Joey Tribbiani: Food Quotes
Joey Tribbiani's best quotes about food.
Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!
Monica: Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay, it's a lot of work.
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving. I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like Fourth of July with no apple pie. Or Friday with no two pizzas.
Monica: Fine, if it means that much to you. But there's gonna be a ton left over.
Joey: No, there won't. I promise I will finish that turkey.
Monica: All right. You're telling me you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
Joey: That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani. This is what we do. I mean, we may not be great thinkers or world leaders. We don't read a lot or run very fast, but damn it, we can eat!
Phoebe: So Joey and my friend are out last night, they're having dinner, and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries.
Rachel: Oh, no!
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. No, Joey doesn't share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple grapes on his plate.
Phoebe: You wouldn't let her have a grape?
Rachel: No, not me. Emma.
Joey: Joey doesn't share food!
Rachel: Why don't you sit down? Dina has something she wants to tell you.
Joey: What's going on? Is it Mom? Is she sick? Is it Dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?
Dina: Joe, Mom and Dad are fine.
Joey: Is that a sandwich?!
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right. Now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs.
Joey: Remember when you were a kid, your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: You're so pretty.
Monica: Oh, God. What did I just step you?
Chandler: It's okay. It's just an egg roll.
Joey: You stepped on my egg roll?!
Monica: I'm sorry. I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
Joey: Just put it on a plate and leave.
Phoebe: That's why you won't go out with her again? So she took some fries. Big deal.
Joey: Hey, look, it's not about a few fries. It's about what the fries represent.
Joey: All food!
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry. I can't believe I set you up with such a monster.
Joey: Hey, look, I take a girl out she can order whatever she wants. The more the better, all right? Just don't order a garden salad and then eat my food! That's a good way to lose some fingers.
Waiter: It's been an hour. The maitre 'd has asked if you'd be willing to reconsider switching to a smaller table.
Joey: Maybe we should just eat now.
Waiter: You can't order until the entire party has arrived. Restaurant policy.
Joey: Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right, but there's still some food left on their plates. Okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eating that?
Waiter: It's frowned upon.
Joey: But it happens?
Joey: Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew. Here come the meat sweats.
Monica: Well, Joey, we're all very proud of you.
Chandler: Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the president any moment now.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Joey: No. Just nobody press on my stomach.
Rachel: You can keep those pants, by the way.
Joey: Ooh, what you got there? What is that, pie?
Monica: Yeah. You want some?
Joey: Yeah, just cut me a little sliver. Little bigger. Little bigger. What are you afraid you're going to run out? Cut me a real piece!
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you don't have to finish that.
Joey: Oh, yes, I do. Otherwise, what's next? Today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey, but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a Power Bar, wrap up the rest and puts it in the fridge? No. I just gotta change my pants. What was I thinking? Jeans have no give.
Quote from Joey in The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding (Part 1)
Rachel: Well, we gotta go.
Ross: Where are you guys going?
Monica: We gotta pick up the wedding dress and then we're going to have lunch with Mom.
Ross: Joey, you're having lunch with my Mom?
Joey: No, I just heard "lunch", but yeah, I can go.
Joey: What are you talking about? One woman. That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream. Let me tell you something. There's lots of flavors out there. There's rocky road and cookie dough and, bing, cherry vanilla. You can get 'em with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream. This is the best thing to happen to you! You got married. You were like, what, 8? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon!
Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good.
Carl: Hey, can I get a little piece of that cake?
Joey: Pizza. We like pizza. Get out!
Joey: Waiter? All right, this is gonna go fast, so try to keep up. Risotto with shaved truffles and the rib steak with the golden chanterelles and the Bordelaise sauce unless any of that stuff I just said means ''snails.''
Waiter: It does not.
Joey: What's in it?
Waiter: Goat cheese, watercress and pancetta.
Joey: That's not food!
Teacher: Your fettecine alfredo looks a little dry. Did you use all your cheese?
Joey: When you say "use," do you mean "eat as a pre-cooking snack"?
Teacher: And the cream?
Joey: Cheese makes me thirsty.
Teacher: Okay. Let's move on.
Joey: All right.
Rachel: Joey, listen, this is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and makeup going on in the bathroom. Okay, and I had to move a couple things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Joey: Oh, Man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was gonna be corsages.
Rachel: What about you, Joe? What would you give up, sex or food?
Joey: I don't know, it's too hard.
Rachel: No, you gotta pick one.
Joey: Food. No, sex. Food. Sex. Food. Sex- I don't know. Oh, God, I want both. I want I want girls on bread!
Phoebe: Well, I still think that is a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her, okay? And if you need to, then just get an extra plate of fries for the table.
