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‘The One Where Rachel Is Late’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Rachel Is Late

822. The One Where Rachel Is Late

Aired May 9, 2002

As Rachel grows increasingly frustrated that she's late, she's willing to try anything to induce labor. Meanwhile, Joey invites Chandler to his film premiere, and Phoebe and Monica bet on when Rachel's baby will be born.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: She's over a week late. She's got to have it today, right?
Phoebe: I don't know. I think it's still gonna be a while.
Monica: Care to make it interesting? I bet you that she'll have it by this time tomorrow.
Phoebe: You're on.
Monica: Okay, how much?
Phoebe: One hundred thousand dollars.
Monica: How about 50 bucks?
Phoebe: Fine. I'll call Zurich and move some money around.

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Quote from Ross

Dr. Long: You're about 80% effaced, so you're on your way. But it still could last a while. If you're anxious, there are ways to help things along.
Ross: Do them.
Dr. Long: Actually, they're things that you can do. Just some home remedies. But in my experience, I've found that some are very effective.
Rachel: Well, we are ready to try anything.
Dr. Long: Okay. There's an herbal tea you can drink. You can take some castor oil. There's eating spicy foods.
Rachel: Great. We will do all of those.
Dr. Long: Taking a long walk.
Rachel: Good. Done.
Dr. Long: And there's the one that's proved most effective: Sex.
Ross: You've got to be kidding me!

Quote from Joey

Joey: All right, what else?
Chandler: Well, there's acting classes, stage-combat classes, tap classes-
Joey: Which we're still keeping under our hats.
Chandler: Then there was that dialect coach who helped you with a play where you needed a Southern accent. Which, after 20 hours of lessons, still came out Jamaican.
Joey: What the hell are you talking about? [in a Jamaican accent] The South will rise again, man.
Chandler: Yes, money well-spent.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did you like that part?
Chandler: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
Joey: You fell asleep! There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: I cannot wait to see this.
Joey: Yeah, it's already generating Oscar buzz.
Phoebe: I started that.
Joey: I thought I did.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: That's right. Still no baby. Come on, people, make some room.
Ross: Sweetie, maybe you'd be more comfortable here.
Rachel: You. Like you haven't done enough.
Ross: I know how miserable you are. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I were a sea horse. Because with sea horses, it's the male. They carry the babies. And then also, I'd be far away in the sea.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Hey, did you have the baby yet?
Rachel: Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? Because I'll do it.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: What are you doing home so early?
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were all, "Start your maternity leave now. Just rest. Get ready for the baby." Well, you know what? Screw them. If they don't want me there, I'll just hang out with you guys.
Phoebe: Or you could do volunteer work.

Quote from Estelle

Joey: Hello?
Estelle: Joey, it's Estelle. Great news. I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere.
Joey: One guest? You told me I could have six tickets.
Estelle: Well, I sold four or them on eBay. You'll be sitting next to HotGuy372.
Joey: Oh, my God. So that's it? I only get to bring one guest?
Estelle: Yeah. What time do you want to pick me up? Hello?

Quote from Monica

Monica: Well, you know Ross didn't care enough to be here, so I think he's out. You snooze, you lose.
Chandler: He's not snoozing. He's teaching a class.
Monica: Well, then somebody's snoozing.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, I'll blow in her mouth and the kid'll just [popping sound] right out of her.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: All right, whose turn is it to help me get up?
Phoebe: No one's here. Oh, damn it!

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Do you want to go change first? The doctor's staying open late for us, but if you hurry-
Rachel: No, I'm fine.
Ross: Really? You don't think that's a little inappropriate?
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Good God, man. Don't anger it.
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am-
Ross: Fine. Fine. Whatever you want. Okay. You're the mommy.
Rachel: No. Nuh-uh-uh, pal. Don't call me "Mommy." It's bad enough that you call your own mother that.
Monica: I'm actually with her on this one.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Hi, Dr. Long. How are you?
Ross: You're nice to her.
Rachel: She has the drugs.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Don't go. I'm so sorry. Look, this guy fell asleep. He fell asleep too. Be mad at him. Or call an ambulance.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Any news on when the baby will come?
Rachel: No, but she did give us some ideas on how to induce labor.
Ross: Yeah, we tried them all. We went for a walk, we tried special tea, castor oil, spicy food. Nothing worked.
Rachel: Well, there is one thing we didn't try. But someone thinks that that will open up a can of worms.
Monica: Well, what is it? What is it? If it's gonna help bring the baby here, like today, I think you should do it.
Ross: It's sex.
Monica: Do it!
Ross: Monica.
Monica: I'm just saying. It's been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it. Get yours.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know about that. No, I think if the two of you had sex, the repercussions would be catastrophic.

Quote from Monica

Monica: All right, let's be practical. If Ross isn't willing to do it, he's not the only guy you can have sex with. You could borrow Chandler. Chandler is good.
Ross: Monica, what is the matter with you?

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I just want the baby to be born today.
Rachel: Why? Why today?
Monica: Okay, fine. I keep betting Phoebe that you're gonna have the baby, and I don't want to lose again.
Ross: What? While she's been going through this hell, you've been making money? You're betting on your friend staying in this misery?
Rachel: I'll take that bet.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I'm miserable here. I may as well make some money out of it.
Ross: Can I get some of that action?
Monica: Wait a minute. Now I'm betting against all three of you?
Rachel: Honey. Don't worry about it. I really do feel like tomorrow it's gonna happen.
Monica: Oh, okay.
Rachel: [mouths] No way.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, what else? Rent.
Chandler: Okay. Two, three years of rent, utilities, food-
Joey: Okay. Okay, so I'm writing you a check for... So you fell asleep during my movie. Big deal, right? How do you clear this thing?

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Oh. What now, Ross, you're not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh, wait a minute, I know. [breathing heavily] I mean, you'd think the damn jalapeno would have cleared up your sinuses, but no. That's not enough- What are you doing?
Ross: I'm getting that baby out of you!
Rachel: Oh, God.
Ross: I know.
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. I think my water just broke.
Ross: I am good!

Quote from Monica

Monica: 200.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Monica: That's it. I'm done. I don't care when the baby comes. No more betting.
Phoebe: Okay.
Monica: [phone rings] Hello? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. [to Phoebe] I guess we could bet one more time.
Phoebe: Is Rachel having the baby?
Monica: How did you know that. Joey. Chandler. It's time.
Phoebe: They're at the coffee house.
Monica: You know everything. Oh, wait. Double or nothing, I bet you the baby is over 7 pounds.
I bet you it has hair. I bet you it's a girl.
Phoebe: We know it's a girl.
Monica: I'll give you really good odds.


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