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‘The One with Two Parts: Part 2’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Two Parts: Part 2

117. The One with Two Parts: Part 2

Aired February 23, 1995

After Rachel injured herself finally taking down the Christmas lights, Monica takes her to the hospital and finds out Rachel doesn't have any insurance. The pair swap identities so Rachel can be treated on Monica's insurance, but when they meet a pair of attractive doctors they're forced to keep up the deception longer than they anticipated.

Meanwhile, Phoebe tries to soften the blow for Joey when Ursula decides to end their relationship without even telling him, and Ross questions whether he will ever feel like a father.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh. Have either of you ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it expensive?
Chandler: Only if you order stuff.
Joey: I'm taking Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Uh, tonight.
Joey: Ugh, man, what are the odds of that happening?
Ross: You take your time.
Chandler: There it is.

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Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: I tell you, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried-tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody'd said to me, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune," I'd have said, "Get out of my office."

Quote from Jack Geller

Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Jack Geller: I'm not freaking out. I'm just saying if someone had come to me with the idea- Dad, Dad, Dad.
Ross: I'm talking about the whole, uh, baby thing. Did you, uh, ever get this sort of panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Jack Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, Dad, I was just wondering.
Jack Geller: Because there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that colonial Williamsburg. How about we do that?

Quote from Monica

Rachel: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school I was a cow?
Monica: I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Monica: We both do that.

Quote from Monica

Dr. Michael Mitchell: Uh, Rachel, it's your dad.
Monica: Hi, Dad. No, no. It's me. Listen, Dad, I can't talk right now. Um, but there's something. Um, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you.
Rachel: Will you excuse me for a second?
Monica: Remember back in freshman year? Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Rachel: Oh!

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Is he all right?
Ross: Yeah, the doctor got the K out. He also found an M and an O.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out "monkey".

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Okay, insurance?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely gonna want some of that.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: You don't have insurance?
Rachel: Why? How much is this gonna cost?
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars. What are we gonna do?
Rachel: There's not much we can do. Uh, unless I use yours.
Monica: No, no, no, no, no.
Rachel: Well, now, wait a second. Who did I just put as my "in case of emergency" person?

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hi, um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms.
Admissions Woman: Why?
Monica: I am really an idiot. You see, I was filling out my friend's form and instead of putting her information, I put mine.
Admissions Woman: You are an idiot.
Monica: Yep, that's me. I am that stupid.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler: That's nice.
Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something because the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinking they can take us. And so I, uh, heh I just heave it downfield.
Chandler: What are you, crazy? That's a baby.
Joey: He should take the sack?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield. And I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there's no way I'm not gonna get there in time. So I am running and I'm running and that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Dr. Jeffrey Rosen: Excuse me?
Rachel: God, young, young. I meant young, heh. Young to be a doctor.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part.
Rachel: It's not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said yes.
Monica: I think it's totally insane. I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: I hope it's okay.
Chandler: "Happy Birthday, Peehee".

Quote from Ross

Monica: Maybe we can make a B out of one of those roses.
Ross: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.

Quote from Jack Geller

Ross: You know, I just, I just I just needed to know, um when did you start to feel like a father?
Jack Geller: Oh. Well, I guess it must have been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing. And all of a sudden, you grabbed my finger with your whole fist and you squeezed it so tight. And that's when I knew. So you don't want to go to Williamsburg?
Ross: We can go to Williamsburg.
Jack Geller: Eat your fish.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario: Say you never feel like a father.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would.


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