Chandler: Okay, did any of you pick Rachel for your Secret Santa? Because I want to trade for her.
Phoebe: I picked her. Oh, thank God you want her.
Chandler: Wow. Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Phoebe: Because she exchanges every gift she gets. It's, like, impossible to get her something she likes. Come on, let's trade.
Chandler: Well, that's not true. That's not true. I got her that backpack and she loved it. I remember she cried when that big dog ran off with- There was no big dog. All right, this sucks. I already got her a briefcase with "R.G." put on it. Her initials.

Monica: Fine. Judge all you want to. But married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, lives in a box.

Joey: All right, look. If this is a big joke to you, forget about it. This means something to me.
If it doesn't mean anything to you, then get out of there. Otherwise, you're just an idiot in a box.
Chandler: You're right. I'm sorry. This means a lot to me. I want to be friends again. I swear I won't say another word.
Joey: So you'll take this seriously?
Chandler: Absolutely.
Joey: That sounds like another word to me. Are you going to take this seriously? [silence] Okay.

Rachel: Don't say that I have no sentiment. This is a movie stub from our first date. This eggshell is from the first time you made me breakfast in bed. This is from the museum, the first time we ... were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter.
Ross: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Though ... you're not supposed to take these. It's, like, a million years old. We actually have people looking for that.

Joey: Open the box.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: He can still catch her. Get out of there. Get out of there.
Chandler: So?
Joey: Yeah, we're going to be fine. Get out.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah. You did some real good thinking in there.
Chandler: I mean, this is... [Chandler and Joey hug]
Joey: You could still catch her. And merry Christmas from your Secret Santa.
All right, who got Chandler? Because I, uh, need to trade.

Phoebe: It's so cool. Until Monica gets back, it's like I'm head chef and I get to make all the decisions.
Ross: Hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly.
Phoebe: Okay, get out of my kitchen.

Joey: Hello.
Chandler: It's me. I know you can't stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought I'd try and apologize over the phone. [Joey hangs up]
[phone rings]
Joey: Hello.
Chandler: Look, I never should have kissed your girlfriend- [Joey hangs up]
[phone rings]
Joey: Stop calling!
Chandler: Hey, hey, hey. This is 92.3 WXRK, K-Rock calling with our $ 1,000 daily challenge!
Joey: All right!
Chandler: What is the name of your roommate who is very sorry and would do anything- [Joey hangs up]

Chandler: I spent eight hours calling him trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel: Eight hours, huh? So you could probably use one of those plug-in telephone headsets?
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that are stolen from your office?
Rachel: You shouldn't.

Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas. Since Monica and I are starting a new business and have no money, maybe this year we could do Secret Santa and each only buy one gift. And there's the added mystery of, you know, who gets who.
Ross: Who gets whom. I don't know why I do that.

Phoebe: lt looks bad.
Rachel: Honey, maybe we should take you to a doctor.
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard. I can't go to him when I don't have a boyfriend.
Chandler: He's really picky about his patients.