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‘The One After Vegas’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One After Vegas

601. The One After Vegas

Aired September 23, 1999

The events of their drunken night in Vegas slowly come back to Ross and Rachel. Meanwhile, Phoebe and Joey drive back to New York in her cab, and Monica and Chandler consider taking a step forward in their relationship.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

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Quote from Rachel

Rachel: The bottom line, Ross, is we cannot stay married.
Ross: I don't know if that's true.
Rachel: Oh, but it is.
Ross: Okay. You know what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage-
Rachel: Oh, Ross, come on. This is not a marriage. This is the world's worst hangover!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will.
Ross: All right. All right, I'll do it.
Ross: Thank you.
Rachel: Hey. Hey, is there any such thing as an annulment shower?

Quote from Joey

Ross: Laugh it up, but the joke's on you because we don't need to get divorced. Okay, we're just gonna get an annulment.
Joey: An annulment? Ross, I don't think surgery is the answer here.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: What are you guys gonna do?
Rachel: Well, I guess we find a divorce lawyer.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross already has one. Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Hello, Mrs. Ross.
Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel.
Monica: Whoa!
Chandler: Oh, my God!
Joey: Come on, Pheebs, hurry. Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay.
Chandler: Oh, my God. ls everybody getting married?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married. Isn't that why you guys are here?
Chandler: Yes.
Monica: Why else would we be here?
Joey: Well, what happened? Did we miss it?
Chandler: We actually missed it.
Phoebe: Maybe you wouldn't have if you could run in the chapel!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: This is insane.
Phoebe: What's the big deal? You know, it's not like it's a real marriage.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas.
Monica: What are you talking about? If you get married in Vegas, you're married everywhere.
Phoebe: Really?
Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! Oh, well.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I'm not kidding. Look, I can't have three failed marriages. I can't, okay? I am not gonna be that guy.
Rachel: So what, we just stay married forever?
Ross: Okay, how- How is this going to affect you, really? I mean, you fill some form out once in a while, instead of checking the box that says "Miss," you check the box that says, "Mrs." It's right next to it.
Rachel: Okay. I'm sorry, you're right. You know what? We can stay married because I thought that the boxes were far away from each other.

Quote from Ross

Ross: You wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always.
Ross: I didn't get the annulment.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. See you later.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know, I was thinking what if l unpack here?
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Monica: Then you'd be going back and forth all the time. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.
Chandler: Okay. What if we live together, and you understand what I'm saying?

Quote from Phoebe

Attendant: No running in the chapel.
Phoebe: Hey, don't you give me any of your-

Quote from Ross

Ross: Why are we in bed together?
Rachel: I don't know. Do you have any clothes on?
Ross: Yes.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: No. But we didn't have ... sex, did we? I mean, I don't remember much about last night. It was such a blur.
Rachel: Oh, I remember laughing. I laughed a lot.
Ross: Then we didn't have sex.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Oh, I mean, we were really drunk. I'm just glad we didn't do anything stupid.
Ross: Tell me about it. [Ross has "Just Married" written on his back]

Quote from Joey

Joey: Morning, Pheebs. Well, my movie has been officially canceled.
Phoebe: Joey, I'm so sorry. You want some of my breakfast?
Joey: Nah, I'm too depressed to eat. I'll probably eat in, like, five minutes.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: So I guess I'll fly home with you guys. What time is your flight?
Phoebe: What about my cab?
Joey: Well, I don't need that anymore.
Phoebe: No, Joey, you borrowed my cab. You have to drive it back.
Joey: I don't wanna drive all the way back by myself. It gets so lonely. Oh, ooh, how about if you come with me?
Phoebe: I don't know. It's such a long trip.
Joey: It would be great. We could talk and play games. This could be our chance to, like, renew our friendship.
Phoebe: Are you asking me to have a "frienaissance"?
Joey: Sure?
Phoebe: All right, although I don't think we really need one, baby. I never stopped loving you.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What's up?
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Joey: My God. That's huge. Wait a minute. Why wasn't I invited? And who was gonna be your best man? Don't say Ross. Do not say Ross.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: How do I tell Chandler that it's too soon? It's gonna break his heart. He's gonna think I don't love him anymore.
Phoebe: Well, you don't.
Monica: Yes, I do.
Phoebe: Good. Good. I was just testing you.
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Oh, hi. Hi. You know, we were just talking about bacon.
Phoebe: No, we were talking about tennis. Tennis is more believable.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night or...?
Rachel: What do you mean "last night"? Nothing happened last night.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Ross invited us all to watch.
Monica: Rach, we weren't gonna miss our friends getting married.
Rachel: Oh! Who got married?
Chandler: You did.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Wait, hello. We didn't get married.
Rachel: No, we didn't get married. That's ridi-- [both gasp]
Ross: Wait, wait, wait. I remember being in a chapel. But they would not let us get married when we were that drunk.
Joey: They let you get married when you're drunk. Most people who get married in Vegas are drunk.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm drunk right now. What I can't have a mimosa with breakfast? I'm on vacation.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I can't believe I actually rolled an eight.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, let's get married. I guess.

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