TV Quotes

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Joey: Hey, that must be why I got fired last week. Does this Orson Welles guy direct Burger King commercials?
Chandler: [silence] Yes.

Ross: We were at the back of the train. I sat near the door so she'd have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Chandler: Were you so late because you were burying this woman?

Ross: She seems great, but she's two and a half hours away.
Chandler: How can she be great if she's from Poughkeepsie? Okay, that joke would have killed in Albany.

Chandler: I really wanted to take Kathy to this.
Rachel: At least you have somebody to miss stuff with. I hate being alone this time of year. Next it's Valentine's Day, then my birthday, then bang. Before you know it, they're lighting that damn tree again. I want somebody. [Gunther stands behind Rachel] You know, I want a man. [Gunther walks away] It doesn't even have to be a big relationship, you know. Just like a fling.
Chandler: Really? I didn't think girls ever just wanted a fling.
Rachel: Let me tell you, it's been a long time since I've been flung.

Rachel: Okay. No accountants. And no one from, like, "legal." I don't like boring jobs.
Chandler: And Ross was like what? A lion tamer?

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Happy Hanukkah, Monica, May your Christmas be snowy, Joey, Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross, Spin the dreidel, Rachel.
Rachel: Pheebs, that's great.
Phoebe: Oh, yay.
Rachel: But you know, Rachel doesn't rhyme with dreidel.
Phoebe: I know, but it's so hard. Nothing rhymes with your stupid name.

Joey: What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel, mail, jail, bail, cable. Maypole.
Phoebe: All good. Thanks.

Phoebe: Do you, maybe, have a nickname that's easier to rhyme?
Monica: Didn't your dad used to call you "Pumpkin"?
Phoebe: Pumpkin, yeah? But did he ever call you, like, "Budolph"?

Chandler: One guy, Patrick, you'll like him. He's really nice. He's funny. And he's a swimmer.
Rachel: Ooh. I like swimmers' bodies.
Chandler: His father invented that magnetic strip on credit cards.
Rachel: Oh, I like credit cards.