Phoebe: So, why didn't you say anything?
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase, "Yes, indeed-io."

Joey: We gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our place. I feel like I can't do stuff.
Monica: What kind of stuff?
Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff but, like, when I'm cooking naked.
Phoebe: You cook naked?
Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal. Nothing that spatters.

Chandler: [uses Monica's phone to call his phone] Yes, it's working. Why isn't she calling me back?
Joey: Maybe she never got your message.
Phoebe: You know, if you want, you could call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps that means she didn't get her messages yet.
Chandler: Doesn't that make me seem a little-
Ross: Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.

Ross: It's a totally different situation. It's apples and oranges. It's orthodontists and lesbians- I gotta go.

Monica: Why don't you call her?
Chandler: I can't call her. I left a message. I have some pride.
Monica: Do you?
Chandler: No.

Joey: Hey, you know our phone's not working?
Chandler: What?
Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop and there was no answer.
Chandler: I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off.
Monica: Just like you told her you did. Just pointing out the irony.

Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Answering machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.

Chandler: "Oh, Danielle, I wasn't expecting the machine. Give me a call when you get a chance.
Bye-bye." Oh, God!
Monica: That's what you've been working on for two hours?
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing.

Chandler: She's on the other line. She's gonna call me back. She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back.
Monica: Don't you have to pee?
Chandler: That's why I'm dancing.

Ross: Four letters, "circle or hoop."
Chandler: [to the phone] Ring, damn it, ring.
Ross: Thanks.