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‘The One with the Fake Party’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Fake Party

416. The One with the Fake Party

Aired March 19, 1998

Ross tries to cram in as much time with Emily before she leaves for London. Rachel, hoping to spend more time with Joshua, arranges an impromptu going away ostensibly for Emily. Meanwhile, Joey helps Phoebe out when the pregnancy causes her to crave meat.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I know how you can get him. Take off your bra.
Rachel: What?
Joey: Yeah, there was this scene in Footloose-
Chandler: Flashdance.
Joey: Yeah. With that plumber girl?
Chandler: She was a welder.
Joey: Were you, like, in the movie?

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Quote from Phoebe

Monica: What is it, hun?
Phoebe: I can't find anything that I wanna eat. Everything makes me nauseous. I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake. Ooh, cake. No.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: What is that smell? It's coming from the bathroom.
Chandler: Wow, pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: It's me. It's Phoebe. Listen, there's something in here I want to eat. What smells so good?
Joey: [showering] ls it the shampoo? It's guava.
Phoebe: No.
Joey: Oh, wait, wait. Is it my bologna sandwich?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't believe it. The baby wants bologna. The baby wants meat.I can't eat meat.
Joey: Wait, wait. Maybe it's the pickle.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: What have you guys been up to?
Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs at the Cooper-Hewitt museum.
Chandler: Without me?

Quote from Ross

Emily: My uncle dragged us there, but actually it turned out to be really interesting.
Ross: Yeah.
Emily: They were so ornate and beautiful. I mean, look at that.
Monica: I don't know how museums work in England, but here, you're not supposed to take stuff.
Emily: I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. It's a joke.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: We have to have a party in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Joey: Yeah, what's going on?
Rachel: We have to have a surprise bon-voyage party for Emily. But it's actually for Joshua.
Look, he said he's not ready to date. So I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work. And now I have created the perfect opportunity to seduce him.
Ross: Well, as much as I'd like to meet Josh and warn him ... Emily and I aren't going to be here.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Why are you all the way over here if Joshua's over there?
Rachel: I'm trying to play hard-to-get. Quick, he's looking. Say something funny.
Chandler: Like what? [Rachel laughs]
Joey: What's so funny?
Chandler: I said, "Like what?"
Joey: Now that's a thinker.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Then what are you going to put on top of that?
Joey: A little salami.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What goes on top of the salami?
Joey: Pastrami.
Phoebe: You're a genius.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Anyway, she takes off her bra under the shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy. And classy.
Monica: Or, if you want to kiss him, you could use mistletoe.
Rachel: It's not Christmas.
Monica: Or spin-the-bottle.
Rachel: And he's not 11.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: You feel better now?
Phoebe: Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day. I am going to eat, like, you know, millions of cows.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What if I even things out for you, meat-wise?
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Well, I eat a lot of meat, right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Joey: But suppose, until the baby's born, I laid off it. No extra animals would die. You'd just be eating my animals.
Phoebe: Joey, I can't believe you'd do that for me. Absolutely. I could be a vegetarian. There's no meat in beer, right?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Can you not look at me when I say this? I thought that if I could get you here I could seduce you.
Joshua: I don't wear suits to work. And I bought six of them from you.
Rachel: Well, I'm sorry. I thought you needed them.
Joshua: No, no. My point is, I kept coming back because I wanted to see you.
Rachel: Why?
Joshua: Because I like you.
Rachel: You like me?
Joshua: Yeah. I mean, you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated. A lot of this isn't based on tonight.

Quote from Rachel

Joshua: But-
Rachel: No "but." "But" is never good. Let's leave it at "l like you and you like me." Okay.
Joshua: However-
Rachel: No, that's a fancy "but."

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You seem to really like her.
Ross: Yeah, I really do. But what am I going to do? I mean, we both agreed it was going to be a two-week thing. No commitment.
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums. I mean, you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.
Ross: You think?
Rachel: You've got, like, 14 hours until she has to be at the airport. And you're sitting here in a hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.

Quote from Ross

Ross: What photo album was it?
Rachel: I don't know. It was you and a bunch of albino kids.
Ross: Oh, my God. Those weren't albino kids. That was computer camp. Rach!

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: What do you got there?
Phoebe: Pastrami.
Joey: Ooh, yeah. Hey, you know what goes good with that?
Phoebe: Hmm? Corned beef.
Joey: I was going to say bologna, but that's much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?
Phoebe: Okay.
Joey: Oh, mama. When is the baby due?
Phoebe: Six months.
Joey: Oh. Now, if a cow should die of natural causes, I could have one of those, right?
Phoebe: Not if I get there first.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: [in a British accent] Anyone for more tea? No, just me then.
Monica: Hey, Ringo, every time Emily's around, you talk like her. Would you please cut it out?
Chandler: [chuckles] I think you like it. I think you can't resist me when I do it. You want to eat me up like a cream [British accent] "pumpet."
Monica: What?
Chandler: All right, look, I don't know all the words.


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