Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One with Chandler's Dad’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Chandler's Dad

722. The One with Chandler's Dad

Aired May 10, 2001

Monica convinces Chandler to reach out to his estranged father and invite him to their wedding. Meanwhile, Rachel gets into trouble when she takes Monica's Porsche for a spin, while Phoebe introduces Joey to the world of female lingerie.

Quote from Monica

Ross: I saw the Porsche parked out front. Can I get the keys? I thought I'd take that bad boy for a spin.
Rachel: Wait a minute. You let Ross drive the Porsche? Yet when I ask you, you say you're the only one who's allowed to drive it.
Monica: Well, he's my brother, and plus he drives so slow he'd never hurt it.
Ross: It's a car, Monica, not a rocket ship.
Monica: Whatever, Ross. Just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done.

Rate

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Wow, I can't believe you lied to me.
Phoebe: Okay, I can fix this. Okay, Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding.
Monica: Well, Rachel, the reason why I won't let you drive the Porsche is because you're a terrible driver. There. That wasn't about the wedding.
Ross: Look, Rach, if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche, I'll be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.
Joey: Yeah, you got a couple hours?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Come on, Ross, give me the keys. Monica does not know what she's talking about. I'm an excellent driver.
Ross: You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.
Rachel: Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: And what are you going to do when he finds out he wasn't even asked?
Chandler: Well, he doesn't have to know. It's not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Phoebe: Ooh, I think I want to trade circles.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Trust me, you don't want him there either. Nobody's going to be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a backless dress.
Monica: So what? As long as he's not wearing a white dress and veil, I don't care.
Phoebe: Okay, I think I need to do some shopping.

Quote from Monica

Monica: We're going to Las Vegas to see your dad. It's time you two talked. And I want to get to know my father-in-law.
Chandler: When we went over this, I won.
Monica: No, you didn't. And, honey, just so you know. Now that you're marrying me, you don't get to win anymore.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Okay, but I'm just doing this for you.
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: So I really never get to win anymore?
Monica: How much did you ever really win before?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I don't want him to know we're here yet. I'm not ready. He won't be too happy to see me either.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: I don't know if I've told you this, but he's kind of tried to get in contact me a lot over the last few years.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Yeah. He's made phone calls, written letters. He even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. It's all very "Cats in the Cradle." I don't want to get into it.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: It's weird. I had a dream last night that I was stopped by a policeman. And then he... Well, I probably shouldn't tell you the rest.
Officer Hanson: Your license.
Rachel: Yes. Here you go, Officer Handsome.
Officer Hanson: It's Hanson.
Rachel: Oops, sorry. My mistake.
Ross: Dear Lord!

Quote from Rachel

Officer Hanson: And in the mean time, you better let him drive. Does he have a license? Can he handle a stick?
Rachel: Well...
Ross: I can handle a stick!

Quote from Chandler

Helena Handbasket: What's your name?
Chandler: Chandler.
Helena Handbasket: Chandler? What an unusual name. You must have had terribly fascinating parents.
Chandler: Oh, they're a hoot.

Quote from Chandler

Helena Handbasket: And who is your friend?
Monica: I'm Monica.
Helena Handbasket: Monica. Where are you from?
Monica: New York.
Helena Handbasket: I'm not very fond of New York. Queens, I like. Ooh, what is this sparkling something, honey, huh?
Chandler: Actually, Monica and I are engaged.
Helena Handbasket: Really? Congratulations. When's the big day?
Monica: In two weeks.
Helena Handbasket: I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. So, you're bald.
Chandler: Wait, wait. We'd really love it if you could be there.
Helena Handbasket: Really?
Chandler: I know it would make me happy ... ma'am.
Helena Handbasket: Then I wouldn't miss it for the world. Oh, I'm getting all misty here. You'd think I was having my legs waxed or something.
Monica: You okay?
Chandler: Yeah. Thanks for making me do this.

Quote from Ross

Officer Petty: Good evening, sir. Do you know how fast you were traveling back there?
Ross: No, I don't, but it could not have been more than 60.
Officer Petty:You're right. It was 37.
Ross: I mean, you're not going to give me a ticket for driving too slow, are you?
Officer Petty: That's right.
Ross: You know, officer. I had the weirdest dream last night.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Officer Petty: Your license, please.
Ross: You don't want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
Officer Petty: It's Petty. I'll be right back with your ticket.
Rachel: You have a son.
Ross: I know. I know.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: And, you know, Jake says that women's underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Joey: Yeah, well, next thing you know he'll be telling your high heels are good for his posture.
Phoebe: There is nothing wrong with Jake, okay. He is all man. I think even more than you.
Joey: Oh, yeah. He looked like a real lumberjack in those pink lacies.
Phoebe: I'm just saying that only a man completely secure in his masculinity could walk around in women's underwear. I don't think you could ever do that.
Joey: Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
Phoebe: Okay, whatever.
Joey: You've seen my huge stack of porn, right?


 Episode 721 Episode 723 
  Select another episode