Trending ‘Friends’ Quotes
Chandler: Oh, hey.
Russ: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm sorry, man.
Russ: All she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about?
[Chandler shakes his head]
Phoebe: Oh, I do. It's it's Bob Saget. She hates him.
Quote from Rachel in The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding (Part 2)
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.
Chandler: What do you say I go over there and tell her how much I like her? No, no, it'll be good. I can tell her how much I've been thinking of her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment we met. That I'm so fantastically over the top, want-to-slit-my-own-throat in love with her that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!
Joey: Well, that's pretty good. But you might want to tone it down a little.
Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.
Monica: I'm not sure about this.
Phoebe: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business.
Monica: No, I'm not sure this is the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass!
Rachel: I will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Rachel: I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning.
Chandler: With extra pulp?
Rachel: I've got it!
Chandler: You don't have it.
Rachel: I have so got it. There's going to be rumors about this. No way to stop it. Sophie knows. Monica and Phoebe know.
Chandler: How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Rachel: I called them. And when they ask me what I saw ... I can be very generous ... or very stingy.
Chandler: Go on.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation's Milton Berle.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has-
Rachel: Oh. Not compared to you.
Monica: I told Rachel that it's just gonna be the two of us.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Well, how'd she take it?
Monica: Really well. Surprisingly well. She didn't cry. She wasn't angry or sad.
Chandler: And you're upset because you didn't make your best friend cry?
Monica: I mean, all I'm asking for is a little emotion. Is that too much to ask after six years? I mean, what, are Rachel and I not as close as you guys? I mean, did we not have as much fun? Don't I deserve a few tears?
Rachel: Oh, everything looks delicious. What should I have? What should I have?
Joey: Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman.
Ross: I know what you mean, this menu's incredible.
Joey: Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach.
Rachel: Okay, in about 10 seconds, you're going to see him kiss me.
Ross: And in about 5 seconds, you're going to see why.
[on the videotape:]
Rachel: Ross, did I ever tell you about the time I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Rachel: Okay. Get ready to see some begging.
Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross!
Ross: Now I'm so happy.
Rachel: What are you talking about?
Monica: You used the Europe story.
Chandler: That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex.
Monica: How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room?
Chandler: I was asleep. No, no, no. Honey, you know what's sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy.
And blankets are sexy. And hot water bottles are sexy.
Monica: Come on. Get into bed. I want to prove I'm not sick. I want to make you feel as good as I feel. [sneezes]
Chandler: Would you please get some rest?
Monica: I'm fine. [coughing]
Ross: You were in Western Europe, and?
Joey: I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing and there was a lake. Very secluded. There were tall trees all around. It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself. But she was crying.
Ross: I think the check-in is that way.
[A kid points and laughs at Rachel]
Rachel: Oh, kids love me.
Phoebe: Hey. Hi, you guys are here. What'd you do? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess. Pancho Villa and you're Bob Saget.
Rachel: Pancho Villa?
Rachel: What are you talking about, Pheebs? I don't- Oh, my God! You drew on me?
Ross: Hey, you wet my pants.
Phoebe: Oh, what kind of party was this?
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid-of-honor speech.
Rachel: Oh, wait a minute. We haven't even prepared-
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay. Webster's Dictionary defines marriage as- Okay, no. Forget that! That sucks! Okay, never mind. Forget it. I met- I met Monica when we were just a couple of 6-year-olds, and became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a 6-year-old. Thank you. Thank you very much. I've known them separately and together. And to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Rachel: Look. Claire forgot her glasses. She's going to really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend. Who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.
Rachel: What? I don't gossip.
[Chandler and Joey laugh]
Rachel: Maybe sometimes I find out things. Or I hear something and I pass that information on. You know, kind of like a public service. It doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you cal Ted Koppel a gossip?
Monica: Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his coworkers' botched boob jobs, I would.
Rachel: Well, they were like this!
Phoebe: Thanks for the great movie tip.
Monica: Did you like it?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. I don't know if I was happier when George Bailey destroyed the business or Donna Reed cried or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Monica: All right, I'll give you the ear thing, but didn't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
Phoebe: I didn't watch the ending. I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse. It should've been called: "It's a Sucky Life, And Just When You Think It Can't Suck Anymore, It Does!"
Joey: Are you still here?
Chandler: Yes. And I have to say I am not just hurt, I'm insulted. When I tell somebody I did something-
Joey: Okay, hold on, let me just stop you right there, okay? First, you lied. Right? Then you lied about lying, okay? Then you lied about lying about lying, okay? So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about lying- Stop lying.
Phoebe: Hey, why isn't it "Spiderman"? Like Goldman, Silverman?
Chandler: Because it's not his last name.
Phoebe: It isn't?
Chandler: It's not, like, Phil Spiderman. He's a Spider-Man: You know, like, Goldman is a last name. But there's no Gold-Man.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. There should be a Gold-Man!
Phoebe: I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places.
Chandler: Pheebs, what are you doing with the coat? How about the whole animal rights thing?
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up, and for your information minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it. I love this coat, okay? It's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley. Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine.
Ross: Mona. What a beautiful name.
Mona: You think so? Because I always kind of hated it.
Ross: Come on. Mona Lisa? Mona Klegglachen? The famous botanist. Huh? Oh, no, she's- Well, she's dead now. But supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
Mona: Well, see, I never knew about her.
Ross: Linda Klegglachen.