Jack Geller Quotes Page 1 of 8

Quote from The One Where Ross Got High

Judy Geller: Chandler, you've been Ross' best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems, and now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
Chandler: Thank you.
Jack Geller: No. Thank you!


Quote from The One After Ross Says Rachel

Jack Geller: Boy, a bad time to say the wrong name, huh, Ross?
Ross: That's true. Thanks, Dad.

Quote from The One with All the Thanksgivings

Judy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room in the fridge.
Monica: No. No, thank you.
Jack Geller: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.

Quote from The One with the Cake

Judy Geller: Well, we'd better get going. It's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night any more. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

Quote from The One Where No One Proposes

Chandler: Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want.
Jack Geller: Well, I don't think that. Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.

Quote from The One with Ross's Wedding (Part 2)

Jack Geller: There's no way in hell I'm paying for it.
Ross: Look, we're down to just one point. Could we please maybe just settle it after the wedding?
Jack Geller: All right. Fine, but I just want to say I'm not paying for your wine cellar you thieving, would-be-speaking-German-if-it-weren't-for-us, cheap little man!

Quote from The One Where Nana Dies Twice

Jack Geller: I was just thinking when my time comes-
Monica: Dad.
Jack Geller: Listen to me. When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica: You what?
Jack Geller: I wanna be buried at sea. It looks like fun.
Monica: Define "fun."
Jack Geller: Come on. You'll make a day of it. You'll get a boat, pack a lunch.
Monica: And then we throw your body in the water. Gee, that does sound fun.
Jack Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says "Jack Geller, so predictable." Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say, "Buried at sea? Huh."
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Jack Geller: I'd like that.

Quote from The One with the Sonogram at the End

Judy Geller: What that Rachel did to her life. We ran into her parents at the club. They were not playing well.
Jack Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding, but $40,000 is a lot of money.

Quote from The One with Two Parts: Part 2

Jack Geller: I tell you, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried-tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody'd said to me, "Here's a tomato that looks like a prune," I'd have said, "Get out of my office."

Quote from The One with Two Parts: Part 2

Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Jack Geller: I'm not freaking out. I'm just saying if someone had come to me with the idea- Dad, Dad, Dad.
Ross: I'm talking about the whole, uh, baby thing. Did you, uh, ever get this sort of panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Jack Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, Dad, I was just wondering.
Jack Geller: Because there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that colonial Williamsburg. How about we do that?

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