Jack Geller Quotes Page 1 of 6

Quote from The One Where Ross Got High

Judy Geller: Chandler, you've been Ross' best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems, and now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
Chandler: Thank you.
Jack Geller: No. Thank you!

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Quote from The One with the Cake

Judy Geller: Well, we'd better get going. It's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night any more. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

Quote from The One After Ross Says Rachel

Jack Geller: Boy, a bad time to say the wrong name, huh, Ross?
Ross: That's true. Thanks, Dad.

Quote from The One with All the Thanksgivings

Judy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room in the fridge.
Monica: No. No, thank you.
Jack Geller: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.

Quote from The One Where No One Proposes

Chandler: Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want.
Jack Geller: Well, I don't think that. Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.

Quote from The One with Ross's Wedding (Part 2)

Jack Geller: There's no way in hell I'm paying for it.
Ross: Look, we're down to just one point. Could we please maybe just settle it after the wedding?
Jack Geller: All right. Fine, but I just want to say I'm not paying for your wine cellar you thieving, would-be-speaking-German-if-it-weren't-for-us, cheap little man!

Quote from The One with Ross's Wedding (Part 2)

Judy Geller: There's nothing to discuss. We're not paying for your wine cellar.
Steven Waltham: You have to meet me in the middle here.
Jack Geller: Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foot's gonna meet the middle of your ass.

Quote from The One with the Sonogram at the End

Judy Geller: What that Rachel did to her life. We ran into her parents at the club. They were not playing well.
Jack Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding, but $40,000 is a lot of money.

Quote from The One Where Nana Dies Twice

Jack Geller: I was just thinking when my time comes-
Monica: Dad.
Jack Geller: Listen to me. When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica: You what?
Jack Geller: I wanna be buried at sea. It looks like fun.
Monica: Define "fun."
Jack Geller: Come on. You'll make a day of it. You'll get a boat, pack a lunch.
Monica: And then we throw your body in the water. Gee, that does sound fun.
Jack Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says "Jack Geller, so predictable." Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say, "Buried at sea? Huh."
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Jack Geller: I'd like that.

Quote from The One with Two Parts: Part 2

Jack Geller: I tell you, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried-tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody'd said to me, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune," I'd have said, "Get out of my office."

Quote from The One with Two Parts: Part 2

Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Jack Geller: I'm not freaking out. I'm just saying if someone had come to me with the idea- Dad, Dad, Dad.
Ross: I'm talking about the whole, uh, baby thing. Did you, uh, ever get this sort of panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Jack Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, Dad, I was just wondering.
Jack Geller: Because there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that colonial Williamsburg. How about we do that?

Quote from The One with the Prom Video

Monica: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question. Why not Ross's room?
Jack Geller: Gosh. We talked about that but your brother had so many science trophies, and plaques, and merit badges. Well, we didn't want to disturb them.
Monica: God forbid.

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