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‘The One with Two Parts: Part 1’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One with Two Parts: Part 1

116. The One with Two Parts: Part 1

Aired February 23, 1995

After Chandler and Joey visit a different coffee shop, they are surprised to find Phoebe's twin sister, Ursula, working there. Phoebe is hurt when Joney starts dating Ursula. Meanwhile, Chandler struggles to fire an employee, and Ross attends Lamaze classes with Carol and Susan.

Quote from Carol

Carol: It's impossible. It's just impossible.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: What that woman did. I am not doing that! It's just going to have to stay in, that's all. Everything will be the same. It'll just stay in.
Ross: Carol, honey. Everything's going to be all right.
Carol: Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?!"

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Quote from Chandler

Mr. Douglas: She's still here.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, she is. Didn't I memo you? After I let her go, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen- Dr. Flanan-, Dr. Flan. And he informed me that she took the news rather badly. In fact, he mentioned the word "frenzy".
Mr. Douglas: You're kidding, she seems so-
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina? She is [makes crazy noises]. In fact, if you asked her right now she would have no recollection of being fired at all. None at all.
Mr. Douglas: That's unbelievable.
Chandler: And yet believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I'm sure she will be of no threat to herself or others.
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know what's going on inside a person's head.
Chandler: Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: This is unbelievable! It's been half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham about now.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. He keeps erasing the messages on my machine. Supposedly by accident.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I've done that.
Ross: And three days in a row, he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword.
Rachel: I've never done that.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: All, right now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister.
Joey: I'm saying I see a difference.
Chandler: They're twins.
Joey: I don't care. Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.
Chandler: You know that thing when you and I talk to each other about things? Let's not do that anymore.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Pheebs, so you guys just don't get along?
Phoebe: It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know? Everyone always thought of her as the pretty one. Oh, she was the first to walk, even though I did it later that same day. To my parents, by then it was, "Yeah, what else is new?"

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I'm sorry, Pheebs. I've gotta go. I've got Lamaze class.
Chandler: Oh, and I've got earth science, but I'll catch you in gym?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Mr. D! How's it going, sir?
Mr. Douglas: It's been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in. It's pretty ugly. We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the '70s.
Chandler: So what does this mean?
Mr. Douglas: Well, we're going to laying off people in every department.
Chandler: Listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny and my hair was snarly.
Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: I'm just trying to find the right moment.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating. "Sweetheart, you're fired. But how about a quickie before I go to work?"

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Are you seeing her again tonight?
Joey: Yep, Ice Capades.
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. I've never known you to pay money for any kind of "capade".

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I'm gonna be a father.
Monica: This is just occurring to you?
Ross: I always knew I was having a baby. I just never realized the baby was having me.
Rachel: Oh, you're gonna be great.
Ross: How could you say that? I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bathmat.
How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that monkeys and babies are actually different.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Rachel: Oh, how'd she take it?
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. Little tip. If you're ever in a similar situation never, ever leave your hand on the desk.

Quote from Chandler

Nina: You wanted to see me?
Chandler: Ah, yes, I was just going over your data here. And a little thing, you've been postdating your Friday numbers.
Nina: Which is bad, because?
Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.
Nina: Excuse me?
Chandler: WENUS. Weekly Estimated-
Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics. Right. Gotcha, gotcha. Won't happen again. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt your WENUS.

Quote from Susan

Susan: Look, I don't see why I have to miss out on the coaching training because I'm a woman.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Susan: I'll flip you for it.
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no. Heads, heads, heads!
Susan: [laughs] On your back, Mom!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Excuse me.
Joey: Hello, miss.
Chandler: It's Phoebe.
Chandler: Hi.
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Chandler: Wait, wait. What are you doing here?
Ursula: Yeah, I was over there then you said, "Excuse me, hello miss." So now I'm here.
Joey: No, no. How come you're working here?
Ursula: Right, yeah. Because it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Chandler: Can we start over?
Ursula: Yeah, okay, great. I'm gonna be over here.
Chandler: No, no.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Hey, Pheebs. Guess who we saw today?
Phoebe: Oh, fun! Liam Neeson.
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Morley Safer.
Joey: No.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Monica: Okay, this could be a really long game.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Your sister, Ursula.
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Chandler: Yeah. She works over at that place-
Phoebe: Riff's. Yeah, I know.
Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys haven't talked in like years.
Phoebe: Mmm, yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Joey: Not from where I was standing.
Phoebe: Where were you standing?

Quote from Ross

Rachel: So is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Ross: No, Susan's going to be there, too. We've got dads, we've got lesbians. The whole parenting team.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Uh, hi, I'm Ross Geller. And that's, that's my boy in there. And this is Carol Willick, and this is Susan Bunch. Susan is Carol's- Who's next?
Lamaze Teacher: I'm sorry I didn't get it, Susan is?
Ross: Susan is Carol's friend.
Carol: Life partner.
Ross: Like buddies.
Susan: Like lovers.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Susan: Carol, not me.
Carol: It's a little complicated.
Ross: A little.
Susan: But we're fine.
Ross: Absolutely. [to another couple] So, twins! That's like two births. Ouch.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, cool. Urkel in Spanish is Urkel.

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