch TV and go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

[Joey's sisters enter the apartment]
Chandler: Okay. How many of that girl are you seeing?

Joey: It's like you work your whole life for something and you think that when you get it it'll never be as good as you thought. But this so was. It changed everything. Like, the other day, I got this credit card application and I was pre-approved. I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
Chandler: I'm sorry, man.
Rachel: Joey, I don't know if this'll mean anything to you but you'll always be pre-approved with us.
Joey: No, that means nothing to me.