TV Quotes

Chandler: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.

Ross: She's dating? She's dating.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, but did you see who she was dating?
Ross: What do you mean?
Monica: Do you not see it?
Ross: See what? I don't know what she sees in, in that goober. And it- And it takes him, what? Like, like, I don't know, uh, uh, hello, a week, to get out a sentence?
Chandler: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?
Ross: [stammering] Yeah.

Estelle: Well, there's my favorite client. So, tell me, darling, how was the audition?
Joey: Well, I think it went pretty well. I got a callback for Thursday.
Estelle: Joey. Have you ever seen me ecstatic?
Joey: No.
Estelle: Well, here it is.

Joey: When I was little, I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.

Chandler: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Want to do another one? Huh, Russ? Okay, eleven letters. "Atomic element number 101," ends in "ium."
Russ: Dysprosium.
Ross: Ha, ha. Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.
Chandler: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, "Knights in White Satin" was sung by the Doody Blues.

Rachel: Joey, would you slow down? They're not going to be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
Joey: I'm excited. I've never gotten reviewed before.
Monica: You were so amazing as the king. I was really impressed, I was.
Phoebe: Although, you know what? You might want to consider wearing underwear next time.
Yeah, 'cause when you sat down on your throne, you could kind of see your royal subjects.

Joey: Here it is, here it is! "The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king."
Chandler: Okay, look, that is one guy's opinion. All right? Pheebs, read yours.
Phoebe: Okay. "The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction"-
Chandler: Does anybody have one from a different paper?

Chandler: Ross, read yours. I don't want to.
Rachel: Oh! Joey, honey, they don't know what they're talking about.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this for ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's got to be a reason.
Ross: Oh, come on, man, you're just, uh, paying your dues. No, no, no. It's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.
Ross: What? That's crazy.
[ALL PROTESTING]
Monica: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. "In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiani was able to achieve brilliant new levels of"- Continued on page 153 - "Sucking."

Rachel: We went through a lot of wine tonight, you guys.
Monica: Really? I only had two glasses.
Joey: I just had a glass.
Phoebe: Two.
Rachel: I had one glass.
Chandler: I had about a mugful in this lovely "I got boned at the Museum of Natural History" mug.

Joey: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?
Monica: Well, we just happen to go to a lot of places where you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or to a club, or to the ... zoo?