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‘The One with the Red Sweater’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Red Sweater

802. The One with the Red Sweater

Aired October 4, 2001

After Rachel refuses to reveal the father of her baby until she's told him, Phoebe and Joey do some detective work. Meanwhile, Ross helps Chandler to recreate the pictures from the wedding after he loses the disposable cameras, and Monica opens all their presents without Chandler.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Listen, you know what? Sir, for the last time, I don't care what the computer says. We did not take a bag of Mashuga Nuts from the mini bar. And we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little.
Joey: Hey.
Phoebe: Uh, Joey, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. [Phoebe shows Joey the bill they're challenging] I was told the name of movie would not appear on the bill.

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Quote from Joey

Front Desk Clerk: Here's a copy of your bill.
Monica: Oh, thanks. Champagne, strawberries- Oh, my God! I can't believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night.
Joey: Yeah, that's sad. Mashuga Nut?

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hey, how are you feeling? Got any morning sickness?
Rachel: Ssh. The guys don't know, do they?
Monica: No. Joey and Ross don't know anything and Chandler still thinks Phoebe's pregnant.
Phoebe: Hey, that's right. Chandler does still think I'm pregnant. He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling, or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. After you, of course.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Hey, Joey, what would you do if someone you slept with told you she was pregnant?
Joey: Who called here? Did she sound blond? Did she have an accent? I gotta make a call. I should have never walked into that Sunglass Hut!

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: What the hell's going on? Is somebody pregnant?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That's me.
Joey: Oh, my God, Pheebs. You're gonna have a baby?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes, I am. Oh, my God, I'm gonna have a baby.
Joey: Wait a minute, who's the father?
Phoebe: You don't know him. It's not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby.
Joey: Who is this guy? Who is this guy? Because I will track him down and kick his ass!
Phoebe: David Linn.
Joey: David Linn! David Linn! David Linn!
Monica: Who's David Linn?
Phoebe: Oh, some guy from my gym. Little annoying.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Pheebs? Listen. Sit down, I got something I want to say.
Phoebe: All right.
Joey: It's a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Now, I always felt that you and I have a special bond. So, Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Monica: Oh, my God! Joey!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, I'll marry you.
Monica: You can't marry him!
Phoebe: Hey, lady, your day's over, it's my turn.
Monica: Phoebe!
Joey: What? Why can't she marry me?
Phoebe: I can and I will.
Monica: She's not pregnant. It's Rachel. Rachel's the one who's pregnant, okay.
Joey: Oh, my God.
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe, I think he'd notice when you didn't have a baby in nine months.
Phoebe: It's Joey! [mouths] I love you!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Rach, listen. No matter what this guy says. I want you to know, you're not going to be alone in this.
Rachel: I'm not?
Joey: No. Listen. It's a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. I've always felt like you and I have this special bond, you know. Rachel Green, will you marry me?
Rachel: What?
Monica: What?
Phoebe: What?!
Joey: Pheebs, give me the ring back.
Phoebe: No!

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Okay, so this isn't a picture of our first kiss but it is a picture of my first kiss with this lady. Which, by the look on your face, I'm sure you'll remember, so we don't need this. There's no need- How about I take the real pictures to get developed now?
Monica: That'd be a good idea.
Chandler: You opened all the presents without me? I thought we were supposed to do that together.
Monica: You kissed another woman?
Chandler: Call it even?
Monica: Okay. [Monica and Chandler high-five]

Quote from Ross

Ross: Well, I'm going to go put these in some water.
Phoebe: You stole those from these people's wedding?
Ross: No, no. I took them from the hotel lobby. They think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another thing coming.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, my sweater. I've been looking for this for like a month.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh, my God!
[after a long pause]
Joey: Oh, my God!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hi, we're checking out of the bridal suite.
Monica: That's right. I'm no longer a bride. I'll never be a bride again. Now I'm just someone's wife.
Chandler: And I'm the happiest guy in the world.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Oh, come on, honey. We still have so much to look forward to.
Monica: Yeah, right.
Chandler: We've got the honeymoon.
Monica: That's not till Thursday.
Chandler: We've got the wedding pictures.
Monica: Those won't be ready for weeks.
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Monica: That's true. I knew I married you for a reason.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Soaps, shampoos. Are you really taking all this stuff?
Ross: Why not? It's built in the price of the room.
Chandler: Yeah, but you don't need- What is this?
Ross: Thread.
Chandler: Score!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Where are the disposable cameras?
Ross: What disposable cameras?
Chandler: The cameras. Remember last night I asked you to take them?
Ross: No, you didn't.
Chandler: Yes, remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and said-
Ross: Oh. Yeah, you came up to me and asked if I could do you favor. Then my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why is it called a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" [Chandler laughs] Yeah, then you did that.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: I promise that you only have to be pregnant for a few more hours. I'm going to tell the father today.
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Rachel: Ew! No.
Phoebe: What? I think he's cute.
Rachel: Well, then you have his baby.
Phoebe: Believe me, I'm trying.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Wow, it's so weird. You're gonna tell this guy today, and he has no idea what's going to happen.
Phoebe: Yeah, you're just going to knock on his door and change his life forever. You're like Ed McMahon, except without the big check. Or the raw sexual magnetism.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Pretty big? It's huge. God, this guy doesn't have a clue. He's just walking down the street thinking: "I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock." Then, bam! He's a father, everything's different.
Rachel: Well, it's only different if he wants it to be. I mean, I'm not going to ask him for anything.
Phoebe: Okay, then he still has this huge decision to make. Now he's walking around thinking: "Do I want to be a dad?" Then, bam!
Monica: What was that "bam"?
Phoebe: I don't know. He's hit by a bus.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well this is great. You know, those cameras were the only thing that was going to cheer Monica up today. She's really depressed.
Ross: You guys just got married. Why is she so depressed?
Chandler: All my energy is going into not asking that question.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Did you do it yet?
Rachel: Not yet.
Phoebe: Then what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? Is it Gunther?
Rachel: Phoebe, it's not Gunther.
Phoebe: Thank God. Because that hair on a baby?

Quote from Monica

Joey: I can't believe it. Rachel's pregnant? Who's the father?
Phoebe: We don't know.
Joey: I wonder if it's that dude.
Monica: There's a dude?
Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: Well, who is it?
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel. I didn't see who it was, but- [Joey walks out of the apartment]
Phoebe: Was that story over?
[Monica and Phoebe go into the hallway as Joey returns from his apartment]
Joey: The guy left this.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. I know who the father is.
[Phoebe walks back into the apartment]
Monica: People have got to finish their stories!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you could tell him. Go!
Rachel: What? Wait a minute. Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blond girl with an ass that won't quit.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Why don't you go up on stage, I'll get a picture of you doing the speech.
Ross: Okay. [glasses klinking] Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed.
Man: That's my car.
Ross: A '95 LeSabre?
Man: Yes.
Ross: A green LeSabre?
Man: Yes.
Ross: I'm sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre.
Man: Yes, green-blue.
Ross: Well, go. Go move it!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I can't say that didn't hurt. But I'll take you back, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Yeah, Pheebs, about that, l-
Phoebe: Oh, a Salami Buddy.
Joey: There you go.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, how you doing?
Tag: Good. Good. Long time no see. I like your sweater.
Ross: Oh. Hey. Right back at you.
Tag: It's crazy about Rachel, huh?
Ross: Yeah. Well, she's one crazy lady.
Tag: So whose is it?
Ross: I don't know, some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later. He is so weird.


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