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39Quotes from ‘The One with the Jellyfish’

Friends: The One with the Jellyfish

401. The One with the Jellyfish

Aired September 25, 1997

When Ross chooses to get back together with Rachel, she wants him to accept responsibility for everything that went wrong in their relationship. Meanwhile, Chandler, Joey and Monica have a day they would rather forget at the beach.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: And hey, just so you know, it's not that common. It doesn't happen to every guy. And it is a big deal!
Chandler: I knew it!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: My mom never thought this would work out. She said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months. But if time was what you needed to gain a little perspective.
Ross: We were on a break!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Oh, damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Hey. What happened to you? Why didn't you come up?
Ross: Done.
Rachel: You just finished?
Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean, this is clearly very important to you. To us. So I wanted to read every word carefully. Twice.
Rachel: So, does it?
Ross: I'm sorry?
Rachel: Does it?
Ross: Does it? [pondering] Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole "Does it?" part just another glance.
Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross? You just said you read it twice. Look, you know what, it either does or doesn't. And if you have to even think-
Ross: No, Rach, I don't have to think about it. In fact I've decided. I have decided that it ... does.
Rachel: [after getting teary-eyed, Rachel hugs Ross] Are you sure?
Ross: Oh, sure, I'm sure!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: And it really does?
Ross: lt does. It really and truly does.
[later:]
Ross: It so does not!

Quote from Chandler

Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean, she even goes on for five pages about how I was unfaithful to her. We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm gonna break up with you.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Sure, it's hard to forget but you don't mean you have to talk about it. A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, ever talk about.
Ross: What happened on that beach?
Joey: It's between us and the sea, Ross.

Quote from Monica

Joey: Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Monica: All right! I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.
Chandler: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
Monica: I was in too much pain.
Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole.
Chandler: Then Joey remembered something-
Joey: I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
Ross: Wait a minute, I saw that. On the Discovery Channel. Yeah. About jellyfish and how if you- Ew! You peed on yourself?
Rachel and Phoebe: Ew!
Monica: You can't say that. You don't know.

Quote from Joey

Monica: I mean, I thought I would pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way. So ...
Ross, Rachel and Phoebe: Ew!
Joey: That's right. I stepped up. She's my friend and she needed help. If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Only I couldn't. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: [screaming] Joey kept screaming at me, "Do it now. Do it. Do it now!" Sometimes, late at night, I can still hear the screaming.
Joey: [chuckles] That's because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, so we went to the beach because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I don't know what happened with that. Oh, and then Monica joked she wouldn't go out with a guy like Chandler and he couldn't let go, and I don't really know what happened there either. Ooh, ooh. Then Ross's new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinces her to shave her head. Then Ross and Rachel kiss and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl. And I don't know what happened there either. You know what, hold on. Let me go get Chandler.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: So I guess you'd like to know how it all happened.
Phoebe: I mean, I think I can figure it out. I was born, and then everyone started lying their asses off.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: Remember how I said Lilly, Frank and I were close? Well, we were very close.
Phoebe: How close?
Phoebe Abbott: Well, the three of us were kind of a couple.
Phoebe: I don't know even how that would work.
Phoebe Abbott: Well, we would-
Phoebe: I'm not asking!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: You're here and I would really like to get to know you.
Phoebe: Well, everybody does. I'm a really cool person.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: I wrote you a letter.
Ross: Oh, thank you. I like mail.
Rachel: It's just some things I've been thinking about. You know, about us. Before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.
Ross: Okay. [Ross leans in to kiss Rachel, she pulls away] It's 5:30 in the morning ... so I better get cracking on this baby.
Rachel: I'll be waiting for you. Just come up when you're done.
Ross: Okay. I'll be up in 18 pages. Front and back.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, there's a nuclear holocaust. I'm the last man on earth. Would you go out with me?
Monica: Eh.
Chandler: I've got canned goods.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Jellyfish sting! Ow, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
Chandler: Well, can we help you, take you back to the house?
Monica: No, it's like two miles.
Joey: Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Well, we gotta do something.
Joey: There's only really one thing you can do.
Monica: What is it?
Joey: You're gonna have to pee on it.
Monica: What? Gross!
Joey: Don't blame me. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
Chandler: You know what, he's right. There's something like ammonia in that that kills the pain.
Monica: Well, forget it. It doesn't hurt that bad!
Joey: If you want some privacy, you can use my hole.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: How was the beach?
Chandler: Nothing.
Monica: I don't know.
Ross: What happened?
Monica: Nothing. I'm going to take a shower.
Chandler: Me too.
Joey: Me too.

