Ross: So did he get on one knee? Did he have a speech prepared? Oh, did he cry? Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals.

Phoebe: And the worst one, he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Monica: Who's Gladys? [gasps] Oh, what a tragic loss.
Phoebe: Yeah, I really hate to give her up. Oh, I know. Oh, you should take her.
Monica: Oh, I don't know.
Phoebe: What, you don't like her?
Monica: Of course I do. What's not to like? I'd take her in a minute. But I think that you're giving up too easy. I think that you need to fight for her.
Phoebe: Really, you think?
Monica: Absolutely. You say to him, "I'm sorry, Mike, I can't live without her. She means too much to me."
Phoebe: Okay, I'll fight for her. Okay. Oh, wait. Oh, I just realized, if I do that, that means you don't get her.
Monica: Damn it, I did not think this through.

Rachel: All right, fine. You can keep it. As long as you don't mind that she's haunted.
Joey: Hey, what? What?
Rachel: Well, legend has it, Joey, that she comes alive when you're asleep. She climbs out of the frame and then drags her half-a-body across the floor just looking for legs to steal. And then with her one good hand she slowly reaches up and turns your doorknob.
Joey: Get that legless witch out of here!

Charlie: So tell me about the grant.
Ross: Well, okay, it's for $25,000. And if I get it, I'll be able to complete my field research. And there will be an article about me in the Paleontology Review. Yeah, it'll be the first time my name is in there without people raising serious questions about my work.

Phoebe: Well, it was really sweet, and, like, the most romantic thing ever.
Joey: Well, here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world. To Phoebe and ... I want to say Mike? To Phoebe and Mike.

Chandler: Yeah, I'm sorry. I should have given you guys my black book when I got married. Although, it wasn't so much a book as a napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.

Joey: Hey, can you cast me in it?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know. I really don't think you're right for the part.
Joey: What do you mean? I can do anything. I'm a chameleon. Huh? I'm old. I'm tired. Oh, I am hot. I'm cold. Come on, what can't I do?
Chandler: First of all, bravo. But I don't think you're right for this. The part's a stuffy college professor.
Joey: I can do that. Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things, or professing I like to use- What's the product?
Chandler: Software that facilitates inter-business networking e-solutions.
Joey: ... I'm cold.

Charlie: No. No, we ended on great terms. I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. You know what? Why don't we all go out to dinner, and I can introduce you.
Ross: Well, if you think it'd help.
Charlie: Yeah, absolutely. I'll call him.
Ross: Okay. Now, is there anything I could do to butter him up? Anything he really likes?
Charlie: He does have a pretty serious latex fetish.
Ross: We'll see how dinner goes.

Phoebe: Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff. Did you and Chandler have to make compromises when you first moved in together?
Monica: Chandler did.

Joey: Oh, any word on casting yet?
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Joey: What do you mean? Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?
Rachel: I'm sorry, this sounds like something I'm never gonna be interested in.