Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Joey: Hey, that must be why I got fired last week. Does this Orson Welles guy direct Burger King commercials?
Chandler: [silence] Yes.

Ross: We were at the back of the train. I sat near the door so she'd have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Chandler: Were you so late because you were burying this woman?

Ross: She seems great, but she's two and a half hours away.
Chandler: How can she be great if she's from Poughkeepsie? Okay, that joke would have killed in Albany.

Chandler: I really wanted to take Kathy to this.
Rachel: At least you have somebody to miss stuff with. I hate being alone this time of year. Next it's Valentine's Day, then my birthday, then bang. Before you know it, they're lighting that damn tree again. I want somebody. [Gunther stands behind Rachel] You know, I want a man. [Gunther walks away] It doesn't even have to be a big relationship, you know. Just like a fling.
Chandler: Really? I didn't think girls ever just wanted a fling.
Rachel: Let me tell you, it's been a long time since I've been flung.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Happy Hanukkah, Monica, May your Christmas be snowy, Joey, Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross, Spin the dreidel, Rachel.
Rachel: Pheebs, that's great.
Phoebe: Oh, yay.
Rachel: But you know, Rachel doesn't rhyme with dreidel.
Phoebe: I know, but it's so hard. Nothing rhymes with your stupid name.

Chandler: One guy, Patrick, you'll like him. He's really nice. He's funny. And he's a swimmer.
Rachel: Ooh. I like swimmers' bodies.
Chandler: His father invented that magnetic strip on credit cards.
Rachel: Oh, I like credit cards.

Rachel: So what does he do?
Chandler: He works in the fine foods division.
Rachel: Your company has a fine foods division?
Chandler: It's a big company. I don't-
Joey: Now, wait a second. You make food and robots?
Phoebe: No. No, the robots just work for them.

Ross: This is someone else. I can't decide between the two of them. The one from Poughkeepsie, though a two-hour train ride away, is pretty, really smart and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well she lives right uptown. She's just as pretty. I guess she's smart. She is not fun.

Phoebe: If she's no fun, why date her at all?
Ross: Well, I want to give her another chance. She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, she said something that if she was kidding, was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn't kidding, she's not fun, she's stupid and kind of a racist.