Judy Geller: What that Rachel did to her life. We ran into her parents at the club. They were not playing well.
Jack Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding, but $40,000 is a lot of money.

Ross: Look, I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me. And so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan.
She's pregnant with my child. And she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Judy Geller: [to Monica] And you knew about this?

Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe: Then I've already seen this one.

Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this?
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend who my parents actually preferred.

Monica: You don't understand. For us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right! You serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act. I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: And it's not that we don't like the comedian. It's just that, that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: You see the problem is, though, no matter how great the show was, you girls are looking for the comedian again. I mean, we're in the car, fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise, next time you'll find yourself listening to that album alone. [Rachel high fives Monica]
Joey: Are we still talking about sex?

Monica: Whose ball of paper is this?
Chandler: Mine. You see, I wrote a note to myself, then I didn't need it. So I balled it up and now I wish I was dead.

Judy Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar.
Monica: What's that supposed to mean?
Judy Geller: Nothing. It's an expression.
Monica: No, it's not.

Monica: Look, I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.

Jack Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, you always have been. Even when you were a kid and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine. And you would read alone in your room and your puzzles.

Jack Geller: Look, there are people, like Ross, who need to shoot for the stars. With his museum and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are.
I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.