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The One with the Worst Best Man Ever

‘The One with the Worst Best Man Ever’

Season 4, Episode 22 - Aired April 30, 1998

Ross regrets making Joey his best man when he reveals that a stripper might have stolen his engagement ring. Meanwhile, Rachel and Monica throw a baby shower for a supremely unhappy Phoebe.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: A little announcement. I have decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther.
Gunther: What's my last name?
Chandler: Central Perk?


Quote from Ross

Chandler: Hey, guys, what are you doing?
Ross: Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Ross: Yeah, see, I don't think it's going to be that difficult since this one won't take place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Chandler: Ooh, I'm Ross, I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut. I'm too good for the Hut.

Quote from Gunther

Gunther: Thanks for not marrying Rachel.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Any ideas for the bachelor party?
Joey: Whoa, whoa. Before you start handing out rings and planning bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is going to be?
Chandler: Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward.
Ross: I sort already asked Chandler.
Joey: What? He got to do it at your first wedding.
Ross: Joey, I figured you'd understand. I mean, I've known him a lot longer.
Joey: Come on, Ross. I don't have any brothers. I'm never going to get to be a best man.
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: I'm never going to get to be a best man.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: The stripper stole my wedding ring? How? How? How could this happen?
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey, Joey, you be my best man!"

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Everything's been about me lately. So what's happening with you?
Rachel: Oh, actually, we were just talking about me not going to Ross's wedding. It just might be too hard, given the history and all that.
Phoebe: Wow. This reminds me of the time when I was living on the street. And this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Rachel: How is this like that?
Phoebe: Well, let's see. It's not ... really like that. You see, because that was an actual problem.
And yours is just, like, you know, a bunch of high-school crap that nobody really gives-
[Rachel starts crying]
Rachel: I'm sorry. I guess just thought-
Phoebe: Oh, here come the water works.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I am so sick of being pregnant. The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee which of course is decaf because, oh, I'm pregnant.
Ross: Pheebs, you want a cookie?
Phoebe: [sobbing] Thank you, so much.
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, how are those mood swings coming?
Phoebe: I haven't really had any yet.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Stop it.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking.
Monica: I thought that was a good thing.
Phoebe: It's not kicking me. It's kicking one of the other babies. Oh. Don't make me come in there!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet.
Monica: Phoebe's going to love dressing them in these.
Rachel: Except Phoebe's not going to be the one who gets to dress them.
Monica: I guess she's not gonna get to keep the babies.
Rachel: Oh, my God, we are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Unless we give her all gifts she can use after her pregnancy. Like regular coffee. Tequila.
Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get her those leather pants that she's always wanted.

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