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The One with the Stoned Guy

‘The One with the Stoned Guy’

Season 1, Episode 15 -  Aired February 16, 1995

Monica has a horrific job interview when the restaurant owner, a massage client of Phoebe's, shows up at the apartment stoned. Meanwhile, fearing that his "temporary" job has become permanent, Chandler quits, while Ross needs Joey's help to "talk dirty".

Quote from Chandler

Monica: He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be. It's this cute little place on tenth street. It's not too big. It's not too small. It's just right.
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blond woman and some bears?

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Quote from Chandler

Monica: So was it a lot more money?
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys who's in his office until 1 o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
Rachel: The, the "WENUS"?
Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage System. It's a processing term.
Rachel: Oh, that WENUS.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, that's very generous. Look, this isn't about the money. It's just, I need something that's more than a job. I need something I really care ab-
And that's on top of the year-end bonus structure you mentioned earlier?
Joey: Your dream! Your dream!
Chandler: Look, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay? This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection! No, no, no. Stop saying numbers! Stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy. I'll see you Monday!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Coffee.
Joey: Thank you.
Rachel: Cappuccino. And a nice, hot cider for Monica.
Monica: Thank you. Rach, why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser?
Rachel: Oh. [removes a cinnamon stick from behind her ear] Oh, that's why. Sorry.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, you guys. Chandler's coming and he has incredible news. So when he gets here, let's all act, like, you know-
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Never mind. But it was gonna be really good.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So it's a typical day at work, I'm inputting my numbers, and Big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Phoebe: That is great!
Joey: Congratulations!
Chandler: So, I quit.
Monica: What, why?
Phoebe: Why?
Chandler: This was supposed to be a temp job.
Monica: Yeah, Chandler, you've been there for five years.
Chandler: I know, but if I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, I have something you can do! I have this new massage client, Steve. Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.
Monica: Um, hi, there.
Phoebe: Hi. I know. Oh, yeah, I know. You're a chef and I thought of you first. But Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so...

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
Phoebe: Well, he wants to do something eclectic. So he's looking for someone who can create the entire menu.
Monica: Oh my God.
Phoebe: [to Chandler] So, what do you think?
Chandler: Thanks, Pheebs. I guess I just don't see myself in a big, white hat.
Phoebe: Oh, Monica! Guess what?

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Career counselor?
Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
Rachel: I don't.
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream!
Ross: Ah, the lesser-known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, guys, anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: Okay. Ahem. Does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?

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