Chandler: How can I not be upset? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out she wanted you first.
Joey: Yeah, for like a half an hour one night. Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life. We look at you and we see you together, and it just it fits, you know? And you just know it's gonna last forever.
Chandler: That's what you should say.
Joey: What?
Chandler: When you're marrying us, that's what you should say.
Joey: Really? I could do it?
Chandler: I'd love you to do it.
Chandler: But those are the words. Those exact words.
Joey: Well, I don't remember exactly but it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.

Chandler: Whoa, what's going on? We just made out. We're making out?
Monica: Not anymore.
Chandler: But we don't do that.
Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: That's the perfect amount.

Rachel: Ben, you know, when you were a baby we'd hang out all the time. Because I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore.
Rachel: No, I'm not.
Ben: Because you guys were on a break.
Rachel: Hey, we were not on a-

Joey: Anyway, I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. You want to hear it?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Listen, this is just the first draft, so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." Eh? "It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Should we call the spitter?

Ross: Rachel, what are you doing here?
Rachel: I'm just visiting my good friend Carol.
Ross: Your good friend?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: What's her last name?
Rachel: Carol ... Lesbian.
Ross: Nice.

Ross: By the way, that line down my face... The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say: "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"

Rachel: So now what have we agreed?
Ben: No more pranks.
Rachel: And what else?
Ben: You and Daddy were not on a break.
Rachel: Very good.

Ross: Hey, listen, could you do me a big favor? The dean's office called and said there's an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for, I don't know, like an hour?
Rachel: What about Monica?
Ross: She isn't home.
Rachel: So it would just be me alone?
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.

Monica: What about the second minister? I kind of liked him.
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Monica: Come on. He wasn't that bad.
Chandler: Easy for you to say, you'd be wearing a veil.

Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy. And when I say legitimate, I mean gay and in control of his saliva.