Rachel: I cannot believe you. You know, I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation about us. But I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment.
Ross: Hey, none of the sane ones wanted to come back with me!

Ross: Okay, you really don't know what I'm talking about?
Chandler: No.
Ross: Okay. Last night, after the party I saw Rachel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony.
Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny, because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony and she said, "No, no. It's too cold. Nobody will go out there." And I said: "Maybe if we put some lights out there they will."
Ross: Right, that's what I came over to talk about. I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony, even though there were no lights!

Rachel: Hi, you guys. Listen, I really need your help. I think I did something really stupid.
Phoebe: Well, yes, Rachel, but you got something so beautiful out of it.

Ross: Okay, Michelle, it's time to go.
Michelle: Well, call me.
Ross: Okay.
Michelle: Wait, you don't have my phone number.
Ross: You know what? If it's meant to be, I'll guess it.

Mike: All right, I'm gonna take a little break, and when we come back we've got Kenneth singing "I Touch Myself". I'm not here to judge.

Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure. Look, can we talk about what happened here last night?
Chandler: Sure. Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you. Do you believe that whoever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do? I mean, come on!

Chandler: So are you gonna talk to her?
Ross: Why? Why should I? I mean, if she wants to move on, that's fine.
Chandler: You know when "that's fine" sounds true? When someone yells it and spits.

Ross: No, I'm serious. I mean, if she wants to date people, fine. I don't care. But at least she could have told me. You know, I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma. But if she wants to go out there kissing guys she barely knows, then so will I. [Chandler stares at Ross] Very funny! Ross is gay! Ha, ha.

Chandler: Good, so you're moving on. Do you have any idea where you're moving on to?
Ross: I don't know. I've got plenty of opportunities. I mean, just now, there was some woman at the coffeehouse smiled at me. And then the other day on the subway, a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand.
Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life.
Ross: And then, how about this. There's an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the interdepartmental potluck dinner.
Chandler: Why did I get married?

Phoebe: Okay, fine. Just please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing.
Monica: So I don't have to sing, and I can just sit there and pass judgment on others?
Phoebe: While drinking.
Monica: Ha, I'm there.