TV Quotes

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.

Ross: You're not serious. I mean, you really talk to it?
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Ross: Do you talk about me?
Susan: Yeah, yeah. All the time.
Ross: Really?
Susan: But, we just refer to you as "Bobo the Sperm Guy."

Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're having for Thanksgiving dinner? What is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler: I'm 9 years old.
Ross: Ugh, I hate this story!
Chandler: We've just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have - and I remember this vividly - a mouthful of pumpkin pie. And this is the moment my parents decide to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Chandler: Yes, yes. Very difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.

Monica: Does anybody wanna split this?
Joey: I will.
Phoebe: Okay, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. You got the bigger half! What did you wish for?
Joey: The bigger half.

Chandler: Do you know which one you're going to be?
Joey: No, but I hear Lyme disease is open, so you know [crosses his fingers].
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.

Monica: Rach, are you still gonna make it to Vail?
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only $102 to go.
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50?
Rachel: Yeah, well, it was, but I broke a cup.

Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
Phoebe: What? Saw what? No, we're just laughing. You know how laughter can be infectious.

Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler: Tonight on a very special Blossom.

Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tator tots.
Monica: That's not a question.
Joey: My mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce and a tot! I mean, it's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.

Rachel: Terry, I know I haven't worked here very long but would it be possible if I got a $100 advance on my salary?
Terry: An advance?
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. You see, every year we go skiing in Vail, and my father pays for my ticket. But I've sort of started this independence thing, which is actually why I took this "job".
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart! You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel: Okay, I hear what you're saying. I'm with you. But I'm trying really hard, and I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee?
[Hands go up all over the coffee shop]
Guy: Yeah, over here.
Rachel: Look at that.

Rachel: Excuse me, sir? Hi. You come in here all the time. Do you think there's a possibility that you could advance me my tips?

Phoebe: What were you modeling for?
Joey: You know those posters for the City Free Clinic.
Monica: Oh, wow. So you're gonna be one of those healthy, healthy, healthy guys?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy's really cute.

Monica: I tell you what, how about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
Monica: You know they're not actually supposed to- I'll work on the lumps.

Monica: Joey, you're going home?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: And, Chandler, I assume you're still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays?
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.

Monica: And Phoebe you're going to be with your grandmother.
Phoebe: Yeah, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December because he's lunar.

Ross: Well, l'm off to Carol's.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, why don't we invite her?
Ross: Ooh, ooh, because she's my ex-wife and will probably want to bring her ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.

Ross: Is Carol here?
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross: I just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...
Susan: Come in.
Ross: Thanks. Well, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan: What's it look like?
Ross: Kind of like a big face without skin.
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept.

Ross: Hey, Yertle the Turtle! A classic.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: The baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're crazy?

Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can hear everything.
Ross: Really?
Phoebe: I can show you. Okay, this'll seem a little weird. But you put your head inside this turkey and then we'll all talk and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler: I'd just like to say I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.

Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail. Forget seeing my family. Forget shoop, shoop, shoop.