TV Quotes

Ross: This is so your fault.
Susan: How is this my fault?
Ross: Carol never threw me out of a room before you.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Ross: Are you trying to be clever?

Susan: You're his father. Who am l? There's Father's Day. There's Mother's Day. There's no Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

Monica: Has her water broken yet?
Ross: I don't know, but when we talked, she said she'd already passed the mucous plug.
Joey: Ugh, ugh. Do we have to know about that?
Monica: Joey, what are you going to do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'll be in the waiting room, handing out cigars.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.

Ross: I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.
Rachel: Relax, Ross. It's probably only $2 for the first contraction and then 50 cents for each additional contraction. What, it's okay when Chandler does it?
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.

Ross: You're having a baby. You don't stop for Chunkies.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker. You see what I mean?

Lydia: Knick fan? Oh, boy, do they suck.
Joey: Hey, listen, lady-
Lydia: Look. Look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.
Joey: And who do you like?
Lydia: Celtics.
Joey: Celtics? Ha, they couldn't hit a boat if- Wait. They suck, all right? Shut up.

Phoebe: [playing her guitar and singing] They're tiny and chubby, And so sweet to touch, But soon they'll grow up, And resent you so much, Now they're yelling at you, And you don 't know why, And you cry and you cry and you cry, And you cry and you cry, And you cry- Thanks, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, I'm paying you to stop, okay?

Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: When?
Chandler: Okay, I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. No, I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no-
Monica: No, no, what is it? Seriously, is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh-
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack.

Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors anyway? Is, like, your father a doctor?
Rachel: Yeah. Why?
Chandler: No reason.

Ross: Who the hell is Jordy?
Susan: Your son.
Ross: I don't have a son named Jordy. We all agreed my son's name is Jamie.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend so we went back to Jordy.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean, back to Jordy? We never landed on Jordy. We just passed by it during the whole Jesse-Cody-Dillon fiasco.