Rachel Green Quotes Page 1 of 82

Quote from The One with the Jellyfish

Rachel: And hey, just so you know, it's not that common. It doesn't happen to every guy. And it is a big deal!
Chandler: I knew it!

Quote from The One Where Ross Finds Out

Rachel: Hi. I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
Phone Guy: I'm talking.
Rachel: I can see that. Just one phone call, I'll be very quick. I'll even pay for it myself. Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone.
Phone Guy: All right. Fine. I'll call you back.
Rachel: Thank you. Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
Rachel: Ross! Hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that everything's fine. And I'm really happy for you and your cat. Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. You see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call "closure."

Quote from The Last One (Part Two)

Rachel: [on answering machine] Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things. And- And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
Ross: Oh my God!
Rachel: [on answering machine] Excuse me?
Stewardess: [on answering machine] Miss? Please, sit down.
Rachel: [on answering machine] No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love them.
Stewardess: [on answering machine] Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
Ross: Let her off the plane!
Stewardess: [on answering machine] I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.
Rachel: [on answering machine] Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!
Ross: Try to understand!
Rachel: [on answering machine] Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off- [beep]
Ross: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: I got off the plane.

Quote from The One with Ross's Teeth

Rachel: Ooh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?

Quote from The One Where Rachel Tells...

Ross: I just want you to know that I'm going to be there through this whole thing. Okay. The doctor's appointments, the Lamaze classes, baby-proofing the apartment. Although, we can probably worry about that after we get married.
Rachel: Married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married.
Rachel: Because that's your answer to everything?

Quote from The One with the Proposal (Part 2)

Joey: Can we come in yet? We're dying out here.
Monica: Come in! Come in! We're engaged!
Rachel: Oh, this is the least jealous I've ever been.
Phoebe: Oh, no, wait. This is wrong. Ross isn't here.
Rachel: Oh, hell, he's done it three times. He knows what it's about.

Quote from The One on the Last Night

Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it "What were you thinking?"
Rachel: That's funny. Because I was just going to go across the hall and write that on Chandler.

Quote from The One After Vegas

Rachel: The bottom line, Ross, is we cannot stay married.
Ross: I don't know if that's true.
Rachel: Oh, but it is.
Ross: Okay. You know what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage-
Rachel: Oh, Ross, come on. This is not a marriage. This is the world's worst hangover!

Quote from The One After Vegas

Rachel: Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will.
Ross: All right. All right, I'll do it.
Ross: Thank you.
Rachel: Hey. Hey, is there any such thing as an annulment shower?

Quote from The One Where Everybody Finds Out

Rachel: Phoebe, Phoebe. It's okay!
Phoebe: No, they're doing it!
Rachel: I know! I know!
Phoebe: You know?
Rachel: Yes, I know and Joey knows, but Ross doesn't know, so you have to stop screaming!

Quote from The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance

Monica: Okay, do it one more time.
Rachel: Really? Really?
Monica: Yes.
Rachel: Okay. [in an Irish accent] Hello, Ross? This is Dr. McNeely from the Fake Accent University. We'd like you to come on-board with us full-time!

Quote from The One with Unagi

Ross: All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against, like, each other. It's a whole other story being prepared for an attack, like, I don't know- A surprise! All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
Rachel: Ooh, you know what, if we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.

Quote from The One in Vegas (Part 2)

Chandler: Okay, this is it. We're gonna get married.
Monica: You sure you wanna do this?
Ross: Hello, Mrs. Ross!
Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel!

Quote from The One with the Tea Leaves

Rachel: Okay, look, Mr. Zelner-
Mr. Zelner: Oh, I think it's best if I speak first.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh, God.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week, when I asked you when your due date was, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was "due" your baby. I want to be very clear that I understand that it's your baby and it is not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that.

Quote from The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant

Waiter: Miss?
Rachel: [softly] Okay, I will have the side salad.
Waiter: [softly] And what would that be on the side of?
Rachel: I don't know. Why don't you just put it right here next to my water.