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‘The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 2)’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 2)

824. The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 2)

Aired May 16, 2002

After giving birth, Rachel settles on a name for her baby. Meanwhile, Ross considers whether to start things up with Rachel again.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Should we tell Rachel there's an empty private room right next door to hers?
Monica: We could. Or we could have sex in it.
Chandler: Well, let me think about that. While I remove my pants.
Monica: Okay, mister. Fertilize me.
[nasal laughter]
Monica: Does that sound like Janice?
Chandler: If it's not, then there's two of them. And that would mean it's the end of the world.

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Quote from Janice

Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember, Chandler. [laughs]

Quote from Rachel

Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what you're doing. Just raising her all alone.
Rachel: Oh, I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Janice: Oh, sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?
Rachel: Well, then he gets a divorce. It's Ross.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: So, do you know what you're gonna call her yet?
Phoebe: Wait a minute, it's not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Well, tell us, what are they?
Monica: Okay. If it's a boy, it's Daniel.
Rachel: And if it's a girl?
Monica: I don't want to say.
Rachel: Oh, stop. Tell us. We're not gonna want it.
Monica: Okay. It's Emma.
Rachel: [gasps] Emma. [sobbing] See, I don't want it.
Monica: Take it.
Rachel: What?
Monica: She's clearly an Emma.
Rachel: Oh, honey, but you love that name.
Monica: Yeah. But I love you more. Besides, you know, nothing goes with Bing. So I'm screwed.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Hey, you listen to me. Listen to me. You are never, ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise I won't let that happen.
Rachel: Oh, Joey. Oh, sweetie, what would I do without you?
Joey: You don't have to worry about that, okay?
Rachel: Honey, could you grab me my other box of tissues? They're right on that chair under Ross's coat.
Joey: Sure. Oh, my God! [Joey finds Ross's ring]
Rachel: Joey?
Rachel: Oh, my God. Okay.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, I've got one for you. If you had to, which would you rather eat? A Seeing Eye dog or a talking gorilla?
Cliff: I'd have to say the talking gorilla. 'Cause at least I could explain to him that you're making me eat him.
Phoebe: Ooh, somebody went to college.

Quote from Janice

Janice: I'm telling you, Rachel. Listen to Janice. They all say they're gonna be there, until they start their real family.
Rachel: That's never gonna happen with Ross.
Janice: That's what I thought about my first husband. Now, I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Miss New Boobs.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: How are you doing?
Rachel: Oh, not bad. You know that feeling when you're trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass?

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear-? Mother of God, it's true.
Janice: Chandler Bing. [laughs]
Chandler: Janice.
Ross: Not just Janice. Janice in labor. Contracting and everything.

Quote from Janice

Chandler: Janice, I didn't even know you were pregnant. Who's the unwitting human whose essence you've stolen?
Janice: It's you. This is yours.
Chandler: What?
Janice: Ha, look how nervous he gets. We haven't slept together in years. [laughs]
Chandler: That's funny. Does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, that's five, Ross. Five women have had five babies and I have had no babies. Why doesn't she want to come out?
Ross: You know what I think it is? I think you made such a nice home for her over the last nine months, that she just doesn't want to leave.
Rachel: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me.

Quote from Joey

Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy?
Phoebe: You're right. That was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just that I liked you so much.
Can we just start over?
Cliff: I don't think so.
Joey: If I may? Look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? Now, maybe it would help if you knew some personal stuff about her. She was married to a gay ice dancer.
She gave birth to her brother's triplets. Oh, oh, her twin sister used to do porn.
Phoebe: Joey, we're trying to dial down the crazy.
Joey: Right.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Oh, my God. She's amazing. Oh, I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Honey, what's the matter?
Rachel: Nothing. I'm sorry. I just can't stop crying.
Ross: The doctor said it's completely normal with all the hormones, plus you're sleep-deprived.
Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep-deprived. I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh, God.
Joey: What's the matter now?
Rachel: I was reliving it.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Actually, we've narrowed it down to two names.
Rachel: Yeah. And you know what? I love them both, so why don't you just pick one and that'll be it.
Ross: Wow, okay. Everyone? This is Isabella.
Phoebe: Hi, Isabella.
Rachel: Hi. [sobbing]
Ross: What?
Rachel: That's not her name. I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella.
Joey: What was the other one, Ross?
Ross: Delilah.
Rachel: Oh, great. Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Ahem, so, I guess we're back to Baby Girl.
Phoebe: Yay.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: It's okay, honey. You'll find a name.
Ross: Easy for you to say. You already know what your kids' names are going to be.
Chandler: You do?
Monica: Yeah, I've had them picked out since I was 14.
Chandler: Oh, no, it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good, isn't it?

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: It's just, Rachel and I, we're doing really well now.
Phoebe: I know. I know. If you try to make it more, you might wreck it.
Ross: Yeah, exactly.
Phoebe: Right. Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were 15.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I've just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone.
Joey: What are you talking about alone? What about Ross?
Rachel: Please. He'll be with his real family. The twins and little Miss New Boobs.
Joey: Okay, how long was I watching that woman?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: That was amazing.
Monica: I know. Hey, do you realize that we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started our family. Nine months from now, we could be here having our own baby.
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.

Quote from Joey

Joey: She looks so real. You know what I mean.


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