Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One with the Tea Leaves’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Friends: The One with the Tea Leaves

817. The One with the Tea Leaves

Aired March 7, 2002

After Phoebe's tea leaves tell her that she will soon meet the man of her dreams, she ends up on a disastrous date with a man she kept running into. Fed up of the awkwardness between her and Joey, Rachel invents a ridiculous work problem to talk to him about. Elsewhere, Ross tries to retrieve a "faded salmon" shirt he left at Mona's.

Quote from Ross

Mona: Oh, my God! Ross!
Ross: Hello.
Mona: Ross, what are you doing?
Ross: Not touching myself, if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.


Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Okay, look, Mr. Zelner-
Mr. Zelner: Oh, I think it's best if I speak first.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh, God.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week, when I asked you when your due date was, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was "due" your baby. I want to be very clear that I understand that it's your baby and it is not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Well, I haven't seen him since the night he told me how he, you know- I don't know, I think he's avoiding me. Why is that bagel on the floor?
Monica: We were playing a game.
Rachel: Ew. Was Chandler naked? Sort of like a ring-toss kind of situation?
Monica: Sure.
Chandler: What? No! No!
Rachel: All right, listen. If you see Joey, will you just tell him that? Tell him I miss him.
Monica: Okay. Did you hear that?
Joey: Yeah. That naked bagel game? Dude, I don't know. That's a pretty small hole.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: So you have a big work problem?
Rachel: Yeah. It's, uh- Yeah, it's, uh- You know, it's nothing.
Joey: Okay. So I think I'm gonna take off.
Rachel: No, wait, Joey, it is. It's something. It's- It's my boss.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah. And, uh- And my baby.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby.
Joey: What? Oh, my God.
Rachel: I know, I told you, it's a really big problem.
Joey: He wants to buy your baby?
Rachel: Can you believe that?
Joey: That's crazy.
Rachel: That's what I told him.
Joey: How did this even happen?
Rachel: Well, I'll tell you. See, my boss and his wife, they can't have children, so- And then when we were at the Christmas party and he got drunk, he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Joey: Man. When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby, I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Rachel: Oh. Yeah. ... Yeah, that would have been a much simpler problem.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: I didn't know you read tea leaves?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. I've done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. And, you know, one of the great joys of life is its wondrous unpredictability, you know? And also, tea tends to give me the trots.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but it's like we don't even know how to be with each other any more.
Chandler: I know it's tough now, but things will get better.
Rachel: How do you know? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other?
Chandler: I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Joey, I'm really sorry I lied to you. I was just trying to make things-
Joey: I know. I know.
Rachel: But it kind of worked. I mean, I don't know about you, but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.
Joey: Yeah, you're right. Yeah. It's kind of been like "us" again, a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I've missed that.
Joey: Me too. I mean, I haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and how it was really awkward.
Rachel: My gynecologist tried to kill me.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Whoa. I almost forgot this was on your-
Chandler: We didn't play it!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Has anyone seen my shirt? It's a button-down, kind of like a faded salmon color?
Monica: You mean your pink shirt?
Ross: Faded salmon color?
Monica: No, I haven't seen your pink shirt. Great. Great. Then I must have left it at Mona's.
Chandler: I knew it. I'm sure you can get another one at Ann Taylor's.
Ross: That's my favorite shirt. Okay, I love that shirt.
Rachel: Just ask Mona to give it back.
Ross: I don't know. I guess I could. It's just we didn't really end things on such good terms. And if I went over there, I'd be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up: jump up my own ass and die.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Do mine.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh! Okay, I see a circle. Oh, which can either mean you're having a baby or you're going to make a scientific discovery.
Rachel: Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode