The One with All the Thanksgiving Quotes
Enjoy the best quotes from the Thanksgiving episodes of Friends.
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A "moo" point?
Joey: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's "moo."
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
Amy: Listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything because you know, you'd be dead. But I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.
Amy: Emma, Ross wants you.
Amy: Why does she keep making that noise?
Chandler: So Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables. Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Ross: Wow, how many you got?
Judy Geller: That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds. All right. Joey, if you want to leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.
Jack Geller: And we kind of figured about the porch swing.
Judy Geller: Ross. Drugs? Divorced again?
Monica: Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay, it's a lot of work.
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving. I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like Fourth of July with no apple pie. Or Friday with no two pizzas.
Monica: Fine, if it means that much to you. But there's gonna be a ton left over.
Joey: No, there won't. I promise I will finish that turkey.
Monica: All right. You're telling me you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
Joey: That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani. This is what we do. I mean, we may not be great thinkers or world leaders. We don't read a lot or run very fast, but damn it, we can eat!
Judy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room in the fridge.
Monica: No. No, thank you.
Jack Geller: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.
Rachel: Will, I just want to say, I'm real sorry for whatever I did to you in high school.
Will: Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club.
Rachel: You had a club?
Will: That's right. The "I Hate Rachel Green Club".
Rachel: Oh, my God. So you all just joined together to hate me? Who else was in this club?
Will: Me and Ross.
Ross: No need to point. She knows who Ross is.
Rachel: God, she is unbelievable.
Ross: I know. I mean, a Ph.D. is just as good as an MD.
Rachel: Oh, sure, Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack at a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.
Joey: That's it? Even if nobody helps me, I can eat that, no problem. At least give me a challenge.
Monica: This is Chandler's chicken. This is the turkey.
Joey: Oh. How big is that?
Monica: About 19 pounds.
Joey: It's like me when I was born.
Phoebe: I've got one that's worse.
Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"
Phoebe: Did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
[Phoebe in a field hospital, Thanksgiving 1862]
Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here. This man is- [an explosion blows off Phoebe's arm] Oh, no.
Ross: In this life, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh, this life? Oh, okay. No, Chandler's is worse.
Chandler: So, let me just get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies. Then Emma, the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Phoebe: There's your movie.
Judy Geller: Monica, come down. Everyone's here. Ross, Rachel and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
Ross: Beef in a dessert? There is- No, no, no. There is no way.
Joey: I know. And only one layer of jam? What is up with that?
Ross: Oh, my God. The pages are stuck together.
Joey: All right, where's that turkey?
Phoebe: Joey, those are my maternity pants.
Joey: No, no. These are my Thanksgiving pants!
Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good.
Ross: Dude, well done. If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Well, thanks.
Ross: So... So now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
Ross: Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving.
Chandler: No, no, no.
Ross: What? Are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Chandler: No, we are playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Ross: What? That's like insanely easy.
Chandler: No, it's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one. Or in some cases, fourteen.
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing with people, so technically, I didn't lose.
Ross: You forgot 14 states?
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas!
Monica: Does anybody wanna split this?
Joey: I will.
Phoebe: Okay, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. You got the bigger half! What did you wish for?
Joey: The bigger half.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're having for Thanksgiving dinner? What is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler: I'm 9 years old.
Ross: Ugh, I hate this story!
Chandler: We've just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have - and I remember this vividly - a mouthful of pumpkin pie. And this is the moment my parents decide to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Chandler: Yes, yes. Very difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Monica: I can't believe they called. I mean, we're actually getting a baby.
Joey: I know how you feel.
Joey: Sure. I went through the exact same thing with Alicia May Emory. The waiting, the wondering. Then one day, I get that call from Toys"R"Us. She was in stock.
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
Monica: Put the plates back in the boxes! Put the plates back in the boxes!
Monica: We need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Chandler: Well, it's just with work and the stress of adoption we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Ross: That doesn't sound like you. That's Monica talking.
Chandler: No, no. We made this decision together.
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth.
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths. You put turkey in people's mouths.
Joey: Look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
Ross: What? What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not Truth Day.
Monica: So guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Sidney Poitier? [laughs]
Monica: I miss Rachel.
Nora Bing: Now, Chandler, dear just because we're getting a divorce doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the houseboy than with me.
Housebody: More turkey, Mr. Chandler?
Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
Ross: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.
Phoebe: Wow, see, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles.
Rachel: No, Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this. [puts a marshmallow up Monica's nose]
Monica: [blows it out] Every year.
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tator tots.
Monica: That's not a question.
Joey: My mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce and a tot! I mean, it's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler: Tonight on a very special Blossom.
Chandler: Ugh, turkey. Ugh, giving thanks.
Phoebe: Look, everyone. It's the spirit of Thanksgiving.