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‘The One with the Ball’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Ball

521. The One with the Ball

Aired May 6, 1999

Phoebe freaks out when she learns that Gary is about to ask her to move in with him, so she dispatches commitment-phobic Chandler to try unsettle him. Meanwhile, Rachel buys an expensive cat that freaks everyone out, and Ross and Joey pass time by throwing a ball back and forth.

Quote from Gunther

Rachel: Oh, I sold Mrs. Whiskerson.
Ross: Thank God.
Joey: Did you get your money back?
Rachel: Yeah, $1500.
Monica: Wow. You made a profit?
Gunther: I just came for the red velvet pillow.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. There you go.
Gunther: Thanks, Rachel. And don't forget, you can come visit her anytime you want.
Rachel: Oh, good. Great. I'll keep that in mind.
Gunther: [to Ross] Hey, so what is this, some kind of snake or something?

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Quote from Ross

Joey: What the hell is that?
Rachel: It's a cat.
Joey: That is not a cat.
Rachel: Yes, it is.
Ross: Why's it inside out?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Gary's gonna ask you to move in with him.
Phoebe: What? Really?
Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer.
Phoebe: I can't believe this.
Chandler: Right? Because it's fast. Because it's so fast. It's fast.
Monica: Relax. It's Phoebe, not you.
Chandler: Oh. Good for you, Pheebs, way to go.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: I like him a lot, but I don't think I'm ready for this.
Chandler: So, what are you gonna do?
Phoebe: I don't know. I'll just handle it. I'll ask you to talk to him.
Chandler: Me? Why me?
Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment. You talk to him. Make him scared like you, make him a man.
Chandler: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it'd do. Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.
Monica: That is so sweet.
Chandler: [to Phoebe] Still terrified. I'll take care of it. No problem.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Ross, is Staten lsland really an island?
Ross: Uh-uh. That's why they call it Staten "lsland."
Joey: Oh, I thought it was like Long lsland.
Ross: Also an island.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You realize we've been throwing this ball without dropping it for, like, an hour.
Ross: Are you serious?
Joey: Yeah, I realized it a half-hour ago, but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't wanna jinx it.
Ross: Wow. We are pretty good at this.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.
Joey: I think that's the first time I've ever missed a meal. Yeah, I think my pants are a little loose.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Hey, you guys. Is Monica here?
Joey: No.
Rachel: All right, listen. I just bought something. I'm not sure she's going to like it. And it's going to
seem a little crazy, but this is something I've wanted this since I was a little girl.
Ross: You bought Shaun Cassidy?
Rachel: No. I wish.

Quote from Joey

Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Rachel: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I got a pretty good deal.
Ross: Yeah, how much?
Rachel: A thousand bucks.
Ross: On a cat?
Joey: It's not a cat.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: All right. Listen, ball boys. My grandma had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing. I mean, it was so cute. It would sit in my lap and just purr all day long. And I would drag a shoe string on the ground and it would chase it.
Ross: Free cats do that too, you know.
Joey: It's not a cat.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I don't care what you think. I'm gonna go set up a litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?

Quote from Ross

Joey: Uh-oh.
Ross: What?
Joey: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom.
[cut to Ross throwing a ball to Joey in his bathroom]
Joey: Man, I didn't think we were gonna make it.
Ross: I know. Don't switch hands, okay.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, I heard you're thinking about moving in with Phoebe, and I thought we should talk. You know, man to ... well, me.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know what, when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.
Gary: You know what I'm talking about, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I think I do. You know what? You move in with her. You move in with her right now. Maybe I should move in with Monica.
Gary: No, it's too soon for you guys.
Chandler: [chuckling] You're right about that.

Quote from Joey

Ross: When they found the remains of the Mesozoic mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic amphibian in its jaws. How did it get there?
Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. It was right here. Where is it?
Joey: I don't know.
Monica: All right, well come on, I'm late for work.
Ross: How do you know? You don't have a watch.

Quote from Monica

Monica: What?
Ross: Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball.
Joey: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in.
Ross: Two hours, 27 minutes.
Monica: Really?
[later:]
Monica: [on the phone, snuffly voice] I'm not going to be able to make it into work today. I don't feel very good. Yes! Wow, uh, for a second there, I thought I was feeling better, but I'm not.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hey, Rach. Check it out. Almost three hours without dropping it.
Rachel: Wow. Congratulations. That's quite a waste of time.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Rachel, you have scratches all over you.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's my cat.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Oh, I got a cat.
Monica: But I don't want a cat.
Joey: Don't worry, it's not a cat.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Did you talk to Gary about moving in?
Chandler: Yes, and I think you should do it.
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: He's a great guy and he loves you a lot. You are a very lucky lady.
Phoebe: You are useless. Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do. The one thing and you can't even do that right!
Chandler: Sorry. If he asked me, I'd move in with him.
Phoebe: Oh! Get out of here, good-for-nothing.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?
Joey: That's right, baby.
Chandler: All right, let me in.
Monica: No, no, no. Don't do it!
Chandler: What?
Monica: He's a dropper.
Joey: Oh, yeah. That's right.
Chandler: I'm not a dropper.
Ross: It's really a three-person game, you know?
Chandler: It's throwing and catching.
Ross: All right. [Ross throws Chandler the ball]
Chandler: Oh, oh, it's so hard. [Chandler almost drops the ball]

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Rach, why won't they take it?
Rachel: Well, they said they would, but they'd only give me store credit. What am I gonna do? Get 1000 regular cats?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: [sneezes] Oh, my God. The cat's made my eyes water. Don't throw it to me. My vision's been compromised. Oh, God. Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Chandler: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: So you're moving in with him? What happened?
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually, anyway. And, plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Monica: Why, do you write him a lot?
Phoebe: No. I just heard when people live together they split the cost of stamps, don't they?
Ross: Yeah, yeah.

Quote from Phoebe

Gary: So you- You checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You checked the Post?
Phoebe: Yeah, there was nothing. Can I get some water?
Gary: In a minute. You checked today's Post?
Phoebe: Yeah, today's.
Gary: Hmm. Because, uh, this is today's Post. And these are the listings I found. Brooklyn Heights, two bedrooms. Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights.
Phoebe: Oh, are these for rent? I thought people were just bragging.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, wait, one sec. Hey, you. Behind the glass. Who are you looking at? I always wanted to say that every time I was in these rooms ... which was never.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Rachel, what is your cat doing in one of my bowls?
Rachel: It's not. I'm defrosting a chicken.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Here, Pheebs. [Joey throws her the ball]
Phoebe: Eh, I don't feel like playing. [Phoebe puts the ball down.]
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend it didn't happen. No one needs to know. Phoebe is not an official ball player. I mean, only official ball players can drop the ball.
Joey: Come on.
Ross: Let's go.
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, you wanna get breakfast?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, let's race. First one there wins. [Monica runs out of the apartment]
Chandler: You guys wanna eat here?

Quote from Ross

Monica: Oh, my- Oh, good God!
Rachel: I give up you guys. I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing.
Ross: Baking it didn't help, huh?


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