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‘The One with the Truth About London’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One with the Truth About London

716. The One with the Truth About London

Aired February 22, 2001

As Chandler and Monica struggle to find someone to officiate their wedding, the truth about their first night together in London comes out. Ross is angry when Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: How can I not be upset? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out she wanted you first.
Joey: Yeah, for like a half an hour one night. Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life. We look at you and we see you together, and it just it fits, you know? And you just know it's gonna last forever.
Chandler: That's what you should say.
Joey: What?
Chandler: When you're marrying us, that's what you should say.
Joey: Really? I could do it?
Chandler: I'd love you to do it.
Chandler: But those are the words. Those exact words.
Joey: Well, I don't remember exactly but it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.

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Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Whoa, what's going on? We just made out. We're making out?
Monica: Not anymore.
Chandler: But we don't do that.
Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun.
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: That's the perfect amount.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ben, you know, when you were a baby we'd hang out all the time. Because I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore.
Rachel: No, I'm not.
Ben: Because you guys were on a break.
Rachel: Hey, we were not on a-

Quote from Joey

Joey: Anyway, I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. You want to hear it?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Listen, this is just the first draft, so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." Eh? "It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: Should we call the spitter?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Rachel, what are you doing here?
Rachel: I'm just visiting my good friend Carol.
Ross: Your good friend?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: What's her last name?
Rachel: Carol ... Lesbian.
Ross: Nice.

Quote from Ross

Ross: By the way, that line down my face... The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say: "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: So now what have we agreed?
Ben: No more pranks.
Rachel: And what else?
Ben: You and Daddy were not on a break.
Rachel: Very good.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, listen, could you do me a big favor? The dean's office called and said there's an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for, I don't know, like an hour?
Rachel: What about Monica?
Ross: She isn't home.
Rachel: So it would just be me alone?
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: What about the second minister? I kind of liked him.
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Monica: Come on. He wasn't that bad.
Chandler: Easy for you to say, you'd be wearing a veil.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: No, it's a real thing. Anyone can be ordained on the Internet and perform weddings and stuff.
Joey: I call it!
Phoebe: What? No, it was my idea!
Chandler: Thank you very much, but neither of you is marrying us.
Joey: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy. And when I say legitimate, I mean gay and in control of his saliva.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: So no brothers or sisters, huh? You know what, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other.
Ben: Really? Like how?
Rachel: Well, you know, we would, um we'd repeat everything the other said, or we'd jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar with salt so they put salt on their cereal.
Ben: That's a good one.
Rachel: Yeah, you like that one?
Ben: Yeah, you're funny.
Rachel: I'm funny? Oh, thank God.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Well, hey, I got a ton of these. You take a quarter and you blacken the edge, right? And then you say, "I bet you can't roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face." And when they do it, they're left with a big, black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Ben: Can I do it to you?
Rachel: Yeah, I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Then let me do it.
Chandler: Joe-
Joey: No, I've been thinking. I'm an actor, so I won't get nervous in front of people. I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts. Everyone knows I'm an ass man.
Monica: That is true.
Joey: But the most important thing is, it won't be some stranger who barely knows you. It'll be me. And I swear, I'll do a really good job. Plus, I love you guys and it would really mean a lot to me.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, I gotta get started on my speech. Wait a minute. Internet ministers can have sex, right?
Chandler: Yeah.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: I have a bone to pick with you.
Rachel: Uh-oh.
Ross: Yes. Ben learned a little trick.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, did he pull the old?
Ross: That's right, that's right. Saran wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere.
Rachel: Oh, that.
Ross: Yeah, that. You know I hate practical jokes. They're mean and they're stupid and I don't want my son learning them.
Rachel: Come on. Saran wrap on the toilet seat? You don't think that's just a little funny?
Ross: I was barefoot.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Now, tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right?
Rachel: Yes.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani.
Monica: You did it? You got ordained?
Joey: Yeah. Just got off the Internet. Man, there's a lot of porn out there.
Chandler: Our minister.

Quote from Rachel

Carol: Hey, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi.
Carol: What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, you know, I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and thought to myself, "What's up with Carol and sweet little Ben?"
Carol: That's nice. Well, come on in.
Rachel: Okay.
Carol: I'll make some coffee and we can chat.
Rachel: I'd love that. I would love that. So where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little-
Ben: Argh!
Rachel: I found him. Very funny. Come here. That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you, okay?
Carol: Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Rachel: Yes- Do I want sugar in my coffee? [Ben shakes his head] No, just some milk would be good, Carol.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: "Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?"
Rachel: Don't do that.
Ben: "Don't do that."
Rachel: Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks.
Ben: "Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks."
Rachel: Oh, damn it.
Ben: "Oh, damn it!"
Rachel: No! Don't say that. Don't say that.
Ben: Damn it!
Rachel: Go back to repeating.
Ben: Damn it!
Rachel: Oh, crap.
Ben: "Oh, crap!"

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, guys, I got a little more written, ready?
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Joey: "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share I ca not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and-" And then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How about "receiving"?
Joey: Yes!

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