Monica: Wait a minute. If you're in charge of invitations, why am I the one that had to call her? Hello, Mrs. Green. Hi, it's Monica Geller.
Mrs. Green: Oh, hello, Monica.
Monica: Hi. I know this is last-minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
Mrs. Green: I know. My daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
Monica: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Mrs. Green: For what, dear? For not inviting me, or for lying about it?

Phoebe: All right, everybody. It's time to open the presents.
Monica: Yes, yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby. Because you're the most important person in this room. And in the world!
Mrs. Green: Well, I don't have a gift because I wasn't invited until the last minute. But thank you so much, dear, for bringing that to everybody's attention.

Mrs. Green: Oh, and all those dinosaur knickknacks you have. Ross, I think they might be more at home in the garage.
Ross: Well, we don't have a garage.
Mrs. Green: Did I say garage? I meant garbage.

Ross: I have a son. His mother and I didn't live together. And whenever he was with me, I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Mrs. Green: That's true. You do have another child.
Ross: Yeah.
Mrs. Green: With another woman. Have you no control, Ross?
Ross: That's a different issue.

Mrs. Green: Oh, my God. There's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.
Rachel: Yeah, well, just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.

Mrs. Green: So, what do you think of my daughter, in the apron with the big job.
Rachel: Oh, Mom.
Mrs. Green: If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.
Chandler: Believe me, sometimes that happens.

Rachel: You want me to see a therapist?
Mrs. Green: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.

Mrs. Green: Look at that face. Just like when you were in high school. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble.

Mrs. Green: Now, have you picked your nanny yet? Now, I don't want you to just use your housekeeper, because it will just split her focus.
Rachel: Well, actually, I'm not gonna use a nanny. And I don't even have a housekeeper.
Mrs. Green: It's like you're a cave person.

Rachel: Well, however great she was, I just can't afford that.
Mrs. Green: Oh, Rachel!
Rachel: What?
Mrs. Green: I just had the greatest idea. I'm gonna come live with you.
Rachel: What? What? What?
Mrs. Green: Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes.
Rachel: Yes, yes, I do.