TV Quotes

Ross: You are going to love this guy. Gandalf is the party wizard.
Joey: Why do you call him "Gandalf"?
Ross: Gandalf the Wizard. Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.

Ross: How sad are we?
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Chandler: You know what? We're not sad. We're not sad. We're just not 21 anymore. You know? I'm 29 years old, damn it! I want to sit in a comfortable chair, watch TV and go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Phoebe: Okay. Open up.
Ross: What do you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!
Phoebe: Yeah, it's for our catering business.
Joey: I think I know that girl.

Monica: We're not going to keep it this way, though.
Phoebe: No, we're going to paint over the sword and replace it with a baguette. Also, we don't know what to do with this. [Phoebe flicks a switch and the painted woman's breasts start flashing]
Joey: Oh yeah, I definitely know her.

Monica: Look, I'm on the back page.
Phoebe: "Would I go back to Allesandro's? Sure, but I'd have to get two meals. One for me, and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." Wow. You really laid into this place.
Monica: Hey, they don't pay me a penny a word to make friends.

Allesandro: I want a retraction. Our food is not "inedible swill."
Monica: I couldn't eat it. I have five friends who couldn't eat it, and one of them eats books.

Monica: Your marinara sauce tastes like tomato juice. You should serve it with vodka and celery.
Allesandro: I'm proud of that sauce. It's delicious.
Monica: You own an Italian restaurant, and you think that tastes good? Where are you from?
Allesandro: Lebanon.

Rachel: Well, all of those things you said in the interview, if you believe any of them I must not be a very good assistant. You know what? I am just going to pack up my desk and I will be gone by the end of the day. [removes a pen and a muffin from a drawer] Well, I guess there's no use me staying till the end of the day.

Joey: Hey, what are you guys doing here? I thought you'd be out partying with Gandol- -dorf.

Chandler: Maybe we could end up on a boat again?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: All right.
Ross: Hey, hey. When were we on a boat?
Chandler: Remember that really cold morning when you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, those were seals, man.

Rachel: This is going to be so great. I'll help decide what we sell. I'll have an office with walls and everything. I'm going to have walls!

Monica: It's okay, because if you think about it you don't really need me for the business.
Phoebe: You're the cook! Without you, it's just me driving up to people's houses with empty trays and asking for money.

Monica: I've been doing a lot of thinking. Well, I came up with a bunch of businesses that you can do with your van. Okay. You could be a flower delivery person.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Or a bakery delivery person? Pizza?
Phoebe: Monica.
Monica: Okay, I've got a whole bunch of stuff in this area. But I'm getting the feeling you don't want to deliver.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Okay. I guess if you don't want to deliver you probably don't want to pick up stuff either.

Phoebe: Besides, it might be kind of fun to form the new A-Team.

Rachel: Hi, Mrs. Lynch. Is Joanna in already?
Mrs. Lynch Oh, my goodness. You haven't heard.
Rachel: Heard what?
Mrs. Lynch Joanna passed away last night.
Rachel: Oh, my God! How?
Mrs. Lynch She was leaving work, and she was hit by a cab.
Rachel: Oh, my God. I cannot believe it.
Mrs. Lynch I know.
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Mrs. Lynch I didn't realize that you were so close.
Rachel: Yes. So close!

Sophie: Good morning!
Rachel: Oh, Sophie, I guess you didn't hear about Joanna.
Sophie: I sure did!

Monica: Come on, no peeking.
Chandler: Our eyes are closed, and we're about to cross the street. Very good.

Monica: Remember that guy from cooking school that put cilantro in everything?
Phoebe: Oh, sure, Cilantro Larry.
Monica: Well, I'm going to fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Ross: Wow, Monica. What an amazing opportunity to influence ... dozens of people.

Chandler: Hey, Ross. Quick question for you. Are you ready to party?
Ross: I don't know. I could maybe go out for a couple of beers. But there's this thing about bumble bees on the Discovery Channel.

Chandler: This will be so cool. We never party anymore.
[Ross and Chandler cheer]
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?