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‘The One with the Evil Orthodontist’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Friends: The One with the Evil Orthodontist

120. The One with the Evil Orthodontist

Aired April 6, 1995

When her ex-fiancee, Barry, tells her he's still in love with her, Rachel starts up a relationship with him even though he's engaged to Mindy. Meanwhile, Chandler is driven to distraction by a woman who isn't returning his calls.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: [uses Monica's phone to call his phone] Yes, it's working. Why isn't she calling me back?
Joey: Maybe she never got your message.
Phoebe: You know, if you want, you could call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps that means she didn't get her messages yet.
Chandler: Doesn't that make me seem a little-
Ross: Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.

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Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Answering machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: So, why didn't you say anything?
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase, "Yes, indeed-io."

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Actually, he's smiling. And- Oh, my God. Don't do that!
Ross: What? What? What?
Phoebe: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: "Oh, Danielle, I wasn't expecting the machine. Give me a call when you get a chance.
Bye-bye." Oh, God!
Monica: That's what you've been working on for two hours?
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing.

Quote from Joey

Joey: We gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our place. I feel like I can't do stuff.
Monica: What kind of stuff?
Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff but, like, when I'm cooking naked.
Phoebe: You cook naked?
Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal. Nothing that spatters.

Quote from Ross

Ross: It's a totally different situation. It's apples and oranges. It's orthodontists and lesbians- I gotta go.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Why don't you call her?
Chandler: I can't call her. I left a message. I have some pride.
Monica: Do you?
Chandler: No.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: She's on the other line. She's gonna call me back. She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back.
Monica: Don't you have to pee?
Chandler: That's why I'm dancing.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Four letters, "circle or hoop."
Chandler: [to the phone] Ring, damn it, ring.
Ross: Thanks.

Quote from Monica

Joey: Hey, you know our phone's not working?
Chandler: What?
Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop and there was no answer.
Chandler: I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off.
Monica: Just like you told her you did. Just pointing out the irony.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I'd much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr.
Salty.
Joey: No way. Mr. Salty is a sailor. He's gotta be, like, the toughest snack there is.
Ross: I don't know. You don't wanna mess with Cornnuts. They're crazy.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Guys, you gotta come see this. There's some creep out there with a telescope.
Ross: I can't believe it. He's looking right at us.
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: How can people do that? Oh, you guys, look. Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I swear, years from now, school children will study it as one of the greatest first dates ever. It was unbelievable. We could totally be ourselves. We didn't have to play any games.
Monica: So, have you called her yet?
Chandler: And let her know I like her? What are you, insane?
Phoebe: Guys.
Monica: It's gross.
Chandler: It's the next day. How needy do I wanna seem?

Quote from Monica

Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pushing me to find one of you people.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Come on. Just do it. Call her. Stop being so testosterone-y.
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Look, it's Rachel and Barry. Don't everybody look at once.
Ross: What's going on?
Phoebe: They're just talking.
Ross: Well, does he look upset? Does he look like he was told to shove anything?

Quote from Joey

Monica: Rachel, what's going on? I mean, isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?
Joey: Duh. Where have you been?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: What was with the dishes?
Chandler: Oh, I wanted her to think I might have been in a restaurant. Like I might have a life.
Like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the last two hours.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Hey, can I use your phone?
Monica: Yeah, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone.

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