TV Quotes

Rachel: You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs she looks like a cross between Kermit the Frog and the Six Million Dollar Man.
Ross: Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
Rachel: Oh, I used to do that too.
Monica: Did you also have his album, "It's Not Easy Being Green"?
Rachel: Oh, Mon.
Monica: So Phoebe runs weird, huh?

Ross: So it said that by the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same number of functions as an actual human brain. So, theoretically, you could download your thoughts and your memories into this computer-
Janine: And live forever as a machine.
Ross: So, Janine, do you know what we're doing right now? You and l, we're interfacing.
Janine: Yeah, I gotta go.
[Chandler mimics drum fill]

Phoebe: Ready?
Rachel: Yeah, okay. Hi,
Phoebe: it's
Rachel: Rachel
Phoebe: and
Rachel: Phoebe's.
Phoebe: Please
Rachel: leave-
Phoebe: Leave.
Rachel: But I just said "leave."
Phoebe: I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get "it's," "and." Oh, I'm sorry, I have "a." Forget it.

Rachel: Phoebe, come on. That's silly.
Phoebe: All right. So let's switch.
Rachel: No, I have all the good words. Okay, fine, fine. We can switch.
Phoebe: Hi,
Rachel: everybody.
Phoebe: It's
Rachel: Rachel
Phoebe: and
Rachel: Phoebe's.
Phoebe: Wait. How did you do that?
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Oh, you're no ordinary roommate, are you?

Phoebe: All right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message. Thanks!
Rachel: Now, wait a minute. You just took all the words.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. You've met your match, Rachel Green.

Ross: So, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So, theoretically, you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and live forever as a machine.
Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.

Monica: Honey, it was a great idea, nailing the boxes to the floor.
Chandler: I didn't nail the boxes to the floor.
Monica: Oh, so you can move them.
Chandler: Yes. And while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.

Chandler: Think about it. Remember when you were going out with that girl Donna and you guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket?
Joey: Oh, God, yeah.
Chandler: Now imagine you live at the supermarket.
Joey: Okay!
Chandler: No, no.
Joey: Oh, oh. You're right. I don't want that. I can't date her.

Monica: And you'd better watch the flirting too, because in such close quarters it could be trouble.
Joey: Well, that's gonna be tough, Mon. I mean, it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.
Monica: Well, you're around me all the time, and you don't flirt.
Joey: A little sad about that, sweetie?

Phoebe: Why? Why would you do that?
Monica: I don't know. Rachel, I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.
Rachel: Ankle.
Monica: We'll see.

Chandler: Now, how's that going? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?
Joey: Yeah, so far. But it's tough. I've got all this built-up flirting energy, and I don't know how to get rid of it. [to Monica] How you doin'?

Ross: Wow. Couples who live together do start to look alike. So, Mondler. Uh, what are you doing?
Chandler: What does it look like? I am cleaning.

Chandler: She is not going to care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
Ross: Hello? Did you just meet Monica?

Ross: Look, Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind of stuff, all right? Believe me, I lived with her for sixteen years. She is going to freak out. Oh, my God. She's going to sit on you.

Chandler: You know what we should do? We should start with the big stuff. You know, that'll be the easiest. Let's start with the couch. [Chandler lifts the couch up] I got it.
Ross: Yeah, that doesn't look right.
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. Then I can just walk over here and casually put my feet right up on... Okay, here's what we do. We just move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Ross: But then the back of the couch won't line up with back of the carpet.
Chandler: Okay. Well, here. We'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. But then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
Chandler: [high-pitched voice] Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the table... Ross!

Joey: Look, I need your help. Okay. I have to do something to repel this woman. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You guys repel women all the time.
Ross: Hey, I've been married three times.
[Chandler slow claps]

Ross: Oh, you know what? Girls don't like it when I start talking about science.
Chandler: That's not specific to girls.
Joey: This is great. This is great. What else? What else?
Ross: Oh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.
Chandler: And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
Ross: You know, they don't like it when you keep asking them if they like you.
Chandler: Man, I am so lucky I have Monica.
Ross: I'm never gonna find love again.

Phoebe: Me, I'm more free, you know? I run like I did when I was a kid, because that's the only way it's fun, you know? I mean, didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were going to fall off? You know, like when you were running towards the swings or running away from Satan? The neighbor's dog.

Monica: Why is Ross naked?
Ross: I had to show Chandler something.
Monica: Naked?
Ross: I guess I have a, uh, guy problem.
Monica: Is it the same thing that Chandler had?
Chandler: Look, just come back later. We'll get everything squared away, and you can come back later.
Monica: Okay. Hey, listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine under the sink in the bathroom. Bye.
Chandler: Bye. Thank God.
Ross: Dude, what'd you have?

Janine: Hey, Joey, I've got some beer for you.
Joey: Don't you mean "for whom"?
Janine: Sure. Listen, I was gonna order some pizza. You wanna share one?
Joey: Pizza? It's not like I never had that before. [mimics drum fill]

Joey: Let's just get this out in the open, okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly, there's a vibe going on between us. But we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.
Janine: Joey-
Joey: No, no, no. I'm telling you, imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand.

Janine: You know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Joey: Oh. I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Janine: I don't think so.
Joey: Oh, I do. How you doin'?
Janine: I'm okay.
Joey: What?
Janine: What?
Joey: Oh, dear God.