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‘The One with the Ultimate Fighting Competition’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Ultimate Fighting Competition

324. The One with the Ultimate Fighting Competition

Aired May 8, 1997

Monica tries to support Pete as he enters the Ultimate Fighting Competition, but she can't bear to see him pummeled. Meanwhile, Chandler is upset that his boss keeps slapping him on the butt, and Rachel is angry with Phoebe for setting Ross up on a date.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Do you think there's a town in Missouri or someplace called Sample? And as you're driving into the town, there's a sign and it says: "You're in Sample."

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Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you, Mon? Or should I say, "Mrs. Monica Becker"?
Phoebe: Oh, keep your name. Don't take his name.
Monica: He didn't ask me to marry him.
Phoebe: Then definitely don't take his name.

Quote from Joey

Monica: It's sort of like wrestling. But without the costumes.
Joey: And it's not fake. It's totally brutal.
Chandler: Yeah, it's two guys in the ring and the rules are, "There are no rules!"
Monica: You can, like, bite and pull people's hair and stuff?
Ross: Anything goes except eye-gouging and fish-hooking.
Monica: What's fish-hooking?
Ross: What's fish-hook- [Joey fish-hooks Ross] Thanks, man. That would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean. I just gave the duck a bath.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Can we please go eat?
Ross: Yeah, what are we getting?
Monica: Anything but stew.

Quote from Joey

Ross: So, Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. Just don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Or you could teach him a lesson, you know? What you could do is rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell.
Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?

Quote from Monica

Monica: Are we still on for tonight? Good. Because maybe we could have a little workout of our own.
Hoshi: No boom-boom before big fight!

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Oh, well this is just perfect!
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry. I thought you said it was okay.
Rachel: Yeah, I said it was okay when I thought she was some weird bald chick. I mean, you know, that girl has got hair all over her head.
Phoebe: Well maybe it won't work out. Maybe Ross won't like her personality.
Rachel: Why? Does she have a bad personality?
Phoebe: Oh, no, Bonnie's the best.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Pete? That guy's pretty huge.
Pete: Don't worry. Hoshi taught me to use my opponent's strength and weight against him.
Ross: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.

Quote from Ross

Ross: This is ironic. Your last boyfriend, Richard, didn't want to have kids. And from the looks of it, now Pete can't.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: So, Monica, what were you gonna tell us?
Monica: I have no idea.

Quote from Chandler

Doug: Let's go out there and get them! And remember: There is no "I" in "team."
Chandler: Yes, but there's two in "martini." So, everybody, back to my office.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Today, my boss kept slapping my butt and acting like it's no big deal.
Phoebe: What'd you do about it?
Chandler: I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica: I gotta tell you, I think it's okay to be that guy.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: You know, I don't understand guys. I mean, I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by, you know, grabbing her boob.
Chandler: Yeah, I know. For a really great stew, you'd just stick your head in between them.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: What if Joey was president?

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Can I ask you something? Okay, you can totally say no, but would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
Rachel: With who?
Phoebe: My friend Bonnie. She always thought Ross was cute and she asked if I could set it up. But if that's not cool-
Rachel: Which one is Bonnie?
Phoebe: You remember her from my birthday party? Average height, medium build, bald.
Rachel: That's fine.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: You said she was bald.
Phoebe: Yes, she was bald. She's not now.
Rachel: How could you not tell me she has hair?
Phoebe: I don't know. I hardly ever say that about people.

Quote from Monica

Pete: One other thing. Hoshi thinks you being ringside may have affected my concentration.
Monica: Yeah, that was the problem.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, Ross, so how did it go with Bonnie?
Ross: Oh, I gotta tell you, I wasn't expecting to like her at all. I actually wasn't expecting to like anyone right now. But she's really terrific.
Phoebe: Oh, it's too bad.
Ross: No, I'm saying I liked her.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, there are other fish in the sea.
Ross: Pheebs, I think she's great, okay? We're going out again.
Phoebe: Okay, I hear you. Are you capable of talking about anything else?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: So did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler: Nine times. I had to put on lotion.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Excuse me, Doug? [silence] Hey there, sports fan!
Doug: Bing! You got those numbers for me?
Chandler: No. I didn't do them.
Doug: Oh. You forgot?
Chandler: No. No, I just didn't do them. Instead, I hung out with some friends and had a couple of beers. So I certainly don't deserve praise, verbal ... or otherwise.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Doug! I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the way that you express yourself.
Doug: Is it the swearing? ls it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell you, if it is, well you can just kiss my ass!
Chandler: No, no. It's not about the swearing. It's more about the way that you occasionally concentrate your enthusiasm on my buttocks. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the sentiment. It's just that I have a rather sensitive posterior. And besides, it's making all the other guys jealous.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Look. It's Ross and that girl.
Phoebe: No, look at that. It's a line of ants. They're working as a team.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Please listen to me. You are terrible at this, okay? You are the worst Ultimate Fighter ever. Ever!
Pete: I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm, and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but that really hurt.

Quote from Chandler

Doug: Well, what about you? You're not feeling left out, are you?
Chandler: No, not at all. That's ridiculous.
Doug: Everybody else got one, and you want one too. Don't you?
Chandler: Yes, I do.
Doug: Now, get on out of here, you!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Run! Run you crazy rich freak.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant or inside his shower drain?

Quote from Ross

Ross: That's right. Ryder. Winona Ryder for six. Thank you. Yeah. We have the reservations.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: That was depressing. I just bought a pretzel from one of the kids from Fame.


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