Joey: I like that. A sharing buffer. Yeah. Yeah, I'll order some extra fries. Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some Buffalo wings. Maybe- Maybe an individual pizza, huh? And some mozzarella sticks. What were we talking about?
Phoebe: It's me. It's Phoebe. Listen, there's something in here I want to eat. What smells so good?
Joey: [showering] ls it the shampoo? It's guava.
Joey: Oh, wait, wait. Is it my bologna sandwich?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't believe it. The baby wants bologna. The baby wants meat.I can't eat meat.
Joey: Wait, wait. Maybe it's the pickle.
Phoebe: [on the phone] Oh, so you're not homesick yet?
Joey: No, I don't think so.
Phoebe: All right. Well, the seven of us miss you.
Joey: Who's seven?
Phoebe: Well, you know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies.
Joey: Aw, the babies miss me?
Phoebe: Ooh, pizza guy's here.
Joey: You ordered pizza without me?
Phoebe: Yeah, but you know, we were thinking about you. We ordered the Joey Special.
Joey: Two pizzas?
Amy: Uh. Sure you want to eat that?
Joey: I'm curvy and I like it!
Joey: But we're getting rid of her, right? Please tell me we're getting rid of her?
Rachel: Joey, I can't do that.
Joey: Oh, come on. Last night I was finishing off a pizza, and she said: "Ooh, ooh, ooh. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." I don't need that kind of talk in my house!
Ross: Somebody's getting a little fussy.
Joey: You're damn right I am. I've been waiting for a cookie for seven minutes.
Phoebe: Where is everyone? They're forty minutes late.
Joey: I know.
Phoebe: I'm starving. I knew we were coming here tonight, I ate nothing all day.
Joey: What about me? I only had one lunch today.
Joey: Look, Chandler, it was instinct. Okay. I just went for it.
Chandler: So you risked your life for a sandwich?
Joey: I know it sounds crazy but, Chandler, this is the greatest sandwich in the world.
Joey: You realize we've been throwing this ball without dropping it for, like, an hour.
Ross: Are you serious?
Joey: Yeah, I realized it a half-hour ago, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't wanna jinx it.
Ross: Wow. We are pretty good at this.
Ross: Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.
Joey: I think that's the first time I've ever missed a meal. Yeah, I think my pants are a little loose.
Joey: Morning, Pheebs. Well, my movie has been officially canceled.
Phoebe: Joey, I'm so sorry. You want some of my breakfast?
Joey: Nah, I'm too depressed to eat. I'll probably eat in, like, five minutes.
Monica: [on the phone] Hello? 8th Street Deli?
Joey: Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning just talking to that place.
Monica: Sorry, wrong number.
Chandler: Here you go, babe.
Monica: [phones again] Hello? It's the deli again!
Joey: All right, I'll have a sandwich.
Joey: This is impossible, Monica. Why don't you just pick all 15?
Monica: There were only 12.
Joey: Oh, yeah, I added 3.
Monica: What are "peanut-butter fingers"?
[Joey mimes sticking two fingers into a jar of peanut butter and licking it off]
Joey: Man, I'm starving. What the hell was I thinking at dinner? "Do you want soup or salad?" Both, always order both.
Chandler: What is going on?
Guy: We're waiting for the candy. Bring out the candy!
Joey: Yeah, lady, give us candy.
Ross: Remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Ross: Remember, you were eating pizza?
Joey: Anyway, it wasn't the robot. It was the guy who controls him. He doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich table right when I was reaching for one.
Phoebe: So why don't you just get him fired?
Joey: I may have to. I mean, I hate to do it. But I'm the star, you know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor.
Chandler: Well, you don't look good, Joe.
Joey: Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. And hey, what was in that brown jar?
Chandler: That's still in there?
Joey: Not anymore.
Hayley: What a great dinner.
Joey: Yeah. Thanks again for letting me have that last piece of cake at the restaurant.
Hayley: You're welcome again. I'm gonna go make some coffee. Can I get you anything?
Joey: Do you have any cake?
Joey: What's going on?
Ross: I made her tuna with pickle.
Joey: Pickle? Pickle makes her sick. Giving her pickle is like giving me salad.
Joey: Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily we still get cake, right?
Joey: I really am sorry about, you know, before. And I want to make sure you know I really do like you.
Sarah: Sure, just not as much as clams.
Joey: Well, stuffed clams-
Waiter: Chocolate torte for the lady. Cheesecake for the gentleman.
Joey: Excuse me, sir. There seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake.
Waiter: Yes, that's a raspberry coulis.
Joey: I'm so stupid ordering cheesecake, trying to be healthy.
Monica: Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.
Monica: Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.
Phoebe: Turkeys are intelligent, beautiful animals.
Joey: No, they're not. They're ugly and stupid and delicious.