Phoebe: Is he all right?
Ross: Yeah, the doctor got the K out. He also found an M and an O.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out "monkey".

Joey: Oh. Have either of you ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it expensive?
Chandler: Only if you order stuff.
Joey: I'm taking Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Uh, tonight.
Joey: Ugh, man, what are the odds of that happening?
Ross: You take your time.
Chandler: There it is.

Jack Geller: I tell you, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried-tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody'd said to me, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune," I'd have said, "Get out of my office."

Dr. Michael Mitchell: Uh, Rachel, it's your dad.
Monica: Hi, Dad. No, no. It's me. Listen, Dad, I can't talk right now. Um, but there's something. Um, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you.
Rachel: Will you excuse me for a second?
Monica: Remember back in freshman year? Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Rachel: Oh!

Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Jack Geller: I'm not freaking out. I'm just saying if someone had come to me with the idea- Dad, Dad, Dad.
Ross: I'm talking about the whole, uh, baby thing. Did you, uh, ever get this sort of panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Jack Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, Dad, I was just wondering.
Jack Geller: Because there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that colonial Williamsburg. How about we do that?

Rachel: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school I was a cow?
Monica: I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Monica: We both do that.

Ross: You know, I just, I just I just needed to know, um when did you start to feel like a father?
Jack Geller: Oh. Well, I guess it must have been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing. And all of a sudden, you grabbed my finger with your whole fist and you squeezed it so tight. And that's when I knew. So you don't want to go to Williamsburg?
Ross: We can go to Williamsburg.
Jack Geller: Eat your fish.

Monica: Okay, insurance?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely gonna want some of that.

Monica: You don't have insurance?
Rachel: Why? How much is this gonna cost?
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars. What are we gonna do?
Rachel: There's not much we can do. Uh, unless I use yours.
Monica: No, no, no, no, no.
Rachel: Well, now, wait a second. Who did I just put as my "in case of emergency" person?

Monica: Hi, um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms.
Admissions Woman: Why?
Monica: I am really an idiot. You see, I was filling out my friend's form and instead of putting her information, I put mine.
Admissions Woman: You are an idiot.
Monica: Yep, that's me. I am that stupid.