Phoebe: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you could watch TV with your feet up.
Chandler: No, they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.

Chandler: Two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen don't ring the buzzer for 19. Ring 20, Geller/Greene. They'll let you in, okay? If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. Okay, thanks. [to Joey] Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
Chandler: I'll cancel the sodas.

Phoebe: You are so smitten.
Monica: I am not.
Phoebe: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Monica: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grownup.
Phoebe: So? You two are totally into each other.
Monica: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
Phoebe: Okay, what, so you're never gonna see him again?
Monica: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
Phoebe: Didn't you, like, just get your eyes checked?
Monica: Yeah, but you know 27 is a dangerous eye age.

Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Australopithecus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No, Homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect.
Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.

Richard: You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness, his other grandpa's a drunk, but still.
Monica: Whoa. You're a grandpa.
Richard: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
Monica: I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I'm dating a man whose pool I once peed in.
Richard: I didn't need to know that.

[As Ross and Rachel roll about, kissing]
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, honey? That's okay.
Ross: What? Oh, no. You just rolled over the juice box.
Rachel: Oh, thank God!

Joey: All right, no peeking. No peeking. No peeking. No peeking!
Chandler: All right, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
Joey: All right. Open your eyes.
Chandler: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
Joey: Days of our Lives picked up my option.
Chandler: Congratulations.
Joey: I know.
Chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen. So which one is mine?
Joey: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. Not that one.

Monica: What's tonight?
Rachel: It is our first official date. Our first date.
Monica: Hello?
Rachel: Hi.
Monica: Tonight? You're supposed to waitress for me? My catering thing? Any of those words trigger anything for you?
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, God, Monica. I forgot! This is our first date.
Rachel: Yes, but my mom got me this job.
Phoebe: Okay, I can be a waitress. I can be a waitress.
Rachel: Oh, thank you, thank you. See? Phoebe. Phoebe!
Monica: Really, Pheebs? Because, see, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your "I can be a bear cub" thing.
Phoebe: I can be a waitress. Okay, watch this. Give me two number ones, eighty-six the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and wreck them.

Monica: You've got to get back out there. It's your party.
Richard: But they're so dull. They're all ophthalmologists.
Monica: You're an ophthalmologist.
Richard: Only because my parents wanted me to be. I wanted to be a sheriff.

Ross: Have you ever been, you know, fooling around with a girl and she started laughing?
Chandler: Yeah. But it was 1982 and my Flock of Seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.