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‘The One Where Ross and Rachel ... You Know’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Ross and Rachel ... You Know

215. The One Where Ross and Rachel ... You Know

Aired February 8, 1996

Rachel struggles to get intimate with Ross now they are together. Meanwhile, flush with cash from Days of our Lives, Joey splurges on a big-screen TV and two recliners for him and Chandler. Monica caters a party at the home of a family friend, the suave ophthalmologist Dr. Richard Burke.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you could watch TV with your feet up.
Chandler: No, they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.

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Quote from Monica

Phoebe: You are so smitten.
Monica: I am not.
Phoebe: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Monica: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grownup.
Phoebe: So? You two are totally into each other.
Monica: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
Phoebe: Okay, what, so you're never gonna see him again?
Monica: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
Phoebe: Didn't you, like, just get your eyes checked?
Monica: Yeah, but you know 27 is a dangerous eye age.

Quote from Joey

Joey: All right, no peeking. No peeking. No peeking. No peeking!
Chandler: All right, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
Joey: All right. Open your eyes.
Chandler: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
Joey: Days of our Lives picked up my option.
Chandler: Congratulations.
Joey: I know.
Chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen. So which one is mine?
Joey: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. Not that one.

Quote from Monica

Monica: How have you been?
Richard: Oh, well, obviously you know Barbara and I split up. Otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.
Monica: The head tilt?
Richard: Yeah. Since the divorce, whenever anybody asks how I am it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. "How you doing? You okay?"
Monica: I'm sorry.
Richard: It's fine. Believe me, I do it too. I always answer with the "I'm okay" head bob. "I'm okay." "You're sure?" "Yeah, I'm fine."

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen don't ring the buzzer for 19. Ring 20, Geller/Greene. They'll let you in, okay? If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. Okay, thanks. [to Joey] Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
Chandler: I'll cancel the sodas.

Quote from Monica

Monica: You've got to get back out there. It's your party.
Richard: But they're so dull. They're all ophthalmologists.
Monica: You're an ophthalmologist.
Richard: Only because my parents wanted me to be. I wanted to be a sheriff.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Have you ever been, you know, fooling around with a girl and she started laughing?
Chandler: Yeah. But it was 1982 and my Flock of Seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: All right, we have to get you lazy boys out of these chairs. You should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Australopithecus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No, Homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect.
Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.

Quote from Monica

Richard: You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness, his other grandpa's a drunk, but still.
Monica: Whoa. You're a grandpa.
Richard: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
Monica: I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I'm dating a man whose pool I once peed in.
Richard: I didn't need to know that.

Quote from Ross

[As Ross and Rachel roll about, kissing]
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, honey? That's okay.
Ross: What? Oh, no. You just rolled over the juice box.
Rachel: Oh, thank God!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: What's tonight?
Rachel: It is our first official date. Our first date.
Monica: Hello?
Rachel: Hi.
Monica: Tonight? You're supposed to waitress for me? My catering thing? Any of those words trigger anything for you?
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, God, Monica. I forgot! This is our first date.
Rachel: Yes, but my mom got me this job.
Phoebe: Okay, I can be a waitress. I can be a waitress.
Rachel: Oh, thank you, thank you. See? Phoebe. Phoebe!
Monica: Really, Pheebs? Because, see, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your "I can be a bear cub" thing.
Phoebe: I can be a waitress. Okay, watch this. Give me two number ones, eighty-six the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and wreck them.


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