Judy Geller: Chandler, you've been Ross' best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems, and now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
Chandler: Thank you.
Jack Geller: No. Thank you!

Jack Geller: Boy, a bad time to say the wrong name, huh, Ross?
Ross: That's true. Thanks, Dad.

Judy Geller: Well, we'd better get going. It's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night any more. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter, I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

Judy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room in the fridge.
Monica: No. No, thank you.
Jack Geller: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.

Chandler: Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want.
Jack Geller: Well, I don't think that. Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.

Jack Geller: I was just thinking when my time comes-
Monica: Dad.
Jack Geller: Listen to me. When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica: You what?
Jack Geller: I wanna be buried at sea. It looks like fun.
Monica: Define "fun."
Jack Geller: Come on. You'll make a day of it. You'll get a boat, pack a lunch.
Monica: And then we throw your body in the water. Gee, that does sound fun.
Jack Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says "Jack Geller, so predictable." Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say, "Buried at sea? Huh."
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Jack Geller: I'd like that.

Judy Geller: What that Rachel did to her life. We ran into her parents at the club. They were not playing well.
Jack Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding, but $40,000 is a lot of money.

Jack Geller: I tell you, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried-tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody'd said to me, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune," I'd have said, "Get out of my office."

Jack Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross. Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'll probably never be able to make it up to you, but here's a start.
Monica: What's this?
Jack Geller: It's the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Monica: What?
Ross: What?!
Jack Geller: I've been thinking of getting rid of it. And I was driving it the other day and I saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.

Monica: Just try not to move your feet at all.
Chandler: Oh.
Monica: There you go.
Jack Geller: Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested.
Chandler: Why?
Jack Geller: You stole my moves!