TV Quotes

Charles: Hello, all.
Chandler: Hi Dad.
Monica: Hi, Mr. Bing.
Charles: Nora.
Nora: Charles.
Monica: It's so great to see you both here.
Charles: Yes. Although we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Nora: Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Chandler: Oh, my God.

Rachel: Well, we gotta go.
Ross: Where are you guys going?
Monica: We gotta pick up the wedding dress and then we're going to have lunch with Mom.
Ross: Joey, you're having lunch with my Mom?
Joey: No, I just heard "lunch", but yeah, I can go.

Ross: No, it's not that. Now, what I'm going to say to you, I'm not saying as your friend. Okay, I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.
Chandler: But you're still my friend?
Ross: Not for the next few minutes.
Chandler: During this time, are you still my best man?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Ross: Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow, and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica's older brother, I have to tell you this: If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass.
[Chandler laughs]
Ross: What? I'm serious.
[Chandler laughs]
Ross: Hey, dude. Stop it. I'm not kidding here.
Chandler: Okay, I hear what you're saying and thanks for the warning.
Ross: No problem.
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay. You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me!

Ross: Wow, Monica. Just so you know, I had my older-brother talk with Chandler.
Monica: What is that?
Ross: Well, I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass.
[Monica, Phoebe and Rachel laugh]
Ross: What? What is the matter with everybody? I am serious. I would kick his ass!
Phoebe: [laughing] Ross, please, my makeup!

Ross: Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?
Jack Geller: Well, you guys talk about this place so much. We thought we'd see what the fuss is all about.
Judy Geller: I certainly see why the girls like coming here.
Ross: Why?
Judy Geller: The sexy blond behind the counter.
Ross: Gunther?
Jack Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.
Ross: What? Your list?
Judy Geller: Yes, the list of people we're allowed to sleep-
Ross: No, no. I know what the list is.

Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time we'll be here in the coffeehouse as six single people?
Phoebe: Why? What's happening to the coffeehouse? Oh. Okay.

Chandler: Yep. From now on, it's going to be the four of you guys and me and the missus. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Monica: Old?
Chandler: The young, hot ball and chain.
Monica: Much better.

Ross: Actually, I'm kind of glad they're leaving because I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: What's up?
Ross: Well, this may be a little awkward.
Chandler: Listen, if you need to borrow money, it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.

Rachel: What are you doing, Mon?
Monica: I'm making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. That way I can be prepared.
Phoebe: What are they?
Monica: Well, so far I have: My bridesmaids' dresses won't get picked up, My veil gets lost, or I'm missing my something blue.
Rachel: Hey, those are all the things I'm responsible for.
Monica: I had to go with the odds, Rach.

Joey: Hey, you guys. Remember that audition I had a while ago and I didn't get the part?
Rachel: The commercial?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: That play?
Joey: No.
Monica: That other play?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: The movie?
Joey: Yes.
Rachel: The one about the pilot and his dog who flies planes?
Joey: No. But man, that one hurt.