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‘The One with the Worst Best Man Ever’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Worst Best Man Ever

422. The One with the Worst Best Man Ever

Aired April 30, 1998

Ross regrets making Joey his best man when he reveals that a stripper might have stolen his engagement ring. Meanwhile, Rachel and Monica throw a baby shower for a supremely unhappy Phoebe.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: A little announcement. I have decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther.
Gunther: What's my last name?
Chandler: Central Perk?

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Quote from Joey

Ross: Any ideas for the bachelor party?
Joey: Whoa, whoa. Before you start handing out rings and planning bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is going to be?
Chandler: Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward.
Ross: I sort already asked Chandler.
Joey: What? He got to do it at your first wedding.
Ross: Joey, I figured you'd understand. I mean, I've known him a lot longer.
Joey: Come on, Ross. I don't have any brothers. I'm never going to get to be a best man.
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: I'm never going to get to be a best man.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Hey, guys, what are you doing?
Ross: Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Ross: Yeah, see, I don't think it's going to be that difficult since this one won't take place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Chandler: Ooh, I'm Ross, I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut. I'm too good for the Hut.

Quote from Gunther

Gunther: Thanks for not marrying Rachel.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: The stripper stole my wedding ring? How? How? How could this happen?
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey, Joey, you be my best man!"

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: That was the 10th time I've peed since I've been here.
Monica: It's also like the 10th time you've told us.
Phoebe: Yeah, sorry, it must be really hard to hear. I tell you, it's a lot easier having three babies playing "Bring in Da Funk" on your bladder.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Stop it.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking.
Monica: I thought that was a good thing.
Phoebe: It's not kicking me. It's kicking one of the other babies. Oh. Don't make me come in there!

Quote from Joey

Joey: In terms of the invite list, obviously I got you, me and Chandler. And I'm going to invite Gunther because we've been talking about this pretty loud.
Gunther: I'll be there.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet.
Monica: Phoebe's going to love dressing them in these.
Rachel: Except Phoebe's not going to be the one who gets to dress them.
Monica: I guess she's not gonna get to keep the babies.
Rachel: Oh, my God, we are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Unless we give her all gifts she can use after her pregnancy. Like regular coffee. Tequila.
Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get her those leather pants that she's always wanted.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: What the hell is this? You actually thought it'd make me feel better? To give me something I can't even use for another two months? This sucks. All right, what's my next present?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, museum geeks, the party's over. Wave goodbye to the nice lady. Okay, back to your parents' basement.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Everything's been about me lately. So what's happening with you?
Rachel: Oh, actually, we were just talking about me not going to Ross's wedding. It just might be too hard, given the history and all that.
Phoebe: Wow. This reminds me of the time when I was living on the street. And this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Rachel: How is this like that?
Phoebe: Well, let's see. It's not ... really like that. You see, because that was an actual problem.
And yours is just, like, you know, a bunch of high-school crap that nobody really gives-
[Rachel starts crying]
Rachel: I'm sorry. I guess just thought-
Phoebe: Oh, here come the water works.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Not on you, on the stripper.
Joey: I already did that. They said they'd look into it after they solve all the murders.
Ross: We'll call the company that sent her.
Joey: I did that too. They wouldn't give me her real name. They said if I bother them again, they'd call the police. I said, "You talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring."

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, Chandler, this is great. You get behind the desk and when she comes in, she won't recognize you because- Well, why would she? Okay. And then you buzz Ross and l. You be Mr.
Gonzales, and I'll be Mr. Wong.
Ross: Diverse.

Quote from Chandler

Stripper: Look, I don't need to steal a stupid ring. I make $1,600 a week doing what I do. Any of you guys make that?
Chandler: Marry me.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: I still don't get how you know it's false labor.
Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies?

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: I mean, you're not going to be the one worrying about saving for college. Or yelling at them when they're bad. You know? Or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down.
Monica: You'll be the one they come to when they run away from home. The one they talk to about sex.
Rachel: You just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool.
Rachel: And you know what else? Oh, my God, are they going to love you.
Phoebe: They are going to love me. Thanks, you guys.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I am so sick of being pregnant. The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee which of course is decaf because, oh, I'm pregnant.
Ross: Pheebs, you want a cookie?
Phoebe: [sobbing] Thank you, so much.
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, how are those mood swings coming?
Phoebe: I haven't really had any yet.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I can't believe I'm going to have a party. That's so great. A party! Yay! Ha, ha, ha- [crying] I don't know why.

Quote from Ross

Joey: So you know who to ask to host your next bachelor party? Huh?
Ross: Joey, I'm kind of hoping this will be my last one.


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