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‘The One with the Cake’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Cake

1004. The One with the Cake

Aired October 23, 2003

When Rachel and Ross throw a birthday party for Emma, their friends all wish to be somewhere else.

Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: Well, we'd better get going. It's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night any more. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

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Quote from Judy Geller

Jack Geller: I can't believe Emma's already one.
Judy Geller: I remember your first birthday. Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard we had to take him to the emergency room.
Ross: There's something you didn't know about your dad.

Quote from Judy Geller

Judy Geller: Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday.
Jack Geller: Right now, that seems so far away. Seventeen years.
Judy Geller: Yes. You'll be all grown up by then, and we'll be- Well, your grandfather and I might not be here.
Jack Geller: That's true. This message could be coming to you from beyond the grave, Emma.
Judy Geller: After all, my parents died very young.
Jack Geller: And my cholesterol's off the charts.
Judy Geller: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too.

Quote from Joey

Joey: We were supposed to bring presents?
Phoebe: Yeah. I wrote Emma a song.
Joey: Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know?
Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party.
Joey: Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old. What's the point? The other day she laughed for an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it, dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow, and the cow says, "El-moo." Man, that's a funny cup.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Which one?
Joey: Well, it's one of her favorites. "Riding the Storm Out: Coping With Postpartum Depression." Eeesh. "Love You Forever". Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly Books. Printed in Mexico. Ahem.
A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang, 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.'...
And while he rocked her, he sang: 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.'
Rachel: Oh, wow! That was amazing.
Ross: Thank you so much for that gift.
Chandler: I was not ready for this today.
Ross: Amazing. Amazing.

Quote from Jack Geller

Judy Geller: Jack, look at this.
Jack Geller: I know what you're thinking, Judy. The resemblance is uncanny.
Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Aren't you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?
Joey: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Yes, I still want my daughter's picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts.
Chandler: To be fair, this one does have nuts.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Wait, you can't go away this weekend. It's Emma's birthday.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: We're having a party.
Monica: Well, can't you have the party when we get back?
Rachel: No. It won't be her real birthday.
Chandler: Gee, if only she were 1 and had no idea what the hell a birthday was.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she's 18.
Phoebe: Oh, cool. Wow, it's like a time capsule. Oh, just think, she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet with friends who, right now, are just, like, babies. And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people.
Ross: That's the hope.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: So is Emma awake yet?
Rachel: No, it's still naptime. But she'll be up soon.
Ross: Where's Joey?
Rachel: I said, it's still naptime.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, there's Uncle Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Ross: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday.
Joey: Eighteen, huh?
Ross: Joey, no!
Joey: What? What? It's for her hot friends.
Ross: When they see this, you'll be fifty-two.
Joey: And starting to think about settling down.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Where's the birthday girl?
Rachel: Oh, she's still napping.
Chandler: Oh, sure. She was probably up all night excited about the party she knows is happening.

Quote from Jack Geller

Joey: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Geller. Let me help you with that.
Jack Geller: Thank you.
Joey: Oh, man, this is great, huh? The three of us together again. You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us.
Jack Geller: Which one are you?

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Phoebe has prepared something as well.
Phoebe: That's right. I prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift than the gift of music.
[playing guitar and singing] Emma, Your name poses a dilemma, 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma, Maybe the actor Richard Crenna - He played the commanding officer in Rambo, Happy birthday Emma.
Rachel: Is that it?
Phoebe: No, of course not. No, I've also, you know, prepared a reading. "Sex and the Single Mother." "Finding your G-spot."
Ross: Oh, no, no, no!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes in all different shapes. And if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing.
Monica: Did you give them a picture of Emma?
Rachel: Yes. On a cake shaped like a bunny.
Ross: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say, for bachelorette parties?
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking? Oh, my God! They put my baby's face on a penis!
Phoebe: Now it's a party!
Rachel: Wait, you guys, this isn't funny. If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis so we could put it on the bunny. That is a weird sentence.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Well, while we're waiting, you could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? Okay?
Chandler: Hi, Emma. It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us because we haven't spoken to your parents in 17 years.
Chandler: We used to be married. But then we missed a weekend away together, and things kind of unraveled ... because of you. Happy birthday.

Quote from Monica

Ross: You guys, just, please, a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember the frosting, huh?
Monica: All right, five more minutes.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Hello? Oh, no, what happened? Okay, okay, where are you? Okay, I'll be right there.
Chandler: Was that Emma? Is she up?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
Chandler: To the bathroom.
Joey: Well, the rest of you get comfortable, because we are gonna be here for a- Wait, there's a window in there.
Phoebe: Oh, no. He's not getting away that easy.
Chandler: What are you doing? Get the hell out of here.
Joey: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.
Phoebe: No, it did not.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Joey, how could you just let them leave?
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. I'm not gonna mess with Jack. He's a great man. He fought for our country.
Monica: No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.

Quote from Estelle

Estelle: Joey, it's Estelle.
Joey: Hey.
Estelle: So how'd your audition go today?
Joey: What audition?
Estelle: The one I told you about last week.
Joey: What? You never said anything about an audition.
Estelle: Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theater, and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Joey: A monologue? I don't have a- [Joey picks up the children's book] Got it.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
Joey: Oh, I got it. Okay, everyone pick a number from one to 10, all right? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
Monica: Okay, 10.
Joey: Okay, Monica picks 10. I call nine. Anyone else?

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: No, let's just draw straws.
Joey: Okay. Or we could flip a coin and multiply the answer-
Chandler: I'm begging you to stop.
Joey: Right.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Look, you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?
Ross: Well, I just made these two things cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.
Rachel: Well, I am very impressed.
Ross: Some can sing, some can dance. I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Now, another way to organize your stuffed animals is by size.
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Monica: Game?

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today?
Rachel: Emma, that's right. You're that many.
Ross: Oh, my God, our daughter's a genius. Rach, this means-
Rachel: No! No science camp.
Ross: Damn it!


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