Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
Phoebe: Okay, look. Before you even start, I'm not denying evolution. It's just one of the possibilities.
Ross: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Okay, Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the Earth was flat? And up until, what, like 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
Ross: There might be ... a teeny ... tiny ... possibility.
Phoebe: I can't believe you caved.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: You just abandoned your whole belief system! Before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you.
Ross: But-
Phoebe: How are you gonna go into work tomorrow? How are you going to face the other science guys? How are you going to face yourself? Oh. [Ross closes his briefcase and somberly walks out of the apartment] That was fun. So who's hungry?

Chandler: Okay, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
Ross: We'll give you Janice.
Phoebe: I miss Janice, though. [mimics Janice] Hello, Chandler Bing.
Rachel: [mimics Janice] Oh, my God!
Joey: [mimics Janice] Oh, Chandler. Now! Now! Yeah! That's it. There! Faster!

Monica: Chandler, you are not gonna die alone.
Chandler: Janice was my safety net, okay? And now I have to get a snake.
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Why is that?
Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing. You know, a hook. Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be "Crazy Man With A Snake." You know, Crazy Snake Man. Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won't walk past my place, they will will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!

Ross: Okay, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs! Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?
Phoebe: Maybe the Overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
Ross: Tell me you're joking.
Phoebe: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something and I don't?
Ross: No, Pheebs, we can't. Okay, because it's like math. One plus one equals two. I can't stand by and let you think that one plus one might equal three, or four, or yellow.
Phoebe: Why not? What's this all about? What is this obsessive need you have to make everybody agree with you? What's that all about? You know what, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.

Monica: How many women will you reject over superficial, insignificant things-
Joey: Whoa, whoah. Hold it. I mean, I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl. Really hot. Great kisser but she had the biggest Adam's apple. Drove me nuts.
Chandler: You or me?
Ross: I got it. Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
Joey: You guys are messing with me, right?
Ross: Yes, we are!
Joey: That's a good one. For a second there, I was like, whoa!

Janice: Hey, it's everybody!
Monica: Hi, Janice.
Chandler: Janice, you're-
Janice: Yes, I am.
Chandler: ls it?
Janice: ls it yours? You wish, Chandler Bing! You are looking at a married lady now.
Chandler: Congratulations.
Janice: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Chandler: You couldn't have told me about this over the phone?
Janice: And what? Miss the expression on your face? Oh, no! Janice likes to have her fun! [laughs]

Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: Not really.
Ross: You don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: I don't know. It's just, you know. Monkeys, Darwin, it's a nice story. I just think it's a little too easy.
Ross: "Too easy"? Too- The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms is "too easy"?
Phoebe: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Ross: Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Don't get me started on gravity.
Ross: You don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that, you know, like, I don't believe in it. It's just, I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

Monica: Hello, Mr. Heckles.
Mr. Heckles: You're doing it again.
Monica: We're not doing anything.
Mr. Heckles: You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.
Rachel: You don't have birds.
Mr. Heckles: I could have birds.

Chandler: Look at this! My Big Book of Grievances.
Joey: Hey, there's me! "April 17th, excessive noise Italian guy comes home with a date."
Joey: Chandler, look, you're in here too.
Chandler: "April 18th, excessive noise Italian guy's gay roommate brings home dry cleaning." Well, that's excellent.

Joey: Have you been here all night?
Chandler: Look at this. Pictures of all the women Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. "Vivian, too tall." "Madge, big gums." "Too loud." "Too smart." "Makes noise when she eats." This is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
Joey: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
Chandler: Our trains are on the same track. Yeah sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town Alone-ville, Hermit Junction!