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‘The One with Rachel's Crush’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Rachel's Crush

413. The One with Rachel's Crush

Aired January 29, 1998

Rachel is attracted to a new customer at work and struggles to ask him out on a date. Meanwhile, Chandler becomes concerned that Kathy is cheating on him, and Monica works hard to make their new apartment a better place for the group to hang out.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Why'd you make a big thing out of everyone hanging out in the big apartment?
Monica: 'Cause they took our apartment. I wanted to punish them. I'm done now. They've suffered enough.
Phoebe: If you wanted to punish them, you should have just made them hang out here.

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Quote from Joey

Rachel: I don't even know how I would go about it.
Joey: Well, what I do is, I look a woman up and down, and I say "Hey. How you doin'?"

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, please.
Joey: Hey. How you doin'?
[Phoebe giggles]

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault. Just because you guys had a fight does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross: Well, if she thought they were on a break...

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Honey, what is the big deal?
Monica: I'm the hostess. Not those guys. I'm always the hostess. I mean, even when I was little, the girls brought their dollies to my tea party. I served the best air.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play, and she is my girlfriend. I get to have sex with the star of the play.
Ross: People can hear you.
Chandler: I know!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your old blouses and dresses from high school?
Monica: Yeah, I think I have some around here somewhere. Why?
Phoebe: Well, it's just maternity clothes are so expensive.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Bloomingdale's eliminated my department.
Monica: Oh, my God. Are you out of a job?
Rachel: No, but they stuck me in Personal Shopping, which is a huge step down.
Phoebe: Personal Shopping, what is that? Where you walk around with snooty rich people and tell them what to buy?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: That sounds great.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Excuse me. We switched apartments. You can't eat our food. That gravy train has ended.
Joey: There's gravy?

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: How was Kathy's play?
Ross: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good-looking guy.
Chandler: It was like somebody literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it.
Phoebe: That's a good idea for a business.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I am so totally screwed. They're gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, then they'll go to their cast parties, and he's gonna try to undermine me. He'll be like, "So, where's your boyfriend? What's his name? Chester?" And she'll go, "No, no, no. It's Chandler." And he'll go, "Ha, ha, ha. Whatever!"
Joey: That is a good trick.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Chandler, look. They're actors. They're there to do a job. Just because they work together doesn't mean they're gonna get together. I mean, just because it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins doesn't mean it's gonna happen with them.
Ross: Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
Joey: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
Phoebe: Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.
Ross: They're not a couple.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. I get the game now.

Quote from Monica

Joey: We're watching the game here Saturday night, if people wanna come over.
Ross: Oh, yeah.
Monica: I was thinking about having people over for the game.
Joey: Yeah? Who's playing?
Monica: The players.

Quote from Monica

Ross: Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess.
Monica: Please. It's a relief, is what it is, is what it is.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Monica, I'm quitting. I just helped an 81-year-old woman put on a thong, and she didn't even buy it. I'm telling you, I'm quitting. I'm talking to my boss right now. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Okay, bye. Call me when you get this message.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Don't say a word. Just be cool. Don't be, you know, you.

Quote from Chandler

Kathy: It's a good play, isn't it?
Chandler: I loved the play. You were great. And Nick ... ditto. Clearly, you're having sex with him.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know, I can see how this could happen. You're up there every night naked, touching, kissing.
Kathy: Acting. Chandler, this is my job. I'm playing a part in a play. How can you not trust me?
Chandler: Well, you can understand, given how we started.
Kathy: Oh, wow. I can't believe you're throwing that in my face.
Chandler: Well ,that is what happened. And I don't even see you denying this.
Kathy: I'll tell you what, Chandler. Why don't you call me when you grow up.
Chandler: Yeah, well don't expect that to happen any time soon.

Quote from Ross

[Rachel laughs]
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: Oh, nothing. It's just something Joshua said about V-necks, but you had to be there.
Ross: Yeah, how does Jason look in a V-neck?
Rachel: It's Joshua.
Ross: Whatever.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Wait, are you sure?
Chandler: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said. Then I went over to Beefsteak Chewley's.
Rachel: Beefsteak Charlie's?
Chandler: Yes! You and l have always been like...

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Hi, Joshua. It's Rachel Greene from Bloomingdale's. I was just wondering if you ... if you, um ... Ieft your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we- The license? That is a good idea. Well, let's see. This license belongs to belongs to a ... belongs to a ... Mr. Pheebs. And yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Look, you said, with the offstage and the heat...
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was just a theory. There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out: Lone gunman, communism, geometry.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Okay. For next time, what do you say?
Rachel: "l have an extra ticket." "An extra ticket." Not "two tickets." "I have an extra ticket."
Ross: So the first time you asked a guy out he turned you down?
Rachel: He didn't turn me down. He's at the game, isn't he? I got the date. I'm just not on it.

Quote from Rachel

Mr. Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold, a Joshua Burgen.
Rachel: Really?
Mr. Waltham: Will you call him?
Rachel: Yes, I will. Absolutely.
[playing with Joshua's ID card and her own]
Hello, Rachel.
Hi, Joshua.
I left my wallet here on purpose.
Really?
Yes. I just wanted to see you again.
I'm glad.
Rachel, I'd like to say something to you.
Yes?
How you doin'?


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