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‘The One with Phoebe's Husband’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One with Phoebe's Husband

204. The One with Phoebe's Husband

Aired October 12, 1995

The gang is surprised to learn that Phoebe is married to a gay Canadian ice dancer named Duncan. Monica worries Phoebe will fall in love with him again and be heartbroken when the love isn't returned.

When Ross turns to Rachel for advice about his relationship with Julie, she senses an opportunity to throw a spanner in the works. Meanwhile,  Monica tells everyone about Chandler's third nipple and he reveals Joey's role in a porn film.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: So does it do anything, you know, special?
Chandler: Why, yes, Ross. Pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.

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Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: I'm meeting Duncan. He's skating tonight at the Garden. He's in the Capades.
Joey: The lce Capades?
Chandler: No, the Gravel Capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls? Funny.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Monica: Oh, it's not big. Not at all. You know, kind of along the same lines as, say I don't know, having a third nipple!
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
Chandler: You bitch.
Ross: Whip it out. Whip it out.
Chandler: No, there's nothing to see. It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless.
Rachel: Oh, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?

Quote from Joey

Joey: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Joey was in a porno movie. If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Ross: You were in a porno?!
Joey: All right, all right. I was young and I just wanted a job, okay? But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it. So they let me be the guy who fixes the copier but can't because there's people having sex on it.

Quote from Chandler

Julie: You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts, and women dance naked around you.
Chandler: Huh. Are any of these cultures, per chance, in the Tri-State area?

Quote from Ross

Ross: Darn it, we're all out of milk. Chandler, will you fill me up here?
Chandler: Oh, I see, I see. Because of the third-nipple thing. [laughs then grumbles]

Quote from Joey

Ross: Here I come. See, I'm coming to fix the copier. I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?" So I just watch them have sex. Then I say, wait, here's my line! "You know, that's bad for the paper tray."
Chandler: Nice work, my friend!
Joey: Wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. There I am. There I am. There I am. There I am.

Quote from Phoebe

Duncan: I kind of need a divorce.
Phoebe: Oh ... 'kay. How come?
Duncan: Actually, I'm getting married again.
Phoebe: What?
Duncan: Oh, God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight.
Phoebe: [gasps] I don't understand. How can you be straight? You're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I don't know what to say. I mean, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him. And then one day he says, "Oh, I'm not gay."

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Mom, would you relax? That was 10 blocks from here, and the women was walking alone at night. I would never do that. Mom, come on, stop worrying. This is a safe street. This is a safe building. There's nothing- Oh, my God! [a pigeon flies in through the window] That's fine, you just read the paper. I'm gonna get a pot. It's not for you. Okay, that's fine. Read the Family Circus enjoy the gentle comedy. Oh, my God, my God, my God, my God.

Quote from Joey

Ross: So what's it shaped like?
Phoebe: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
Joey: What happens if you flick it?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Julie's so smart. Julie's so special.
Monica: Look, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now. You'll have to get over it.
Rachel: Oh, I'm going to have to get over it. See, I didn't know that's what I had to do. I just have to get over it.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: What's the longest you've been in a relationship before having the sex?
Rachel: Why? Who's not? Are you and Julie not? Are you and Julie not having sex?
Ross: Technically? No.
Rachel: Wow. Is it because she's so cold in bed? Or because she's, like, kind of bossy, makes it feel like school?
Ross: No. No. She's great.
And it's not like we haven't done anything. We do plenty of other stuff. Lots of other stuff like-
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. Don't need to know the details.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: No, I don't think it's weird. I think, in fact. ln fact, you know what I think?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I think it's sexy.
Ross: Sexy?
Rachel: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
Ross: No kidding?
Rachel: You know what I'd do? I'd wait.
Ross: You'd wait?
Rachel: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. Then I'd wait some more.
Ross: Really?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. I don't care if she tells you she wants it, she begs, she pleads, she tells you she's gonna have sex with another man- That just means it's working.
Ross: Women really want this?
Rachel: More than jewelry.

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