TV Quotes

Ross: Happy Monica's Night.
Rachel: Well, thank you. You too. Can you believe this? Can you believe they are actually getting married?
Ross: Well, sure, but I get married all the time.

Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup, dude?
Chandler: Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me.
Joey: So you playing a little PlayStation, huh? That's whack. PlayStation is whack. 'Sup with the whack PlayStation, 'sup?

Joey: They break your heart, don't they?
Phoebe: You know, I don't really need their permission.
Joey: Yeah, if you want to sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding.
Phoebe: Yeah, and if you want to look 19, then you- You got to do something about your eyes.
Joey: What? What's wrong with my eyes?
Phoebe: They give you away. There's just too much wisdom in there. Just put some tea bags on them for like 15 minutes.
Joey: And that'll get rid of my wisdom?
Phoebe: Maybe just 10 minutes for you.

Ross: And Rachel, what can I say? You missed your chance. From now on, the only person who's going to enjoy these bad boys is me.

Joey: I can't stay too long. I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow. I gotta look good. I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. What?
Chandler: So when you said get up early, did you mean 1986?

Joey: Come on, am I 19 or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.

Chandler: You've had a lot of sex, right?
Joey: When, today? Some, not a lot.
Chandler: It's just, the reason I am asking is because I had kind of a- I was unable to- I really wanted to, but I couldn't- There was an incident.
Joey: Don't worry about that, man. That happens.
Chandler: It's happened to you?
Joey: Yeah, once.
Chandler: Well, what'd you do?
Joey: I did it anyway.

Ross: Hey, what's going on? I found a note on my door, "Come to Monica's quick. Bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar"?
Joey: Yeah, I'll take that.

Monica: I'm getting married! I'm gonna be a bride!
Man: Shut up.
Monica: No, I will not shut up, because I'm engaged!
[indistinct yelling]
Monica: Oh, big talk, huh. Why don't you come over here and say that to me, buddy? My fiancee will kick your ass. Come on, apartment 20, apartment 20.
Chandler: Okay. You get her in here, you bolt the door, I'll be in the closet.

Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding, because you know I'm kind of musical.
Rachel: Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago, I doubt she's even had time to think-
Phoebe: Oh, speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?
Rachel: Yeah, you're on your own.

Joey: You guys don't think I look 19?
Phoebe: Oh, 19! We thought you said 90.

Joey: Oh, hey, is the rest of my candy bar around here?
Phoebe: No, honey, you ate it all.
Joey: Aww, I was afraid of that.
[Phoebe eats Joey's candy bar]

Monica: Chandler, it happens to lots of guys. You know, you are probably tired, you had a lot of champagne. Don't worry about it.
Chandler: I'm not worried. I'm fascinated. You know? It's like biology. Which is funny, because in high school I failed biology ... and tonight biology failed me.

Phoebe: Check it out. I could play this while the guests are coming in, okay.
[singing and playing guitar] First time I met Chandler I thought he was gay, But here I am singing, On his wedding day-
Monica: Phoebe, no.
Phoebe: If you would have let me finish, it goes on to say that he's probably not gay.

Monica: Get ready. I'll get everybody. Finally we can start celebrating my- [gasps] I'm sorry, apparently I've opened the door to the past.

Monica: Can I ask you just a little question? Why tonight?
Rachel: What?
Monica: See, I've been waiting my whole life to be engaged and unlike some people, I am only planning on doing this once.

Monica: It maybe selfish, and I'm sorry about that, but I was kind of hoping tonight could just be about that.
Rachel: Oh, honey, but it is just about that.
Monica: No, no. Now it's about you and Ross getting back together.
Rachel: What?
Monica: See, you kind of stole my thunder.

Rachel: I swear, we just kissed.
Ross: It was just a kiss.
Phoebe: You guys kissed?! What does this mean?! Are you back together? Can I sing at your wedding?
Monica: Thunder being stolen.

Ross: Let's not make a big deal of this. It was a one-time thing. It doesn't even matter.
Joey: Oh, my God. I cannot believe you guys are talking about this. The problems in the bedroom are between a man and woman. All right? Now, Chandler is doing the best he can.
Chandler: I don't think that's what they were talking about, Joe.

Joey: Now, I can pass for 19, right?
Chandler: Yes, you can pass for 19.
Joey: Really?
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Seriously?
Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no. Okay? You can play your own age, which is 31.
Joey: [gasps] I'm 30!
Rachel: Joey, you are not. You're 31.
Joey: Oh, crap!

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Whenever I get married, Guess who won't be asked to sing, Somebody named Geller, And somebody else named Bing.

Rachel: Monica, I don't want to steal your stupid thunder.
Monica: Oh, please. Why else would you have made out with Ross?
Ross: [showcasing his hands] Got me.
Rachel: All right. Easy, mimey, the moment has passed. It ain't going to happen.

Rachel: I never wanted any part of your night. No one was supposed to see us.
Monica: Oh. Is that why you did it in the secret hallway, where nobody ever goes?

Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex, and I hope you guys get back together. But I warn you, the night that you announce your engagement, I'm going to announce that I'm pregnant.
Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?

Rachel: Anyway, sweetie, I am so sorry I ruined your night.
Monica: I'm sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] We thought Phoebe would leave, But she just stayed and stayed, That's right, I'm here all night, And Chandler will never get-
Chandler: Hey. Here's a dollar. Consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding. Thank you. Okay.
Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Now who will perform the ceremony, Who will perform the cer- Oh, oh. I'll pound on him in the morning.

Rachel: So are you the fairest one of all?
Joey: Rach, I can still play 19, right?
Rachel: Yeah, but Joey, you gotta dress younger. I'm telling you, if you wear the right clothes you can look any age.
Joey: Really?
Rachel: Yeah, I work in fashion. And fashion is all about youth.
Joey: Fashion is all about me?
Rachel: Youth, Youth! Listen up, grandpa!