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‘The One with the Birth’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Birth

123. The One with the Birth

Aired May 11, 1995

The group head to the hospital when Carol goes into labour, but bickering between Ross and Susan threatens to make them miss the big occasion.

Quote from Ross

Susan: You're his father. Who am l? There's Father's Day. There's Mother's Day. There's no Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

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Quote from Chandler

Monica: Has her water broken yet?
Ross: I don't know, but when we talked, she said she'd already passed the mucous plug.
Joey: Ugh, ugh. Do we have to know about that?
Monica: Joey, what are you going to do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'll be in the waiting room, handing out cigars.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.
Rachel: Relax, Ross. It's probably only $2 for the first contraction and then 50 cents for each additional contraction. What, it's okay when Chandler does it?
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: You're having a baby. You don't stop for Chunkies.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker. You see what I mean?

Quote from Joey

Lydia: Knick fan? Oh, boy, do they suck.
Joey: Hey, listen, lady-
Lydia: Look. Look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.
Joey: And who do you like?
Lydia: Celtics.
Joey: Celtics? Ha, they couldn't hit a boat if- Wait. They suck, all right? Shut up.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [playing her guitar and singing] They're tiny and chubby, And so sweet to touch, But soon they'll grow up, And resent you so much, Now they're yelling at you, And you don 't know why, And you cry and you cry and you cry, And you cry and you cry, And you cry- Thanks, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, I'm paying you to stop, okay?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: When?
Chandler: Okay, I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. No, I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no-
Monica: No, no, what is it? Seriously, is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh-
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors anyway? Is, like, your father a doctor?
Rachel: Yeah. Why?
Chandler: No reason.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Who the hell is Jordy?
Susan: Your son.
Ross: I don't have a son named Jordy. We all agreed my son's name is Jamie.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend so we went back to Jordy.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean, back to Jordy? We never landed on Jordy. We just passed by it during the whole Jesse-Cody-Dillon fiasco.

Quote from Susan

Ross: This is so your fault.
Susan: How is this my fault?
Ross: Carol never threw me out of a room before you.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Ross: Are you trying to be clever?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [playing her guitar and singing] And they found their bodies, The very next day, And they found their bodies, The very next-

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: This is so great.
Ross: Do you wanna explain that?
Phoebe: I mean, because when I was growing up, you know, my dad left and my mother died and my stepfather went to jail. So, I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has, like, three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most and it's not even born yet. It's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. I'm sorry. You were fighting.

Quote from Phoebe

Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is, in fact, a dark vent.

Quote from Chandler

Nurse: All right, all right. There's a too many people in this room. There's about to be one more.
So anybody who is not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go.
Ross: Bye-bye.
Joey: Good luck, you guys.
Rachel: Good luck.
Chandler: Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?
Nurse: Out!

Quote from Ross

Carol: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Ross: How about Ben?
Susan: I like Ben.
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Ross: We just cooked it up.
Susan: That's what we were off doing.


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