Mona: Oh, my God! Ross!
Ross: Hello.
Mona: Ross, what are you doing?
Ross: Not touching myself, if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.

Rachel: Okay, look, Mr. Zelner-
Mr. Zelner: Oh, I think it's best if I speak first.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh, God.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week, when I asked you when your due date was, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was "due" your baby. I want to be very clear that I understand that it's your baby and it is not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that.

Rachel: Well, I haven't seen him since the night he told me how he, you know- I don't know, I think he's avoiding me. Why is that bagel on the floor?
Monica: We were playing a game.
Rachel: Ew. Was Chandler naked? Sort of like a ring-toss kind of situation?
Monica: Sure.
Chandler: What? No! No!
Rachel: All right, listen. If you see Joey, will you just tell him that? Tell him I miss him.
Monica: Okay. Did you hear that?
Joey: Yeah. That naked bagel game? Dude, I don't know. That's a pretty small hole.

Joey: So you have a big work problem?
Rachel: Yeah. It's, uh- Yeah, it's, uh- You know, it's nothing.
Joey: Okay. So I think I'm gonna take off.
Rachel: No, wait, Joey, it is. It's something. It's- It's my boss.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah. And, uh- And my baby.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby.
Joey: What? Oh, my God.
Rachel: I know, I told you, it's a really big problem.
Joey: He wants to buy your baby?
Rachel: Can you believe that?
Joey: That's crazy.
Rachel: That's what I told him.
Joey: How did this even happen?
Rachel: Well, I'll tell you. See, my boss and his wife, they can't have children, so- And then when we were at the Christmas party and he got drunk, he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Joey: Man. When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby, I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Rachel: Oh. Yeah. ... Yeah, that would have been a much simpler problem.

Chandler: I didn't know you read tea leaves?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. I've done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. And, you know, one of the great joys of life is its wondrous unpredictability, you know? And also, tea tends to give me the trots.

Rachel: So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but it's like we don't even know how to be with each other any more.
Chandler: I know it's tough now, but things will get better.
Rachel: How do you know? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other?
Chandler: I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?

Rachel: Joey, I'm really sorry I lied to you. I was just trying to make things-
Joey: I know. I know.
Rachel: But it kind of worked. I mean, I don't know about you, but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.
Joey: Yeah, you're right. Yeah. It's kind of been like "us" again, a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I've missed that.
Joey: Me too. I mean, I haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and how it was really awkward.
Rachel: My gynecologist tried to kill me.

Joey: Whoa. I almost forgot this was on your-
Chandler: We didn't play it!

Ross: Has anyone seen my shirt? It's a button-down, kind of like a faded salmon color?
Monica: You mean your pink shirt?
Ross: Faded salmon color?
Monica: No, I haven't seen your pink shirt. Great. Great. Then I must have left it at Mona's.
Chandler: I knew it. I'm sure you can get another one at Ann Taylor's.
Ross: That's my favorite shirt. Okay, I love that shirt.
Rachel: Just ask Mona to give it back.
Ross: I don't know. I guess I could. It's just we didn't really end things on such good terms. And if I went over there, I'd be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up: jump up my own ass and die.

Rachel: Do mine.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh! Okay, I see a circle. Oh, which can either mean you're having a baby or you're going to make a scientific discovery.
Rachel: Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.