Quote from Ross

Ross: This breakup was not all my fault. She says here "lf you accept full responsibility" - full responsibility - "I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do? Does it?"

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: Hey.
Phoebe: Okay, well, I know that we haven't talked in a long time. Okay, our mom is not our birth mom. This other lady is our birth mom.
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montauk.
Phoebe: You know her?
Ursula: No. I read about her in Mom's suicide note.
Phoebe: There was a suicide note? Do you still have it?
Ursula: Hang on.
Phoebe: I can't believe you didn't tell me there was a suicide note.
Ursula: Yeah, so how have you been doing?
Phoebe: I've been- Shut up! "Goodbye, Phoebe and Ursula. I'll miss you. P.S. Your mom lives in Montauk." You just wrote this!
Ursula: Well, it's pretty much the gist. Except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Phoebe: No.
Ursula: All right. Hang on.

Quote from Monica

Ross: Hey, guys, what do you say about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Chandler, Monica and Joey: No!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] And fuchsia and mauve, Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom.
Thank you. Thank you. Oh, and I invite all of you to count the colors in your bedroom. Except for you. You go away.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: It's not like we don't have anything in common. I mean, I like pizza.
Phoebe: I like pizza!
Phoebe Abbott: You do? Wait, I like the Beatles.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! So do l.
Phoebe Abbott: I knew it.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait. Puppies. Cute or ugly?
Phoebe Abbott: Aw, so cute!
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Abbott: You see?
Phoebe: But I'm still mad at you. I know.
Phoebe Abbott: I'm mad at me too.
Phoebe: Well, do you want to get something to eat? I'm kind of hungry.
Phoebe Abbott: Hey, me too.
Phoebe: Okay, stop it. Now you're just doing it to freak me out.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship.
Rachel: You and that girl, which yesterday you took full responsibility for.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I didn't know what I took responsibility for. I didn't finish the letter.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I fell asleep.
Rachel: You fell asleep?
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back! By the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means "you are." Y-O-U-R means "your."

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Oh, I can't believe I even thought of getting back with you! We are so over.
Ross: [fake sobbing] Fine by me!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: I just feel bad about all that sleep you'll miss wishing you were with me.
Ross: Oh, no. Don't worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!

Quote from Monica

Monica: I think you're great. I think you're sweet and smart and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: All right, that's it, you guys. What happened out there?
Monica: What? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.
Ross: Come on. What happened? Joey?
Joey: All right.
Monica: No, Joey, we swore we'd never tell.
Chandler: They'll never understand.
Joey: We have to say something. We have to get it out. It's eating me alive!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, what if you found out that your mom wasn't really your mom. And your new mom turned out to be really hot? [chuckles] Oh, man, huh?
Chandler: But it- It's your mom.
Joey: No, I'm talking about your mom.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I've got to go break up with Bonnie.
Rachel: Here? Now?
Ross: Well, I can't stay here all night. And if I go in there, she'll going to want to do stuff.
Rachel: Can't you tell her that you are not in the mood?
Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah, faking sleep doesn't work either. I can't tell you how many mornings I've woken up many times with her-Why am I telling you that?
Rachel: I don't know.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: Anyhow, somehow I got pregnant and I was scared. I was stupid and selfish. I was 18 years old. You remember what it was like to be 18?
Phoebe: Yeah. Let's see, my mom had killed herself and my dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Shoot. We're out of soda.
Chandler: I'll go out and get you some.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: No, because I'm not your boyfriend.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Well, my mom's friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth mom.
Chandler: I found a dried-up seahorse.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Was it awful?
Ross: Well, it was long. I didn't realize how late it was till I saw the five o'clock shadow on her head.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Pass the cheese, please. Oh my God, you can't even look at me, can you?
Joey: No.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, it's Phoebe. We can talk to Phoebe.
Phoebe: No, I'm too depressed to talk.
Chandler: I'll give you $1000 to talk to us.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh, and by the way, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday playing Scrabble with Monica.
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Sorry.


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