TV Quotes

Joey: I got a science question. If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, "homo" sapiens, is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.

Ross: Thanks, Gunther. [Rachel kisses Ross] Can I get a napkin too?
Gunther: Oh, like you don't already have everything.

Gunther: Rachel has those in burgundy.

Rachel: Phoebe, what? What?
Phoebe: First it was my Aunt Mary. And then there was John, my mailman. And then my cowboy friend, Albino Bob.
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Phoebe: Yes. While I was in the chair. That's why I take such good care of my teeth now. It's not about oral hygiene. I floss to save lives.

Rachel: Phoebe, you're in pain. Would you just go to the dentist? Just go.
Phoebe: Fine. But if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist who, like, sucks me into the TV set.
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.

Phoebe: I'm going to the dentist. So listen, just be on the lookout for anything that you could fall into, or that can fall on you. Or ... all right, just look out.

Rachel: What about me?
Ross: You. You want to watch Ben? That would be great. I just asked Monica because I know how empty her life is.

Rachel: Or we could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat. Yes, we need a hat. Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Rachel: Oh, I'll get Rainy Day Bear.
Monica: Because he'll know what to do? Oh, my God. You're a genius.
Rachel: Oh, God, it's kind of sewn on.
Monica: Give it. Give it. [Monica decapitates the bear]
Rachel: Oh, God, it's just like a bloodbath in here today.

Chandler: I'd like to get her something serious.
Joey: Oh. You want something serious. You know what you should do? You should get her one of those ... barium enemas. Those are dead serious.
Chandler: Look, I'm gonna go in here. And you don't buy me anything, ever.

Phoebe: Oh. You're alive! You're alive!
Rachel: See, Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didn't l?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Can I use your phone to call everyone I know?
Monica: Sure. We have no money. Go ahead.

Ben: Monica.
Monica: Oh, my God. He just said my name. Did you hear that?
Ben: Monica bang.
Rachel: Okay, I heard that.
Monica: Did he just say, "Monica bang"? Oh, my God. He's gonna rat me out.

Janice: Why are your eyes so wide?
Chandler: You tell me. Maybe it's because I was just fooling around with my ex. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. That was you.

[Phone ringing. Phoebe runs into Chandler's apartment:]
Phoebe: Okay, if you're alive, you answer your phone!

Monica: Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you had ice cream before dinner if you won't tell him about our little bonking incident.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I don't think Ben understands the concept of bribery. And number two, l- What?
[Joey laughing]
Joey: You said "number two."
Rachel: I also said "number one."
Joey: I know.

Phoebe: Woohoo. The curse is broken. I called everybody I know and everyone is alive.
Joey: Huh.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.

Joey: Is she going back to him?
Chandler: She doesn't know. Says she loves us both. You know, when I woke up this morning, I was in love. I was happy! It serves me right for buying that 12-pack of condoms. And now I can't even return them, because she choked on the receipt.

Phoebe: He's alive! He's alive!
Monica: And yet we're still poking him.
Joey: Okay, retract the device! Retract the device!
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: Hey, now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!

Joey: Hey. You know how we save all those chopsticks for no reason when we get Chinese food?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Chandler: What?
Joey: We're fashioning a very long poking device.

Ross: So you need a dentist? I've got a good one.
Phoebe: Thanks. I have a good one, too. I just can't see him.
Chandler: See, that is the problem with invisible dentists.

Ross: Come on, Pheebs, you didn't kill anybody. These people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's just a coincidence.
Phoebe: Well, tell that to them. Oh, you can't! They're dead!