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‘The One with the Giant Poking Device’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Giant Poking Device

308. The One with the Giant Poking Device

Aired November 14, 1996

When Rachel takes care of Ben for an afternoon, Monica accidentally injures him. Meanwhile, Phoebe is worried that somebody will die if she goes to the dentist, and Joey must deliver bad news about Chandler's relationship with Janice.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I got a science question. If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, "homo" sapiens, is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.

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Quote from Gunther

Ross: Thanks, Gunther. [Rachel kisses Ross] Can I get a napkin too?
Gunther: Oh, like you don't already have everything.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Phoebe, what? What?
Phoebe: First it was my Aunt Mary. And then there was John, my mailman. And then my cowboy friend, Albino Bob.
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Phoebe: Yes. While I was in the chair. That's why I take such good care of my teeth now. It's not about oral hygiene. I floss to save lives.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Phoebe, you're in pain. Would you just go to the dentist? Just go.
Phoebe: Fine. But if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist who, like, sucks me into the TV set.
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I'm going to the dentist. So listen, just be on the lookout for anything that you could fall into, or that can fall on you. Or ... all right, just look out.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: What about me?
Ross: You. You want to watch Ben? That would be great. I just asked Monica because I know how empty her life is.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Or we could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat. Yes, we need a hat. Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Rachel: Oh, I'll get Rainy Day Bear.
Monica: Because he'll know what to do? Oh, my God. You're a genius.
Rachel: Oh, God, it's kind of sewn on.
Monica: Give it. Give it. [Monica decapitates the bear]
Rachel: Oh, God, it's just like a bloodbath in here today.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: I'd like to get her something serious.
Joey: Oh. You want something serious. You know what you should do? You should get her one of those ... barium enemas. Those are dead serious.
Chandler: Look, I'm gonna go in here. And you don't buy me anything, ever.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh. You're alive! You're alive!
Rachel: See, Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didn't l?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Can I use your phone to call everyone I know?
Monica: Sure. We have no money. Go ahead.

Quote from Monica

Ben: Monica.
Monica: Oh, my God. He just said my name. Did you hear that?
Ben: Monica bang.
Rachel: Okay, I heard that.
Monica: Did he just say, "Monica bang"? Oh, my God. He's gonna rat me out.

Quote from Chandler

Janice: Why are your eyes so wide?
Chandler: You tell me. Maybe it's because I was just fooling around with my ex. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. That was you.

Quote from Phoebe

[Phone ringing. Phoebe runs into Chandler's apartment:]
Phoebe: Okay, if you're alive, you answer your phone!

Quote from Joey

Monica: Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you had ice cream before dinner if you won't tell him about our little bonking incident.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I don't think Ben understands the concept of bribery. And number two, l- What?
[Joey laughing]
Joey: You said "number two."
Rachel: I also said "number one."
Joey: I know.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Woohoo. The curse is broken. I called everybody I know and everyone is alive.
Joey: Huh.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Is she going back to him?
Chandler: She doesn't know. Says she loves us both. You know, when I woke up this morning, I was in love. I was happy! It serves me right for buying that 12-pack of condoms. And now I can't even return them, because she choked on the receipt.

Quote from Gunther

Gunther: Rachel has those in burgundy.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: He's alive! He's alive!
Monica: And yet we're still poking him.
Joey: Okay, retract the device! Retract the device!
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: Hey, now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey. You know how we save all those chopsticks for no reason when we get Chinese food?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Chandler: What?
Joey: We're fashioning a very long poking device.


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